If you see me out in public but we haven’t talked since high school, let’s keep it that way.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

I feel like I’m in season 5 of my life, and the writers are just making ridiculous shit happen to keep it interesting.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

In six days God created heaven and earth. On the seventh day, in the interests of balance, the BBC interviewed Satan.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Tonight I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

You know you’re really stressed when you start getting on your own nerves.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Laugh all you want. My Encyclopedia Britannica set will never require WiFi.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

For International Women’s Day, I’m going to celebrate by hitting every curb I see.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

I might be annoying, but at least my lock screen isn’t a selfie.