If someone asks you why you’re single, just answer with: “Got lucky.”

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Why is there so much day left at the end of my patience?

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Thinking of telling my extra weight that I love it so that it can leave me too.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

I don’t have kids or a dog. What can I bring into a bar that will make everyone mad?

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, “You’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.

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“Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Yeah, because I won’t be leaving my bed.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

When I was a kid, I never expected the future to suck this much.

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You’re either really good at wrapping presents or you’re really beautiful and funny. It’s one or the other.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

I feel so bad when I overtake an old person on the sidewalk. Like, man, I really didn’t mean to flex on you with my youthful stride.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Hey, I noticed you’re not saying what I want.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

DUI stands for: don’t Uber, I got this.