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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Always be kind. You never know who might own a jacuzzi.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Life is short, unless you’re listening to a kid describing an episode of PAW Patrol.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Some of you aren’t reading the room. Not even listening to the room on audiobook.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Relationship status: the black mold in my shower thinks I’m cute.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

I bet aliens lock their door when they go past earth.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Stop making eye contact with me, I can’t afford a wedding right now.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Normalize arguing with plants who refuse to stay alive.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Deleting my mental health to focus on social media.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

When you try to be humble and say it’s no big deal and they agree with you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,544

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Snapchat:

You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

Spotted on Twitch:

I love how one day my body just decided “You know what you really need is some ear hair.”

Going viral on Messenger:

I hate it when I’m at work and someone asks “are you at free at the moment?”. Please expand further so I can know if I’m free or not.

Live now on Snapchat:

It’s strange that we say time is a great healer when it kills 100% of people.

Just landed via Instagram:

My neighbors were up shouting all night. I could barely hear my bagpipes.

Spotted on Reddit:

If consuming too much caffeine causes short-term memory loss, just imagine what consuming too much caffeine can do.

Seen just now on Reddit:

My favorite thing to do when I see people I know in public is to pretend I didn’t.

Seen just now on Instagram:

They call it a coffin because they’re finally coughing up that inheritance.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Next on Tiny Houses: A family of 6 moves into a boat emoji.

I’m actually really peace-loving, but then there are other people.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Trying to spread positivity and good vibes like 😇, but some folks just bring out the inner 😈 in me! 🤷‍♂️ #PeaceLover #InnerStruggle"

conflict, humor, irony, love, peace, people, personality

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today. I need the blood of my enemies.

0

2 months ago

blood, caffeine, coffee, cut, enemy, humor, i, need, sarcasm, today
One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

0

2 months ago

activity, aging, bar, bars, before, fun, fun activity, humor, i, interesting, joke, learned, leave, life, nightlife, social, social life, thing, thirty
One time, I was so high my bra unclasped, and I thought I got shot.

0

2 months ago

bra, embarrassment, got, high, humor, humor story, i, intoxication, misunderstanding, shot, situation, social, social situation, story, thought, time
I feel like I’ve skipped the whole ‘go out and have fun’ stage and went straight to being an 80-year-old woman.

0

2 months ago

80-year-old, 80-year-old woman, age, aging, being, feel, fun, humor, i, lifestyle, skipping, skipping stage, stage, straight, whole, woman
Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.

0

2 months ago

coping, day, facade, feelings, health, humor, irony, mental, mental health, reality, scream, smile
Eating trail mix should count as hiking.

0

2 months ago

activity, count, eating, fun, fun activity, hiking, humor, mix, outdoor, should, snack, trail, trail mix

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on Pinterest this month:

The sexual tension between me and a late afternoon coffee to get me through the workday.

96 shares on Messenger this month:

Hit my coworker with “you’re a lucky man” after I saw a picture of his wife just to let him know that I want to sleep with her.

27 shares on Instagram this month:

I wish I was as tired at bedtime as I am at 2 p.m. on any given day.

40 shares on WeChat this month:

The feminine urge to be the most feared witch in the village.

89 shares on Reddit this month:

It’s comical when I lean back in my chair only to realize it’s a stool.

10 shares on Messenger this month:

The brand name Oral B is so funny to me. WTF does the B stand for?

38 shares on YouTube this month:

“What do your tattoos mean?” They mean I can sit still for a long time.

27 shares on X this month:

I don’t want to end this year on bad terms with anybody. Could you please apologize to me?

26 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When planning dinner, remember that ice-cream has both calcium and protein.

99 shares on WeChat this month:

I’ll never tell anyone your secret because that would mean talking to people.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Microdosing bungee jumping by bending over to pick up a hair tie.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Bored as hell. Anyone want to emotionally manipulate each other?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

In a parallel universe, there’s a happy me.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

I kind of can’t wait for my generation to be bumping 90’s hip hop, rap, and heavy metal at the old folks’ homes.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Wolves should really raise more people.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

I hate that Al has now caused me to question the authenticity of cute animal videos online. I don’t even know if this baby penguin actually wore a beret to go buy a tiny baguette in Paris.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

Making eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk and saying “it’s crazy that they just let me walk around, haha”.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

It’s amazing how much I accomplish around the house right before someone is coming over.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

Waking up early is always beneficial. You just gotta make it past those first 10 minutes of being irritated.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I can relate to God because it also takes me a full week to finish something that still kind of sucks.

Going bananas on Twitch:

There is sex without love, there is love without sex, and there is me without both.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’m changing the game. I’m starting to thank people from the top of my heart.

Making waves on Messenger:

And for my next trick, I will turn yesterday’s sweatpants into today’s sweatpants.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Practicing how I’m gonna explain to the aliens that baseline and Vaseline do not sound the same.

Freshly posted on X:

After all the books are banned, they’ll move on to suggestive fruit.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

A man rejecting my advances can’t hurt me. I have a dog who leaves the bed every time I climb in.

Just landed via Reddit:

Don’t forget to overestimate your importance today.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick the one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m actually really peace-loving, but then there are other people.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today. I need the blood of my enemies.

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

One time, I was so high my bra unclasped, and I thought I got shot.

I feel like I’ve skipped the whole ‘go out and have fun’ stage and went straight to being an 80-year-old woman.

Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.

Eating trail mix should count as hiking.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨