I’m only staying up until midnight on New Year’s to watch that bloody year die.

72 shares on Snapchat this month:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Also shame on you. Stop foolin’ me, I am pure.

77 shares on Instagram this month:

Nobody warns you of the devastation two days of stuffing will bring upon your digestive system.

78 shares on Instagram this month:

Being a social worker is crazy because those are literally my two least favorite things.

98 shares on Threads this month:

Being a little older, I am very fortunate to have someone call and check on me every day. He’s from India, and he’s very concerned about my car warranty.

26 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Journaling was the most useless thing l ever attempted. Not only am I still suffering but now there’s evidence.

83 shares on Pinterest this month:

I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Whoever has designed parking garages is either an architectural genius or an evil sadist.

11 shares on Discord this month:

Stop worrying about being weird and start being weirder.

86 shares on Twitch this month:

When someone loses something, I like to ask helpful questions like ‘Where did you last see it?’ and ‘Where did you put it?’ and ‘Where is it?’

55 shares on Instagram this month:

Never meeting another person again, so if I know you already, congrats!