Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

My nephew asks so many questions that Alexa just told him it’s okay to bathe with the toaster.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Make sure you bury me near a bathroom because death is long, and I’m sure I’ll still have to get up and pee.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Not again. I mean good morning.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Every once in a while, I go outside and run the vacuum cleaner on the driveway, just to make sure the neighbors never talk to me.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Don’t understand why electricians aren’t called power rangers, but okay.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Spoiler alert: Eventually you will pay a price for the way you treated people.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

I could have done without braces back then. What’s the point of having perfect teeth if I have no reason to smile?

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Do y’all watch the results come or do you go to bed and wait to see what Democracy Claus left you in the morning?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Meteorologist: It’s going to get even hotter. Me, on fire: WHAT?

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Everyone’s an empath until I need to borrow some cash.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,445

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Men with bibles names be the worst type of people.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I used to party all night. Now I check the weather forecast for the next day to see if it’s a good laundry day.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

When I was a kid, I never expected the future to suck this much.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Why can’t more dumb people be shy?

Making waves on WeChat:

WhatsApp calls should indicate whose internet is poor to avoid unnecessary arguments.

Just shared via TikTok:

Some woman is out there right now, pregnant with Leonardo DiCaprio’s next girlfriend.

Trending via Pinterest:

I want the job where I push scared skydivers out of planes.

Going bananas on Threads:

Grown men carpooling to the strip club so they can get boners and drive home together.

Trending via Twitch:

Sorry for being weird. It’s just that everything I talk about reminds me of every other thing I wanna talk about, so I try to talk about everything at the same time and explode.

I’m now at the age where happy hour is a nap.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs shots when you can have nap shots, am I right? 🍸💤 Age is just a number, but a good nap is pure happiness! 😄💤"

age, happy, happy hour, hour, humor, life, life stage, nap, relaxation, stage, where

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Some people have goals based on a summer body. Mine revolve entirely around the weight limit of my beach chairs.

0

2 months ago

beach, beach body, people, summer, summer body
No LinkedIn, I am not “open to work,” I am required to work.

0

2 months ago

am, employment, humor, i, job, LinkedIn, open, required, sarcasm, work
Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead.

0

2 months ago

admire, driver, frustration, humor, irony, patience, perspective, road, something, traffic
I came up with my passwords when I was 12, and never looked back.

0

3 months ago

12, back, came, childhood, humor, i, memory, never, nostalgia, password, passwords, procrastination, security
Getting the ick because he put the windshield wipers on at a higher rate than was needed.

0

4 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, dating, getting, getting the ick, ick, moment, peeve, pet, pet peeve, put, rate, windshield, windshield wiper, wiper
I started calling the new guy at work “Grok” because he thinks he knows everything.

0

4 months ago

calling, everything, grok, guy, humor, i, know-it-all, knows, new, new guy, nickname, office, started, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

95 shares on WeChat this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just sitting on the couch googling if penguins have knees.

59 shares on Facebook this month:

I hate it when my pillow is not pillowing like it should. You have one job. Be a pillow man. You are pillow. Act like one!

59 shares on Messenger this month:

My Native American name would be Smokes Cigarettes.

73 shares on Pinterest this month:

I was abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables. Turns out I was on the mothership.

90 shares on Discord this month:

In Star Wars, anyone can hop in any spaceship and knows how to fly it. I just spent 20 minutes trying to find the headlights in a rental car.

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

46 shares on Messenger this month:

Establish dominance by eating a salad in front of your indoor plants.

21 shares on Twitch this month:

Unfortunately, I don’t think before I speak, so l am just a shocked as you are.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

Today’s toddlers can switch on laptops and use apps. When I was little, I ate sand.

38 shares on Threads this month:

I know stretching every day will help me, but I don’t want to do it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Being an adult is getting excited about buying new appliances.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Just because you can connect to your neighbor’s bluetooth speaker and play ghost noises doesn’t mean you should.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Special Offer: Save 100% when you don’t buy anything.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Sometimes the best thing about my job is that my chair turns.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

“Damn, you’re tight!” I whisper as I look at my monthly budget.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

I slept for 11 hours last night, just wanted everyone with kids to know that.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

I am like the weather. Temporarily friendly.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Don’t you hate it when you lose things? Like the motivation to do anything.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

I wish my wife’s sighs came with subtitles.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked, I’m 4 people.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

“It could be drugs,” I tell myself as I buy more books.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Meeting Beyoncé and telling her I loved her in Goldmember and mentioning nothing about her music career, just to see if it throws her off.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Yes, officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn’t see your car.

Live now on X:

Democracy is a fine thing. The bad thing is that the stupid people are allowed to take part.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Killing me softly with his schlong.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

This book ain’t got no pictures.

Trending via Slack:

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

Trending via Telegram:

No, they’re not “symptoms of depressions.” They’re Blue’s Clues.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

My handwriting got like five different fonts, depends on my mood and the pen I’m using.

Just shared via Instagram:

I love people who refuse to follow the crowd. The crowd is always lost, follow your inner compass.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m now at the age where happy hour is a nap.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Some people have goals based on a summer body. Mine revolve entirely around the weight limit of my beach chairs.

No LinkedIn, I am not “open to work,” I am required to work.

Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead.

I came up with my passwords when I was 12, and never looked back.

Getting the ick because he put the windshield wipers on at a higher rate than was needed.

I started calling the new guy at work “Grok” because he thinks he knows everything.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨