Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Be careful what you wish for when seeking lifetime warranties – you might end up with more than just a replacement! 🔫💼 Remember, it's all fun and games until the hitman knocks on your door for that faulty toaster 🍞😱"

break, buy, hitman, house, humor, joke, lifetime, manufacturer, repair, send, something, warranty

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

We used to burn CDs like we were running an underground record label.

0

1 month ago

burn, cd, humor, label, media, music, nostalgia, record, record label, retro, running, technology, underground, used
Airports are the perfect place to see people who are experiencing their first day on Earth.

0

13 hours ago

airport, awkwardness, behavior, day, Earth, first day, human, human behavior, humor, observation, people, perfect, place, public, public place, travel
I get so embarrassed for no reason after posting on social media, like, why am I showing my life?

0

2 months ago

after, am, anxiety, embarrassed, embarrassment, i, life, media, posting, reason, self-consciousness, social, social media, why
I threw a ball for my dog. May be a little extravagant, but he looks great in a tux.

0

2 months ago

activity, ball, dog, extravagant, fun, fun activity, great, humor, i, little, looks, pet, tux
I won’t bore you with my problems because all of my problems are fascinating.

0

2 months ago

bore, confidence, humor, i, personality, problems, sarcasm, self-deprecating, wit
I’ll make direct eye contact while eating a hot dog, just to make you feel weird.

0

5 months ago

awkward, contact, direct, dog, eating, eye, eye contact, feel, hot, hot dog, humor, interaction, just, social, social interaction, weird, while

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on Slack this month:

Nothing angers me more than tall ghosts in horror movies. No one born in 1782 was that tall. Do your research, screenwriters.

44 shares on Facebook this month:

If history is repeating itself, when can I buy a pet dinosaur?

34 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

40 shares on TikTok this month:

Stop animal testing! Use my ex!

54 shares on Threads this month:

My favorite condiment is Worcestershire sauce. Why? It’s hard to say.

90 shares on Instagram this month:

The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

46 shares on WeChat this month:

I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

72 shares on YouTube this month:

If you need me, I will be at the library sniffing old books.

60 shares on Pinterest this month:

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

64 shares on TikTok this month:

It’s like my therapist always says, that’ll be $175.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures – it’s my face.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Can we change the phrase “Can I be frank with you” to “Can I be william with you”? I don’t want to be Frank.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Hate when other parents at school drop off act like they’re better than me just because they remembered to bring all of their children.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

They should make a biopic of just some random guy.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

“Cut my life into pieces” screamed the earthworm and threw itself in front of my spade.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

A camel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, you can’t bring your own drinks in here!”

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Haunted Houses this year are just gonna have the news on.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Revenge? No. I just post hot selfies and let the algorithm do God’s work.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a surprise housewarming party. Now I’m homeless.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Even in my early 20’s, I was diagnosed with late stage 40’s.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

Breaking via Instagram:

The worst thing you can do when you notice your kids are playing nicely together is telling them that they’re playing nicely together.

Going bananas on Slack:

The problem with salad is, it’s salad.

Breaking via Reddit:

I wish I loved anything as much as people love to say they are “thrilled” on LinkedIn.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I’ve saved every episode of Hoarders.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Y’all ever skip a class and then have the post-skip class depression? Like, damn, I should’ve just gone.

Shared recently on Threads:

And is the financial stability in the room with us right now?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

You can’t spell disappointment without me.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Unfortunately, you have to almost worship the ground I walk on for me to believe you’re into me.

Just shared via X:

“I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked my mom.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you buy something with a lifetime warranty and it breaks, the manufacturer will send a hitman to your house.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

We used to burn CDs like we were running an underground record label.

Airports are the perfect place to see people who are experiencing their first day on Earth.

I get so embarrassed for no reason after posting on social media, like, why am I showing my life?

I threw a ball for my dog. May be a little extravagant, but he looks great in a tux.

I won’t bore you with my problems because all of my problems are fascinating.

I’ll make direct eye contact while eating a hot dog, just to make you feel weird.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨