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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡จ has copied:

Youโ€™re telling me people get eight hours of sleep? Like in one night?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡พ has viewed:

Accidentally blurted out โ€œskip introโ€ when my mother-in-law wasnโ€™t getting to the point.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ญ has bookmarked:

We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, โ€œIโ€™ve decided I want to be cremated.โ€ I said, โ€œAlright, get your coat.โ€

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ท has shared:

Iโ€™ve got a couple of eyebrow hairs that want me to be a villain.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡บ has downloaded:

The potholes in my city will change your radio station and unlock the doors.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has bookmarked:

Your girlfriend needs two hours to get ready. But if you don’t have your shoes on when she’s ready, you’re the problem.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ‡ผ has bookmarked:

The more water you drink, the more bathroom breaks, the less you work. Stay hydrated.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

Enjoy it now because you’re only going to get older and fatter.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡น has shared:

Sometimes I just stand in the sun and stare at nothing, like a dog.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has downloaded:

Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by asking if theyโ€™re drinking enough water.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,651

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Live now on Reddit:

Grab your own butt! Love yourself!

Just landed via Pinterest:

Maybe Rome was built in a day. I wasnโ€™t there.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Having a peanut allergy has to be so wild. Like, imagine youโ€™re at a baseball game and there are people chucking bags of rattlesnakes past your head.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

If you are hotter than me, it means I’m cooler than you.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’m not starting a presentation with “ladies and gentlemen”, I’m using the gender neutral “to those who heed my warnings”.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Set my sex robot to boyfriend mode and now it’s liking other girls’ pictures on Insta.

Shared recently on X:

โ€œSome men go months without being hugged.โ€ Okay, then they should just hug each other.

Shared recently on Threads:

Got a new Roomba but keeping the old one to see if I can get them to fight.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I have this rare skin disease called perfect.

Live now on Reddit:

A Jackie Chan fight scene where he’s in an IKEA warehouse and he fights off dudes with furniture pieces, but by the end he’s accidentally assembled it all into a complete Malm bedroom set.

If you want to impress me with your car, it should be an ice cream van.

Download image โ†“

Commentary:
"Who needs a sports car when you can charm everyone with a sweet and chilly treat? ๐Ÿฆ๐Ÿ˜Ž Your ice cream van is the real MVP in the world of vehicles! #CoolRides"

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Keep the laugh going ๐Ÿ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes ๐Ÿ‘‡

Funny Quotes Collections
โœจ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars โญ

57 shares on Reddit this month:

I look so pretty today. I should go for a walk and let the people enjoy this.

42 shares on Threads this month:

Age regressing by coughing like a toddler, with my tongue out.

67 shares on Slack this month:

I’m literally overstimulated with life. I need to scream on top of a mountain.

30 shares on Messenger this month:

You can tell a group isnโ€™t gonna make it big just by their name.

43 shares on Twitch this month:

Remembering my youth, and a time where I could breath out of more than one nostril at once.

19 shares on Messenger this month:

I can now see how sitting on a porch could fill an entire life.

84 shares on Reddit this month:

The females who donโ€™t go through phones will definitely find out through dreams.

87 shares on Slack this month:

Hot singles over 40 in your area are curious what you use for joint pain and inflammation.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realize there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.

17 shares on X this month:

Iโ€™ll be like โ€œit is what it isโ€ and almost vomit from anxiety.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

19 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

No one warned me that being an adult was mostly just hurrying up to get somewhere you don’t want to go in the first place.

17 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Congratulations to the people who never took their Christmas decorations down. Youโ€™re almost there.

18 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Iโ€™m not tispy. Iโ€™m merry.

8 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I am so lucky that I canโ€™t tell the difference between a heartfelt compliment and sarcastic disdain. Life is much easier when youโ€™re dumb.

23 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

You want me to go apple picking? The original sin?

8 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Doing an hour of self-care after 23 hours of self-destruction.

18 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Girls actually do love nice guys. Itโ€™s just that youโ€™re not as nice a guy as you think you areโ€ฆ

25 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I canโ€™t explain how it works, but one day, you just wake up and like sauerkraut.

17 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If I were a mouse and I lived in Moscow, I would think, haha, I live in Mousecow!

13 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I want a restraining order on everyone who doesn’t wear deodorant.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,662

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ผ has downloaded:

Curly fries are my favorite as they’re salty and spiraling, like me.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ช has shared:

I have officially reached the age where I am bothered by lights being on, doors left open, loud noises, and people.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡พ has shared:

Teach a man to fish, and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach your kid about stingrays, and he will pretend to sting you all afternoon.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has shared:

I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฉ has viewed:

Checking my iced coffee rewards points like it’s my 401k.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฐ has downloaded:

โ€œIโ€™ve had cigarettes that were better than entire years of my life.โ€

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ช has copied:

You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ช has bookmarked:

It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡จ has bookmarked:

Iโ€™m living in a parallel universe where I suck at parking.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ญ has bookmarked:

But if I get tinted windows, how will people see me flipping them off?

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Getting tired without doing anything is an art form.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Trying to squeeze in more nothingness today, but my schedule is already packed with procrastination!

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Before you try to save someone, make sure youโ€™re not interrupting their karma.

Just shared via Slack:

When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying โ€˜Havenโ€™t decided yetโ€™ is typically a good response.

Trending via Facebook:

Breakups are hard, but have you ever been disappointed in the food you ordered?

Making waves on Facebook:

If you ever feel like something’s missing in your life, it’s probably me.

Breaking via Discord:

McDonald’s is finally promoting good health by making their food unaffordable.

Just landed via Threads:

Waitโ€ฆ if youโ€™re circling back and Iโ€™m touching base, who the hell is monitoring the situation?

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

The number one rule of Thanksgiving dinner is take your own vehicle so you can leave on your own terms.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Roses are red. Daisies are white. Iโ€™m in a grumpy mood. My underwear is too tight.

ยฉ 2026. All rights reserved.

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