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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Sometimes I just want a man to talk to me in the same voice he uses to talk to his dog.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked, I’m 4 people.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

I just heard someone refer to Texas as “Howdy Arabia” and I still haven’t stopped laughing.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Elect a clown, expect a circus.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Men need women, women need men. The end.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

We’re putting that movie you love back in theaters on one random Wednesday — and we’re not gonna tell you until Tuesday.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Everyone’s all up in arms about how undemocratic the electoral college is and yet we let our weather be decided by a single unelected groundhog.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

For Christmas, I’d like to be understood.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Back in the day, you used to have to listen to records backwards to discover conspiracy theories.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

Love when a doctor emails me about my “outstanding bill”. If it’s so good, why don’t you pay it?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,309

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

Taylor Swift should write a song about when your sleeves keep rolling down every time you wash the dishes.

Just landed via Slack:

Asking the cashier how I’m doing today.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Anyone know if we got the meek inheriting the Earth today?

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Imagine thinking you have all the answers.

Spotted on WeChat:

My kids wanted a spooky story from the olden days so I told them the internet used to scream when you turned it on.

Trending via YouTube:

Might make a living will because I don’t want my family deciding whether to pull the plug. My dad has a long history of being against wasting electricity.

Spotted on TikTok:

If you’re thinking of becoming a parent, just imagine working 6,570 days straight without a day off.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I wanna be a villain so I can just saunter everywhere. The heroes are always sprinting, always running. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Hell no. And I ain’t about to either.

Trending via Pinterest:

Me waking up: wow, I can’t wait to go to sleep tonight.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

If someone asks you why you’re single, just answer with: “Got lucky.”

2 weeks ago

Funny witty text about responding to relationship questions with confidence.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Next time someone asks why you're single, just hit 'em with the classic response: 'Got lucky. 🍀💔' Who needs a relationship drama when you've got all the free time and sleep to yourself, am I right? 😄 #LivingMyBestSingleLife"

answer, dating, humor, just, lucky, relationship, response, single, someone

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on X this month:

A man will beg you to take him back just to act right for 5 days and 24 min.

16 shares on Telegram this month:

If sex was strictly meant for procreation, why did God make it feel so good?

99 shares on Discord this month:

Going out with 38% battery and no boyfriend.

36 shares on Twitch this month:

Love to come home after a long day’s work and relax with one thousand short-form videos.

93 shares on Instagram this month:

Lois Lane said, “Clark?” like she didn’t just make out with that same jawline in spandex twelve hours ago.

17 shares on Instagram this month:

Babe, wake up, it’s stupid outside!

98 shares on Telegram this month:

I feel like I should give my air conditioner a plaque for employee of the month.

70 shares on WeChat this month:

Got a new high score on my bathroom scale.

65 shares on Pinterest this month:

Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

35 shares on YouTube this month:

Me leaving the house: I hope I don’t see anyone.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes being alive feels like being a pornstar who is asexual.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The ‘E’ in my name stands for ‘Everything you need.’

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I try not to post too much, to give everyone else a better chance at being seen.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Does your blood pump that way just for me?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag, but what a time to be childless.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

You know you’re an introvert when you want to go home before even leaving the house.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I got bills. They’re multiplying.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t let anyone treat you like pond water. You are Fiji water, okay?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won’t kill it, I’d buy another house.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,493

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Bad news. Right now is as young as you’re going to be.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Probably the worst thing about the death of print media is the devastating effect it’s having on the producers of traditional ransom notes.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Of all the ways to be miserable, marriage is the most expensive.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Turning to the person next to me and saying “thanks for nothing” as I get off the train.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

At some point, I need to admit my ‘guilty pleasure’ music taste is just my music taste now.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

The Masters would be a lot more interesting if there were starving alligators roaming throughout the golf course.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

I shouldn’t have to go to work if it’s rainy. I should get to stare out the window all day like a cat.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

I don’t know why we traded horses for cars. Your car won’t stop in front of a river and be like, “no way dumbass, we aren’t going to make that.”

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Saw a guy reading a book and writing notes in it. Not enough words in there for ya, bud?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

Diarrhea awareness week starts today. Runs through Sunday.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I have a drawer in my kitchen that I can’t open anymore because of that one time I decided to put a spatula in it.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Oh, to be a rich, beautiful woman in her big car, driving to buy overpriced groceries to stock up her breathtaking kitchen in her gorgeous house.

Making waves on YouTube:

Don’t study, get slutty!

Spotted on Facebook:

Can’t. Too busy saving daylight.

Breaking via YouTube:

That awkward moment when someone you hate is breathing.

Trending via Twitch:

Parallel parking: where true relationships are tested!

Seen just now on Threads:

Is it possible to die of horniness? Asking for a friend.

Breaking via Instagram:

I’m just a Whole Foods girl on a Walmart budget.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I want to have a penguin that just waddles up to me whenever I’m sad.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

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