Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

A man rejecting my advances can’t hurt me. I have a dog who leaves the bed every time I climb in.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

If we “talk,” you ain’t single. We’re in a pending relationship. You’re in the cart.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

I’m at an age where, when I’m tying my shoes, I think about what else I can do while I’m down here.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Jesus rose from the grave because he forgot to clear his browser history.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Never understood when the movie rating says “May contain nudity.” Are there people on the ratings board who aren’t sure if they just saw someone naked?

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

I can see the appeal of golf, the only sport where the winner is the one who does the least.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Normalize saying “better you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Whoever named rice cakes is probably also responsible for Paris, Texas.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Painted all of my red flags orange for fall.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,566

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

I want a pet eagle that’s trained to steal people’s sandwiches for me.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Someone at work just farted and I panicked and said ‘compliments to the chef’.

Shared recently on Discord:

I modeled my morning routine on the humble rooster. Wake up, scream, wander around.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Life is just a sequence of missed opportunities.

Live now on Threads:

Be the lemon you want the world to hand to others.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

You were promised to me 3,000 years ago.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I like my music at a volume where I can’t hear you.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little riddles you get to solve later.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Sorry I’m late, I was fighting for my right to party.

Just landed via Twitch:

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

I’m actually really peace-loving, but then there are other people.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Trying to spread positivity and good vibes like 😇, but some folks just bring out the inner 😈 in me! 🤷‍♂️ #PeaceLover #InnerStruggle"

conflict, humor, irony, love, peace, people, personality

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Why are they called “grammar Nazis” and not “the Gestypo”?

0

2 months ago

Gestypo, grammar, humor, joke, language, Nazi, wordplay
Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.

0

2 months ago

advice, ask, calm, fellas, humor, joke, lady, mad, put, relationship, weight
Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

0

2 months ago

career, career change, change, experience, humor, i, interviewer, job, job search, learn, me, need, new, new job, previous, search, work, work experience
Don’t argue with her. Just say “you remind me of my ex” then walk away.

0

2 months ago

argue, away, ex, humor, just, me, relationship, remind, say, walk
November moving quicker than two lesbians who met three days ago.

0

2 months ago

ago, date, days, humor, joke, lesbian, moving, November, relationship, speed, three, time
You know you’re getting old when you and the grocery store have the same playlist.

0

2 months ago

age, aging, getting, grocery, humor, joke, know, nostalgia, old, playlist, same, store

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on Slack this month:

Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

19 shares on YouTube this month:

I like how my fridge also hums when it’s trying to concentrate.

22 shares on Snapchat this month:

Being silly is very important for my mental health.

98 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sex is so embarrassing. Like, why did I want to do that to you?

32 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sorry I’m late. The door said PULL, but I don’t believe everything I read.

72 shares on Discord this month:

Single by choice. Just not my choice.

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didn’t have a private jet, she’d be Taylor Slow.

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

Turtles made out of plastic, problem solved.

36 shares on Threads this month:

Sometimes I use big words I don’t always fully understand, in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

55 shares on Reddit this month:

I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have some new ideas.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

WFH is so great until you realize you’ve walked about 17 steps all day.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

The art of letting whoever think whatever.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

I feel like you’re allowed to start your day at 4 p.m. if you are pure of heart.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

So cool that avocados come with those little wooden balls inside, I think I have collected the whole set.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

I made the mistake of clicking on an Instagram ad for a flannel shirt, and now the algorithm thinks I’m a lumberjack.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

If they can bring back the dire wolf, they can bring back Norm Macdonald.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

I’m like … if parking too far away from the curb was a person.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

I don’t even believe myself when I say I’ll be ready in 5 minutes.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

If you eat well and exercise, you’ll die fit.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

How do you react when you see someone you respect on an e-scooter?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

Sometimes being alive feels like being a pornstar who is asexual.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

With certain people, you get nauseous just hearing their name.

Spotted on X:

When someone tells me “They could care less”, instead of the proper “I couldn’t care less”, I always say “At least you care.”

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Men be like “I hate drama,” and then have love triangles, secret babies, a wife, side chick, ex that’s still around, breadcrumbs, and unhealed trauma.

Spotted on Instagram:

Every man’s biggest fear is trying a new barber.

Live now on Reddit:

Love it when my brain is like, “You forgot something,” and then refuses to elaborate.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Being awake is the worst.

Spotted on Messenger:

The best part about filling out doctor appointment forms online is when you get there and they say “hello, please fill out these forms!”

Breaking via Slack:

When you first meet a man, that fake version of him be so fire.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m actually really peace-loving, but then there are other people.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Why are they called “grammar Nazis” and not “the Gestypo”?

Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.

Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

Don’t argue with her. Just say “you remind me of my ex” then walk away.

November moving quicker than two lesbians who met three days ago.

You know you’re getting old when you and the grocery store have the same playlist.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨