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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Hotel towels are always the worst. So thick and fluffy that I can’t even close my suitcase.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Your woman will take 2 hours to get ready, but if you don’t have your shoes on when she is ready, you’re the problem.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

A police lineup, but you have to recognize your dad’s sneeze.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Photos are cool because they are like now but for later.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

How many filters does it take before it’s technically a painting?

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

My sleeping pattern ain’t even a pattern anymore, it’s a freestyle that’s on shuffle.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

I’m really hoping money falls from the sky this week, or else I’m doomed.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Why does the dentist have to take an x-ray of my teeth? They right there, bro!

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

You should be allowed to go home early from work if you miss your dog a lot.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,493

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I wish my Fitbit could track all the steps I’ve taken trying to find where I put it.

Just landed via Reddit:

I’m getting to the age where it’s rude to pull out a bottle of ibuprofen if I don’t have enough for everyone.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

When my friends and I talk about sex, it’s never sexual. It feels scientific, almost.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I have no prime. I will evolve till I die.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I’ve been saying for years that cigs are better for you than vapes, and the vindication I feel now is just orgasmic.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

We’d all look younger if we just avoided young people.

Spotted on X:

Feeling guilty for taking up the entire therapy session talking about myself.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Me rereading his texts after we’ve already said goodnight just so I can giggle and blush all over again.

Spotted on Messenger:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t that thing I’ve been ignoring until it became a giant problem.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Don’t give up, keep going. There are still so many disappointments waiting for you.

I’m so lazy that I’ll break my tooth trying to get this tag off before I get up and get a scissor.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Talk about dedication to laziness! Who needs scissors when you have teeth, right? 😂🦷 #LazyLife"

break, effort, get up, humor, i, lazy, scissor, tag, tooth, trying

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Having no one to talk would get you a good sleeping schedule.

0

2 months ago

alone, alone time, good, having, humor, peace, rest, schedule, sleeping, sleeping schedule, solitude, talk, talking, time
I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

0

2 months ago

activity, around, backyard, carrying, chainsaw, funny activity, guessing, humor, i, joke, keep, ladder, relationship, surprise, walking, wife
I’m drinking coffee so I don’t say mean things to you. You’re welcome.

0

2 months ago

coffee, drinking, humor, i, mean, mean things, sarcasm, say, self-control, things, welcome
I could tell by the way she was pouring gasoline on a pile of my clothes that the relationship had hit some turbulence.

0

2 months ago

breakup, clothes, fire, gasoline, hit, humor, i, pile, relationship, sarcasm, tell, turbulence
I’ll be home for Christmas, because that’s where I live.

0

2 months ago

Christmas, holiday, home, humor, i, live, where
The term “bisexual” is so confusing. Are you sexual twice a week or once every other week?

0

5 months ago

bisexual, confusing, confusion, every, frequency, humor, once, relationship, sexual, term, twice, week

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Instagram this month:

The problem with leading by example is that no one pays attention.

98 shares on Reddit this month:

School reunion is a scam… nobody is missing anyone, they just want to know whether you have made it in life or not.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Uh oh, said somethin’ weird. Better fix it by saying something even weirder.

60 shares on Telegram this month:

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

21 shares on Slack this month:

Life can only give you lemons if you answer the door.

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

Does your life really flash before your eyes or is it just your brain closing all open tabs one last time.

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Show dominance by ending the year in bed.

46 shares on Facebook this month:

Mercury retrograde: because adulting is hard, and sometimes you just need a celestial excuse.

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

With no training whatsoever, I took out myself and the other two people exiting the ski lift in one fell swoop.

23 shares on X this month:

One of the most amazing things in nature is that the basketball hoop is the perfect size to fit a basketball through.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

I want a man who doesn’t annoy me while I’m constantly getting on his nerves. It can’t be that difficult.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Jan 1st: Avocado on whole grain toast with a protein shake. Jan 20th: Syrup comes from a tree so technically it’s a vegetable.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

“What’s your 5-year plan?” I’ll probably go to the movies next week, I think.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Absent father sucks, but have you met the final boss, the father who is actually in your life every day but emotionally unavailable, lol.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

I’m at the age where I have to warm up first before jumping to conclusions.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

“I’m like Sisyphus but with dishes. Dishyphus.”

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Steve Jobs was a vibe coder. He just prompted Steve Wozniak.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Gender and sexuality aside, I believe everyone just wants someone who wears short shorts and makes a lot of noise in bed.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

I’ve already broken all my resolutions and like four commandments.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Caffeine: the adult version of fairy dust.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

Limbo is the only sport where being really bad at it means you’re raising the bar.

Trending via Instagram:

I don’t know why hair extensions are exclusive to women, I want to look like a centaur.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I accidentally said “large” instead of “venti” at Starbucks and now the cops are here.

Going bananas on Facebook:

“Well at least I don’t have to wake up any more.” Is what I want my tombstone to say.

Breaking via Discord:

I am so incredibly tired today. I think my shelf life has expired.

Broadcasted on Slack:

There should be a good 10 hours in between waking up and having to interact with people.

Just shared via Facebook:

A long time ago, being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody is crazy.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I’ve decided to give people an attitude instead of gifts this year.

Going viral on YouTube:

The real me comes out at midnight (it’s just me spending money online).

Just shared via Twitch:

We always asked “where is Waldo” but never “who is Waldo hiding from”.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m so lazy that I’ll break my tooth trying to get this tag off before I get up and get a scissor.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Having no one to talk would get you a good sleeping schedule.

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

I’m drinking coffee so I don’t say mean things to you. You’re welcome.

I could tell by the way she was pouring gasoline on a pile of my clothes that the relationship had hit some turbulence.

I’ll be home for Christmas, because that’s where I live.

The term “bisexual” is so confusing. Are you sexual twice a week or once every other week?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨