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โ€œYou look nervousโ€ Thanks, Iโ€™ve been practicing my whole life.

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Don’t compare yourself with others. Everyone is better than you.

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Cleaning your glasses is like changing from 360p to 1080p.

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Old Spice doesn’t sound like something you wanna smell.

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To cut a long story short, I became a film editor.

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Before I drink, I eat liver so the liquor wonโ€™t know which liver to attack.

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I don’t like the person I become when my boss tells me I should be working while at work.

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Nobody could stop me if I wasn’t tired all the time.

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How does one stop eating ice cream when thereโ€™s still some in the container?

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Should I be worried that buzzards circle me when I go for a run?

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If you did the weekend right, your coffee needs coffee today.

If you did the weekend right, your coffee needs coffee today.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone had a wild weekend! ๐Ÿ˜‚โ˜• Better brew up that coffee's coffee before it starts demanding a vacation too! ๐Ÿ’ผโ˜•โ˜•"



Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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