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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Who really needs jetpacks, I want to be able to start over from my last save point.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

When God closes a door, he opens a window. Unfortunately, we are in a submarine.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked. I’m a family of 8.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Delightful if true: booby trap.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Currently looking for tickets for the first flight back to the ’90s.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

The walk of shame, except it’s me at a bowling alley walking back to sit down after I knock down zero pins with bumpers.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

I need one of those jobs they have in sitcoms, where it pays my rent but interferes with exactly zero of my social plans or situations.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Andrew Tate is what you’d get if Axe body spray gained consciousness.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Jan 5, 2026

3,374

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

My swear jar is filing for an IPO soon.

Live now on Facebook:

I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Fall fashion: where we all transform into stylish, toasty marshmallows!

Freshly posted on Twitch:

If you buy something with a lifetime warranty and it breaks, the manufacturer will send a hitman to your house.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Are you gonna call me beautiful today, or do I need to go to the gas station?

Making waves on Pinterest:

Why is everything 10x better at night? Driving, showering, eating, vibing to music, watching Netflix… phone calls. Like, everything.

Spotted on X:

Dearest, I beg of you, sleep properly and go for walks.

Just landed via Messenger:

If you inject Botox into a raisin, does it turn back into a grape?

Going viral on Snapchat:

They say dress for the job you want, so I walk around dressed like Darth Vader.

Making waves on Instagram:

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally text them, and they will respond.

If you’re ever wondering what to do in an uncomfortable situation, just think “What would teenage me do?” And then do the opposite of that.

2 months ago

0

If you’re ever wondering what to do in an uncomfortable situation, just think “What would teenage me do?” And then do the opposite of that.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When faced with discomfort, simply channel your inner teenage self – the master of questionable decisions and rebellious choices! 💁‍♂️ But remember, this time opt for the mature and responsible route instead! Your future self will thank you for avoiding the drama! 🙌😅"

advice, decision, ever, humor, just, me, nostalgia, opposite, reflection, situation, teenage, think, uncomfortable

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Most of my shoulder workout comes from shrugging when people ask me questions.

0

2 months ago

ask, exercise, fitness, humor, me, most, people, question, questions, sarcasm, shoulder, shoulder workout, shrug, workout
Don’t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

0

2 months ago

brush, daily, daily routine, face, forget, hair, humor, hygiene, media, posts, routine, self-care, share, sharing, social, social media, teeth
I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.

0

2 months ago

activity, adulthood, count, errand, going, going out, humor, life, life stage, place, stage
I don’t know what’s more fun—grocery shopping or making the old men blush by asking if these melons look ripe.

0

2 months ago

activity, asking, blush, flirting, fun, fun activity, grocery, grocery shopping, i, know, making, man, melon, melons, men, old, old man, ripe, shopping
Here’s to a new year of making the same old mistakes, but with far more enthusiasm.

0

2 months ago

enthusiasm, fun, humor, making, mistakes, new, new year, old, optimism, Resolutions, same, self-improvement, year
When I was little, I didn’t care what I wore. I just went along with what my parents chose. When I look in old photo albums, l realize that they didn’t care either.

0

2 months ago

album, along, care, childhood, fashion, humor, i, just, little, memory, nostalgia, old, parents, photo, photo album, realize, self-expression

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ll marry your mom just so I can ground you.

11 shares on Telegram this month:

People who ask “Can I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

78 shares on Instagram this month:

I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

71 shares on Twitch this month:

Who really needs jetpacks, I want to be able to start over from my last save point.

89 shares on X this month:

I would really like to meet this “other candidate” who keeps taking all the jobs I’ve been applying to.

95 shares on Facebook this month:

Do animals have celebrities? Like, do birds all recognize that one bird who sings really well?

16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The funniest thing about 28 Years Later is that the rest of the world just went “Uhm, anyway!” and carried on as normal, while the Brits live in hell.

97 shares on Reddit this month:

The closest I get to a spa day is when I’m draining pasta, and the steam smacks me in the face.

17 shares on Twitch this month:

I assume people who bookmark my posts are building a case against me.

44 shares on X this month:

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of growing up to satisfy user needs in a way that meets business goals for transformative outcomes.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Threatening my wife with a tariff every time she makes fun of me.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Love that every time I finish a snack I have to wave my hands around to prove to my dog it’s all gone, like I’m cashing him out at a casino or something.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

“You’re just mad my gut microbiome is way more diverse and complex than yours.”

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If I delete a tweet, I should disappear with it.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

One day you’ll find someone obsessed with you. It’s probably going to be a squirrel.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish Amazon would stop finding things I might like.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, begging for my cat’s attention.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Heard a recording of my own voice, and now I can never speak again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,398

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

When a girl is done with you, she talks to you like she’s in HR or something.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Thinking you’re too smart to be manipulated is exactly how you get manipulated.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

The main function of the little toe on your foot is to make sure that all the objects and furniture in the house are in the correct place.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

I wish my hair had as much volume as my mouth.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

If you’re partying with your cousin and you’re asked if you’re related, “Our parents are siblings” will cause a lot of confusion.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Adult friendships are difficult. The people I get on best with never want to leave the house either.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Remember: The first step to recovery is addiction.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Adulting: unlocking life’s mysteries, one therapy session at a time.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Waiting for my wife to approve my new year’s resolution of making independent decisions.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

My whole life just flashed before my eyes and there was way too much pizza.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

Processed food was literally designed for you to eat. Organic is just some crap they found on the ground somewhere.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Married life: Telling your partner the same sentence 7 days in a row, only for him to say, “You definitely never told me that!”

Freshly posted on Threads:

If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

Spotted on WeChat:

All of my problems boil down to me being bad at being alive.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Another day of explaining to mom that New York is big and the footage she saw wasn’t shot on my street.

Live now on WeChat:

My husband loves when we fight, and I turn it into a limited series called And Another Thing.

Just shared via Facebook:

Next month is May. May all the money come to me.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I am half agony, half hope.

Trending via Snapchat:

Turning in bad essays to professors you have a personal relationship with is the most humiliating thing ever.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

My daughter says I’m making it up! Do you remember having to carry a quarter for the payphone, just in case?

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