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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Congrats on hitting your Q3 numbers. Here’s an even bigger Q4 number that you’ll be fired for missing.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Waking up early is cool until it starts feeling like you’ve had a long day at 10 a.m.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

When a man likes you, he talks to you every day, and apparently, when you start to like him back, he is very busy and can’t talk at all. That’s how it works.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Save money by accidentally forgetting your wallet at home. Follow me for more financial tips and tricks.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

If I had a wife, I’d text her things like, ‘What’s your full name?’ and ‘When’s your birthday?’

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

If it’s one thing we’ve learned hiking, it’s the early bird that gets the face full of spiderwebs.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Why the hell is it called the restroom? I am fighting for my life in here.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

When I don’t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Second day without coffee. I can no longer hear out of my left eye.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello.” My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,689

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

I love cute tiny purses, but I’m sad to say I can never be a cute tiny purse girl. I need to haul my hoard of objects everywhere I go, because what if….

Spotted on WhatsApp:

When you meet twins, demand to speak with the one in charge.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I was living in the moment until I was evicted.

Going viral on YouTube:

I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

Just shared via Telegram:

I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s like 7 years in a row now.

Just shared via YouTube:

Called in, “If we’re living in a simulation, just simulate that I’m in the office today.”

Going bananas on Threads:

Summer is the best because there’s always a chance I’ll see someone trip on their own flip flop.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I got 99 problems and money could solve at least 69 of them.

Going viral on Twitch:

The only narcissist I allow in my life is my cat.

Just landed via X:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my daughter 3 months ago, where would you be hiding?

If she says “it’s fine,” you’re probably in trouble.

Witty quote highlighting relationship sarcasm, with a playful and humorous vibe.
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Commentary:
Ah, the infamous "it's fine" – the code every man fears! 🙈 Remember, when she says it's fine, it's probably time to start drafting your apology letter! 💌😅 #ProceedWithCaution

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on TikTok this month:

It takes only one person in this world to make you smile. It’s called a plastic surgeon.

60 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t wanna brag, but my posts are unpopular on all continents.

58 shares on X this month:

Handing the bus driver a $50 bill and telling him “Just drive”.

42 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ve just learned terrible news. My department at work is planning a team-building retreat. Thank you for your thoughts during this difficult time.

61 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m exactly where I want to be. At home, avoiding people.

66 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I had to quit my job because people kept falling in love with me there.

72 shares on Snapchat this month:

I be skipping everyone’s stories but watch mine like 20 times.

59 shares on Telegram this month:

“I bought this while depressed” should be an acceptable reason to get a full refund on a return.

60 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m so bored, I’m gonna join a poly-relationship and stage a coup and kick the main one out.

48 shares on Facebook this month:

Everyone’s an expert after the fact.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Once I matched with a guy and ended up finding out he lived in my neighborhood, so I told him to go outside and scream, and he did. And I heard it.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

When my wife packs for a trip she basically moves out.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

This bouncer’s lucky I’m with my lady and physically frightened of him or he’d be in a world of pain.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If I was an outlaw in the Wild West, my face would be on unwanted posters.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Keep your fries close and your onion rings closer.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s something so spiritual about new life. When I look my baby nephew in the eyes, I can’t stop thinking about how amazing it will be to connect with him on LinkedIn.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I loved anything as much as people love to say they are “thrilled” on LinkedIn.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

“Do something with your life.” Um, I am. Have you heard of a little thing called squandering?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

God: “I’m all-knowing but I’d rather be all-forgetting.”

10 folks are currently checking 👀

My spirit animal is chasing his own tail.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,674

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

The older I get, the more I don’t want to do things.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

How old were you when you found out people in porn aren’t actually in love?

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

“Unc” is short for “unclear.” It’s unclear what it means. “Uncle” is short for “unclear” as well.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

I touched grass today, and I’m still like this. Please advise.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

My favorite Christmas Eve tradition is the one where I tell my kids we have to get the house spotless, or Santa won’t come.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

Adulting is making a phone call, even though you don’t want to.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

This is about the time of year where my enthusiasm about shoveling snow turns into “it will probably melt on it’s own”.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Women do not snore. The sound they make at night is just the rewinding of the vocal cords.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

I refuse to learn the color coding for heart emojis. Your heart means what I want it to, and vice versa.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Let’s go out for carrots sometime.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

I usually don’t flirt, so if I flirt with you, please cooperate.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

No, I wasn’t dancing. I got harassed by a bumble bee.

Live now on Snapchat:

Apparently, if you leave your Tupperware cupboard unorganized for too long, they procreate, and extra lids appear out of nowhere.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I just ate, and now I’m going swimming, so I guess this is goodbye.

Trending via WhatsApp:

“I’m fluent in creating worst-case scenarios in my head.”

Going viral on WeChat:

Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Every single morning, I have to get out of bed and do things, and it’s bullshit.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I’m just a girl looking for another snack.

Making waves on Instagram:

ALF is what happens when you are high on drugs in the 80s.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Everyone is awful in their own special way.

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