Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

I have to work because the baby is expensive. (I’m the baby.)

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Every single bad day happened because I woke up.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

I get sad whenever they’re mean to Zoidberg in Futurama.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

A beaver is an otter that has studied architecture.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Sometimes I do this fun little thing, where I take the time to write a grocery list, and then I forget it at home.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Most venomous snakes just make “Tsssss”. But I know some that say “Hi”.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

I just wanna be rich enough to not have to run onstage after concerts to get my bra back.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

It was the kind of movie that kept you on the edge of your seat, waiting for something interesting to happen.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I’m late. I found my old CD collection.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,836

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

When I’m in a good mood, I go to my blocked list and release one or two prisoners.

Just landed via Reddit:

Is it cool if I come into your life and just never leave, like a stray cat?

Going bananas on Telegram:

“I can’t wait to go back to bed tonight!” Me, 5 minutes after waking up.

Broadcasted on X:

People who own banana costumes will wear that shit to anything.

Going viral on X:

I always ask for a receipt so I can keep them in my purse for 86 years.

Spreading quickly via X:

Bugs Bunny was my introduction to opera. Can’t say I’ve kept up with it much since.

Trending via Discord:

She wanted me to impress her in the bedroom, so I showed her my organized sock drawer and my fresh matching bedding.

Just landed via Discord:

For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.

Making waves on Instagram:

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

Shared recently on Discord:

A good man is hard to find, but a babysitter for Friday night is harder.

I’m surviving motherhood, one teenage meltdown at a time.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like you're earning a PhD in Teenage Drama Survival 😂🏆 #SurvivalSkills #MomLife

humor, meltdown, motherhood, parenting, survival, teenage, teenager, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My morning yoga routine has really helped shift my lower back pain into my upper back.

0

2 months ago

back, back pain, exercise, flexibility, health, humor, irony, morning, morning routine, pain, routine, upper, yoga
Telling my coworkers I can’t talk in meetings today because I need to save my voice for concerts this weekend.

0

2 months ago

activity, concert, concerts, coworker, coworkers, excuse, fun, fun activity, humor, i, meeting, meetings, need, save, talk, telling, today, voice, weekend, work
I don’t like people who take drugs, for example: airport security.

0

2 months ago

airport, airport security, drug, drugs, example, humor, i, joke, people, sarcasm, security, take
I’m proud of myself because, despite having so many expenses, I still manage to add more.

0

2 months ago

add, budgeting, expenses, finance, having, humor, i, irony, manage, management, money, money management, myself, pride, proud, self, self pride, still
I tried explaining crypto to my nine-year-old, and she said, “It sounds like someone is trying to sell you their imaginary friend.”

0

5 months ago

child, crypto, explaining, explanation, friend, humor, i, imaginary, imaginary friend, misunderstanding, nine-year-old, said, sell, selling, someone, sounds, tried, trying
Headless mannequins are great because they let you see how you’ll look wearing a new shirt after you’ve been decapitated.

0

2 months ago

after, decapitated, fashion, great, headless, humor, irony, let, mannequin, new, self-image, shirt

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Twitch this month:

We need a word for a type of person who spends all their time working to live in a city so they can be near cool things, but they don’t actually like going out.

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

74 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s not sleeping alone if there are crumbs in your bed.

61 shares on Threads this month:

Parents be like, “I gave you everything I had,” and by everything, they meant the collector’s edition boxed set of mental illness.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

Squirrels get most of their energy from chewing on powerlines, that acorn thing is just for show.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s kinda weird that in order to go to sleep you have to pretend like you are already sleeping.

70 shares on Threads this month:

When you scream into your pillow, the memory foam never forgets.

67 shares on WeChat this month:

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a lying weirdo.

27 shares on Slack this month:

The problem with self-checkout is that all the cashiers are idiots.

51 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m so cold, I wish I could get in the dryer.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

People ask you, “are you crazy”, and then get scared when you answer, “yes”.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

“I’m pretty good with money unless I leave my house or have access to the internet.”

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Every day, a new coworker asks if you’ve used ChatGPT, and the conversation doesn’t end if you say “No.”

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Always stay crazy. Otherwise you’ll go crazy.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

You may think no one is there for you, but there’s laundry. Laundry is always there for you.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

They should invent more hobbies for people without skills or patience.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Marry the man who treats your dumb questions like they’re NASA-level problems.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

I’m eating sandwiches you haven’t heard of in jeans you can’t pronounce.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Do we barbecue with women or without salad?

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Slack:

Seeing a BBL in real life is a reality-altering experience.

Going bananas on Discord:

Taylor Swift’s prenup is about to be longer than any book Travis Kelce has ever read.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Nothing prepared me for the part of adulthood where you look like a baby deer learning to walk every time you get out of bed in the morning.

Trending via Threads:

One of my biggest faults is that when I ask someone their name, I forget to listen to what their name is.

Going bananas on Slack:

Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you’re reading this, we’re robbing a bank in 12 minutes.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

If you’re looking for another bad decision, I’m here.

Making waves on Discord:

Wearing expensive perfume to work feels like such a waste. This should be under someone’s full body weight, not in a corporate setting.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

My five-year plan is to get back my whimsy, joy, childlike wonder.

Just shared via Discord:

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m surviving motherhood, one teenage meltdown at a time.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

My morning yoga routine has really helped shift my lower back pain into my upper back.

Telling my coworkers I can’t talk in meetings today because I need to save my voice for concerts this weekend.

I don’t like people who take drugs, for example: airport security.

I’m proud of myself because, despite having so many expenses, I still manage to add more.

I tried explaining crypto to my nine-year-old, and she said, “It sounds like someone is trying to sell you their imaginary friend.”

Headless mannequins are great because they let you see how you’ll look wearing a new shirt after you’ve been decapitated.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨