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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Unfortunately, I could never be nonchalant because I am not well in the head, and also my soul is on fire.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

If it’s a ghost ship, why does it have to be on water?

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

God, I was so happy when I was 18. I wasn’t at the time, but in retrospect I was.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

When the devil couldn’t reach me, he made my brain my biggest enemy.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Long-distance couples be like, “I can’t wait,” and then they wait.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

They should invent a customer service center that isn’t “currently experiencing higher than normal call volume”.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Just once I wanna slide down a dinosaur at the end of my workday, is that too much to ask for?

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Wait, making the right choices is an option?!

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

The thumbs up emoji is a nice way to tell someone not only did you receive their message, you’re also done with the conversation.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,290

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

The more I insisted marshmallows were vegetables, the angrier my doctor got.

Breaking via Messenger:

In case of a disaster, women and children are being evacuated first so men can think about a solution in peace.

Going bananas on Slack:

If it turns cold one more time, I’m gonna put the Christmas tree back up.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Opening the web before 9am is crazy. Like, did you even try to have a good day?

Breaking via TikTok:

I am grateful for my experiences. I just didn’t need them all.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

To steal from one is plagiarism, to steal from many is research.

Making waves on Slack:

If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, it’s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

Seen just now on Discord:

They should make a drug that recreates the feeling of having your number called earlier than expected.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Getting older is sexy. You moan more.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Normalize booing in the workplace.

I’m so lazy that I’ll break my tooth trying to get this tag off before I get up and get a scissor.

Witty text about extreme laziness, humorously exaggerating effort to remove a tag.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Talk about dedication to laziness! Who needs scissors when you have teeth, right? 😂🦷 #LazyLife"

, , , , , , , , ,

Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Every time I blink, it’s Monday again. I can’t live like this.

78 shares on Telegram this month:

Well, maybe grass should touch me for once. How about that?

75 shares on Threads this month:

I feel like waking up early on the weekend is so disrespectful.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

I aspire to be a stay-at-home mom with no kids.

28 shares on Telegram this month:

Being loved right feels like telepathy and a little bit of witchcraft.

26 shares on Slack this month:

Letting her be the passenger princess cause I care about my safety.

71 shares on WeChat this month:

Just a few more hours of scrolling, and then I will finally know.

84 shares on WhatsApp this month:

On the internet it’s super easy to take credit for stuff you had nothing to do with. That’s why I invented it.

57 shares on YouTube this month:

Shout-out to my embarrassingly squeaky ass bed frame that makes me sound more popular than I actually am to my neighbors.

37 shares on TikTok this month:

I hope one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

“I asked Grok. I asked ChatGPT.” Yeah, well, I asked my mom. She said no.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I love making the whole conversation so awkward that the most anyone can say after is “so yeah…”

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when I forget to say something during an argument. Like, hey, let’s argue again, I got better material now.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Wait. We’re now turning plants into burgers? Haven’t cows been doing that like, forever.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My morning routine consists of talking myself out of quitting my job.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Did you know there are people who go away for 3 days and only pack 3 days’ worth of clothing?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I was a moose. No work, no school, just eating grass and wrecking cars.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

A gambler is only called an addict when he loses.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite machine at the gym is the one where you put change in, and snacks come out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,386

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

My sleeping pattern ain’t even a pattern anymore, it’s a freestyle that’s on shuffle.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Are you my pinky toe, because I will bang you on all my furniture.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

When someone asks me if my twins are natural, I tell them no they’re robots.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Sorry, I ghosted you. I liked you too much.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

I wish I had a pair of skinny genes.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

How many filters does it take before it’s technically a painting?

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Dating apps are no place for meeting your soulmate. The best way to find your soulmate is to tweet really good.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

Just landed via Slack:

Eat whatever you want. If someone calls you fat, eat them too.

Spotted on Telegram:

Accidentally falling asleep on the couch is somehow always the best sleep.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

You’re not entertaining, you are exittaining.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

You’re never alone. There’s mold.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Today, I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word “irony.”

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.

Trending via Twitch:

I received my electricity bill. I think they billed me for sunlight, divine light, and the light at the end of the tunnel.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Welcome to Elephant in the Room club, no one talks about it.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Dating for love isn’t working. Now I’m dating to conduct psychological experiments and collect data.

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