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"If they can't see your magic, it's time to pull a disappearing act like Houdini! ✨🎩✨ Remember, not everyone can handle your fabulousness!"

attention, disappear, Houdini, humor, magic, mystery, relationship, self-worth

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No more bare minimum, I want the moon and the stars. Maybe even a planet at this point.

2 months ago

ambition, bare, bare minimum, desire, even, exaggeration, humor, i, maybe, minimum, moon, planet, point, star, stars, want
I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

1 month ago

attention, humor, ignore, influencer, me, media, online, people, sarcasm, satire, social, social media
Due to personal reasons, I’m evil now.

3 months ago

attitude, change, due, evil, humor, personal, personal reason, personality, personality change, reason, reasons
In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

1 month ago

airplane, airplane safety, card, credit, credit card, emergency, event, head, humor, inflate, jacket, joke, landing, life, life jacket, over, place, safety, swipe, water, water landing
One minute you’re young and carefree. The next minute you can feel in your knee when it starts to rain.

2 months ago

aging, carefree, change, feel, humor, knee, life, minute, next, rain, young, youth
You don’t scare me. You’re not the evil eye I get from my dog when I make him get up from the couch so I can lay down.

2 months ago

behavior, couch, dog, evil, evil eye, eye, humor, i, lay, lay down, me, pet, pet behavior, relatable, sarcasm, scare

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Once you find humor in any situation, you have nothing to fear.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Of course I do cardio. It’s called running from my problems.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

I’m at the age where a house arrest no longer sounds like the worst thing.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

They monitor me harder than Britney Spears around here.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Babe, wanna come over and watch me apply for jobs on Indeed until I start to cry.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

Cynics are – beneath it all – only idealists with awkwardly high standards.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

The best weight you’ll ever lose is the weight of other people’s opinions.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Wake me up when I’m rich!

Going viral on Discord:

You don’t scare me. You’re not a parking garage that I can’t figure out how to get out of.

Trending via YouTube:

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.

Seen just now on Reddit:

We all have that person who insists on using a blanket on the couch, no matter the weather.

Going viral on X:

Gonna close my bank account and keep all my money on me, like Sonic the Hedgehog.

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If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

No more bare minimum, I want the moon and the stars. Maybe even a planet at this point.

Due to personal reasons, I’m evil now.

In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

One minute you’re young and carefree. The next minute you can feel in your knee when it starts to rain.

You don’t scare me. You’re not the evil eye I get from my dog when I make him get up from the couch so I can lay down.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I love all mythical creatures. Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.

This is your sign to cancel all work meetings today.

You were there at the beginning of the Internet if you’ve heard the following: “Get off the web, I need to make a call!”

I didn’t get the part of the brain that lets you relax, just the one that overthinks.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

You ever just see a tree and be like, “Bob Ross would’ve liked this one”?

The younger generation will never know the fear and anxiety of calling your friend’s house, and their parents answer the phone.

I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

Explain it to me like I’m 5 drinks in.

Yeah, sex is cool and all, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.

I read somewhere that playing white noise helps you sleep better, but I didn’t find country music helpful at all.

Since there is only one of me, does that make me limited edition?

I don’t mind being the villain in your story because you’re a clown in mine.

You can either have a nice evening or you can help your child with their math homework. You can’t have both.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

All dogs are therapy dogs. The majority are just freelancing.

Cholesterol has a special place in my heart.

My favorite part of adulting is borrowing money from myself and paying myself back.

Work can be tiring at times, and you might feel like quitting. But remember those plane tickets.

Are cassette tapes considered classical music yet?

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If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

No more bare minimum, I want the moon and the stars. Maybe even a planet at this point.

I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

Due to personal reasons, I’m evil now.

In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

One minute you’re young and carefree. The next minute you can feel in your knee when it starts to rain.

You don’t scare me. You’re not the evil eye I get from my dog when I make him get up from the couch so I can lay down.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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