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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Imagine being social on social media.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

My toxic trait is binging a show too fast, then getting sad when I have nothing to watch.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Death doesn’t scare me, but a group of dogs fighting while I’m walking alone on the street does.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

I’ve already sent Santa a short letter this week to say hello. Not that he thinks I only get in touch if I want something.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

I do my best to kill everyone with kindness, but they don’t seem to be dying.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

We need a streaming service that’s only ads. No shows, just commercials. They pay us $15 a month.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Dear resealable chocolate bag, your confidence in my self-control was truly inspiring. And you were delicious.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

I’ll never salute you, General Settings.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I can’t be bothered with people that can’t be bothered.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

People say opposites attract, but I say find a partner who’s deranged in the same ways you are and double your capacity to be annoying.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

4,077

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

Are you ever in the mood to get hit by a car and spend like one month in the hospital?

Spotted on X:

Going to bed early is easy, going to sleep early is a whole other set of problems.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Seriously? I came out of hibernation for this?

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Me, watching porn: they’re just going to let that pizza get cold?

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I love having plans to cancel.

Making waves on TikTok:

What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?

Making waves on Twitch:

While the optimist and pessimist argued about the glass of water, the opportunist drank it.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Shazam-ing a song in public feels the same as taking out a big hammer and bonking yourself on the head.

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

2 months ago

0

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the joys of aging! 🧓 That moment when sitting cross-legged feels more like a risky yoga pose than a casual seating choice. 🧘‍♂️ The floor suddenly seems to have turned into a secret trap of full-body paralysis waiting to strike! Better grab a chair and some ice packs just in case. ❄️😆

age, cross-legged, days, floor, full-body, getting, getting older, humor, limitations, older, paralysis, physical, physical limitations, sitting, where

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

No LinkedIn, I am not “open to work,” I am required to work.

0

2 months ago

am, employment, humor, i, job, LinkedIn, open, required, sarcasm, work
Doggy style is out cat style is in. It’s where I let you touch me until I’m satisfied then ignore you and scratch you if you try and touch me again.

0

2 months ago

again, behavior, cat, cat style, doggy, doggy style, humor, i, ignore, let, me, pet, pet behavior, playful, relationship, satisfied, scratch, style, touch, try, where
I am like a wildflower, a quiet rebellion blooming through ruins and dust.

0

2 months ago

am, blooming, dust, i, independence, nature, quiet, quiet strength, rebellion, resilience, ruins, strength, through, wildflower
This gingerbread house isn’t even close to fire safety codes.

0

2 months ago

baking, baking fail, close, codes, design, even, fail, festive, festive fun, fire, fire safety, fun, gingerbread, gingerbread house, holiday, holiday humor, house, house design, humor, safety, safety codes
Christmas bonus so small you have to call your bank and ask “is it in yet?”

0

2 months ago

ask, bank, bonus, call, Christmas, humor, joke, money, small
Source??? Pattern recognition.

0

3 months ago

analysis, data, data analysis, humor, logic, pattern, pattern recognition, questioning, recognition, science, skepticism, source

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Threads this month:

I love how all the Black Friday deals this year are just the price of the item before the tariffs.

31 shares on Snapchat this month:

My cat just sneezed a bunch of times in a row and then hissed at himself. What an icon!

30 shares on Discord this month:

Nothing is funnier than seeing how angry someone gets when they realize they can’t manipulate you.

46 shares on WeChat this month:

Be useless, so nobody can use you.

78 shares on TikTok this month:

I love people who refuse to follow the crowd. The crowd is always lost, follow your inner compass.

97 shares on Threads this month:

Did we do it, did we save the daylight?

85 shares on X this month:

I knew I had issues when motivational speakers started to irritate me.

20 shares on Messenger this month:

If you apply enough sunscreen, the rain simply rolls off.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

99 shares on YouTube this month:

Three serious exes is the right amount before you meet your spouse. You need one truly evil one, one normal one, and one situationship, and then you’ve basically experienced all dating has to offer.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The crematorium is my last hope for a hot body.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Love to go to hipster restaurants and eat half a grilled cheese off an old license plate.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Dating now is basically choosing which red flag you’re willing to tolerate.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Lovingly looking at my dog knowing I’m about to ruin her day with a bath.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

My phone screen is brighter than my future.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s been my experience that people seem a lot nicer before we get married.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The lion does not concern himself with attaching a cover letter.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I’m late, my song came on at the grocery store.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m begging for a day to be added in between Saturday and Sunday.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,884

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a neurosurgeon in the middle of brain surgery.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

If you can’t handle me at my worst just imagine how I feel.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

The people that sing their heart out, but terribly, are my people.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Oasis didn’t just write good songs. They wrote the soundtrack for a whole generation.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Drink coffee, avoid idiots, read books and repeat.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

I want to make fun of Kanye but I’m always losing my shit on the internet too.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Outfit repeater. Meal repeater. Movie rewatcher. I know what I like.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

We can’t use nicknames at work anymore, and I blame Teletubby.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

As an academic, I sometimes dream about writing fiction instead, and then I remember grant proposals.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

I just want peace, not a notification every time someone breathes.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I’ve done literally nothing all day, except feel guilty about doing nothing all day.

Shared recently on YouTube:

The grass is only greener on the other side because of all the bullshit on it.

Shared recently on Threads:

Aliens will always remain unidentified because they’re embarrassed to be associated with us humans.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

Trending via Discord:

I miss when The Weeknd was making sex-addict-on-drugs music.

Seen just now on Threads:

Just the owls and I out here enjoying the breeze amongst the trees.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Don’t worry. You’re exactly where you should be in life. Because you’ve made horrible choices.

Just landed via Slack:

We really grew up in the best era to be a kid, and the worst era to be an adult.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I’m sick of getting woken up at 6am by the bin men. I just want a nice sleep but they always insist that I get out of the bin before they collect it.

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