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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

I don’t drink blood to stay young. I do it mainly for the lifestyle.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

If we ever make eye contact, just know I imagined way too much already.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

No we can’t hangout, you’ll end up falling in love with me and I don’t have time for that.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

You’ll be fighting for your life financially and that’s when all your toiletries finish at the same time.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Pretty sure the inventor of noise-canceling headphones had a young kid trying to learn an instrument.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Why do parents bust in your room like they trying to catch you cheating on them with another pair of parents or something?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,691

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes. Interviewer: I meant more like “professional goals”.

I’m sorry for inventing the universe.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oops! My bad, didn’t mean to cause such a cosmic stir! 😂🌌🚀"

apology, humor, invention, sarcasm, sorry, universe

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.

1 month ago
comedy, exaggeration, humor, humor style, humorous, humorous observation, irony, observation, sarcasm, satire, say, smoke, smoking, something, style, times, while, wit
I’m trying to be awesome today, but I’m too exhausted from being so awesome yesterday.

2 months ago
awesome, effort, exhausted, humor, motivation, self-care, today, trying, yesterday
People in my real life annoy me, so I come online to annoy you.

1 month ago
annoy, humor, i, interaction, life, me, online, people, real, real life, sarcasm, social, social interaction
Is 27 a good age to leave everything you know and love, and start over?

3 months ago
age, beginning, change, decision, everything, good, know, leave, life, life change, love, new, new beginning, over, start, starting, starting over, uncertainty
My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.

1 month ago
frustration, gift, holiday, humor, husband, i, marriage, me, pissed, prank, put, remote, tree, under
The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

1 month ago
chores, cleaning, house, housework, humor, minute, procrastination, sit, thing, tidying, worst

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Filling my PEZ dispenser with Ibuprofen for whimsical pain relief.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

You know when a donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking? That’s what it’s like having kids.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

I did vote once but only because I thought the line was to a buffet.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

The week be like Mooonnnday, Tueeesday, Weeeeednesday, Thuuuuursday, FriSatSun

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Nothing fixes your life the way deactivating Instagram does.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

I hate it when you ask what you thought was a simple question in a meeting at work, and it turns into another meeting.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

That awkward moment when you’re about to leave work and your boss says “before you go”.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

We could all be hibernating right now but noooooo we have to be “adults” with “responsibilities”.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I listen to rock music, my neighbors do too.

Trending via TikTok:

Are people born with photographic memories or do they take time to develop?

Breaking via Twitch:

Trying to eat with my left hand because I need a little excitement in my life.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I could never journal, I’d start lying in there too.

Spotted on Reddit:

Sorry for zoning out, bro. It’s just, I’ve been having a bad day for several years.

Shared recently on Slack:

Salt and pepper shakers add an air of mystique to any bathroom.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m sorry for inventing the universe.

If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.

I’m trying to be awesome today, but I’m too exhausted from being so awesome yesterday.

Is 27 a good age to leave everything you know and love, and start over?

My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

I hope this email keeps you awake at night.

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

Don’t bother telling me where you’re from, I have no geographical knowledge and no sense of direction.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I was born tired, and I will die tired. If I ever tell you I’m not tired, I’m probably lying.

I’m at the stage in life where I stay out of arguments. Even if you say 1+1=5, you’re right. Have fun.

My best three minutes of sleep are the ones right before the alarm goes off.

Like a fine bourbon, we get better with age. Or, at least, … we feel better about our age after drinking lots of bourbon!

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

When you meet twins, demand to speak with the one in charge.

If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.

Traveling long distance without earphones feels like you’re serving a jail term.

It’s a good friend who, when you want the truth, knows what truth you want.

Drivers seem to underestimate how willing I am to get knocked down at a zebra crossing to prove a point.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I hate that I’m so indecisive. Actually, I don’t know if hate is the right word.

I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

Women who don’t check a man’s phone will still use their intuition and dreams to find out if he’s cheating.

I’m only drinking a lot of beer tonight because I need the room in the fridge.

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I’m sorry for inventing the universe.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.

I’m trying to be awesome today, but I’m too exhausted from being so awesome yesterday.

People in my real life annoy me, so I come online to annoy you.

Is 27 a good age to leave everything you know and love, and start over?

My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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