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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Social media needs to crash for like a year so everybody can snap back into reality.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Setting up a camera to go and pretend you just woke up from bed is another level of mental illness.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

That one unemployed roommate who gets a package every day.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Flex on strangers by asking them if they remember you.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

“Home Alone” is a holiday reminder that peace begins the moment everyone leaves the house.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

My boss just left which means I have finished all of my work for the day.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Occupation: the ugly friend!

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

What is Washington’s plan to make everything bagels less messy to eat?

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you every day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

3,984

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

Before you have kids, ask yourself: how patient am I with really stupid people?

Seen just now on WeChat:

Can’t believe I didn’t get invited to that party I would have made up an excuse not to go to.

Trending via LinkedIn:

“Mom, how did we get so rich?” your father said, “Thanks, nothing from my end,” on thousands of important Zoom meetings.

Live now on WhatsApp:

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Inflation is actually a good thing, it means money is going viral.

Just shared via Discord:

“Gravy is not a beverage.” Okay, well that’s why I was trying to drink it in the bathroom, so you wouldn’t see me.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Everybody loves that comfort food until you end up with that comfort body.

Broadcasted on Discord:

My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

Trending via Threads:

If you take a social media sabbatical, don’t announce it. Just make your last post something fun like “I wonder if there’s a bear in this cave?”

Spotted on WeChat:

Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

2 months ago

0

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the joys of aging! 🧓 That moment when sitting cross-legged feels more like a risky yoga pose than a casual seating choice. 🧘‍♂️ The floor suddenly seems to have turned into a secret trap of full-body paralysis waiting to strike! Better grab a chair and some ice packs just in case. ❄️😆

age, cross-legged, days, floor, full-body, getting, getting older, humor, limitations, older, paralysis, physical, physical limitations, sitting, where

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The best thing about dogs is you can act like something really good just happened, and they’ll instantly start celebrating too. They have no idea what the context is; they’re just always ready to party, no matter what.

0

5 months ago

act, always, animal, animal behavior, behavior, best, celebration, context, dog, dogs, excitement, good, happiness, idea, joy, just, matter, party, pet, ready, something, start, thing, too
Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let’s be positive here.

0

2 months ago

fashion, fit, humor, nostalgia, positive, proud, scarf, self-esteem, yesterday
What did parents do before smart phones, hold their babies with two hands or something?

0

2 months ago

baby, before, hands, hold, humor, multitasking, nostalgia, parenting, parents, phone, phones, smart, smart phone, something, technology
One day you’ll find someone who’s obsessed with you. It’ll probably be a demon but that’s what it is.

0

2 months ago

attraction, dating, day, demon, humor, love, obsession, relationship, someone
Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.

0

2 months ago

arguing, argument, charm, compliment, confidence, cook, cooking, flirtation, fun, handsome, humor, man, masculinity, relationship, say, whatever
Went for a run this morning. That bee was huge!

0

2 months ago

bee, exercise, huge, humor, morning, nature, run

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on Slack this month:

If I like cleaning? Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

41 shares on WeChat this month:

You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

53 shares on WeChat this month:

This economy requires two hustlers working together – not a hustler and a leech. It’s too expensive to be out here carrying dead weight.

82 shares on WeChat this month:

Girlfriend is temporary, ex-girlfriend is forever.

83 shares on Telegram this month:

Showing your emotions to the wrong people is like bleeding next to a shark.

63 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t abuse substances. I cherish and nurture them.

56 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

91 shares on Twitch this month:

Yes, I make bad decisions when I’m drunk. But I wouldn’t say that the decisions I make when I’m sober are any better.

71 shares on Slack this month:

“It is what it is,” I say, not really knowing what it actually is.

14 shares on Threads this month:

It’s funny how you can annoy unhappy people by remaining calm.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

FOMO is a summer thing. Winter is all about FOGO (fear of going out).

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Kiss me like you’re trying to damn my soul and save it in the same breath.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything about something, please let me know.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I loved anything as much as my two year old loves pulling my pants down.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not saving daylight. I’m the one that needs saving.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I am so lucky that I can’t tell the difference between a heartfelt compliment and sarcastic disdain. Life is much easier when you’re dumb.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I did a little research on why weekends are only two days long and it turns out people made that up. WTF, people?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so broke, I owe myself money.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Emotions? No thanks. I’m trying to cut down.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Please respond to my telepathic messages.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

4,045

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

I have more photos of food on my phone than I do of my children.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Your honor, I was in my villain era at the time of those incidents.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

I’m never really sure what to do with my hands when I go jogging, so I don’t go jogging.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

But what if I don’t want someone that’s good for me?

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

She said she liked animals but apparently all the fruit flies around my apartment was a “turn off”

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

By day I am just a regular loser, by night I am the same loser only it’s nighttime.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

No one is excited to see me in shorts except mosquitoes.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Buying books and reading them are actually two entirely different hobbies.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

Seen just now on Instagram:

They’re releasing another “Jurassic” movie. Let me guess: The dinosaurs get loose.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

Spotted on WeChat:

I’m done with dating sites and am now only focusing on food delivery people. They have a job, a car, and most importantly food.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

A Twitter swear jar could end world hunger.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Sheep to the left of me. Cows to the right. Here I am. Stuck on a bus with a view.

Just landed via Snapchat:

So much anger in this small little body. I feel like a chihuahua.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I hope you can hear me thinking about you.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Theo Von’s entire life is like a raccoon that visits New York City.

Trending via Messenger:

Why can’t men just call you pretty without wording it uncomfortably?

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