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"Sorry, my heart belongs to someone else… my heated car seat! 🚗💕 Who needs a significant other when you have constant warmth and comfort at the touch of a button? #RelationshipGoals"

car, comfort, heated, heated seat, humor, love, relationship, seat, warmth

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If she has Bukowski on her nightstand, she will devour you.

1 month ago
book, Bukowski, devour, humor, literature, nightstand, relationship, woman
We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

1 month ago
20, access, age, ago, anyone, digital, digital age, experience, hard, humor, internet, internet user, new, old, old internet, online, online access, sarcasm, should, stupid, technology, too, usability, used, user, user experience
A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

1 month ago
account, five, humor, minutes, moment, money, paycheck, silence, spending
Every year, just in time for Christmas, when it’s freezing cold, the Coca Cola truck shows up. Now, in this freaking heat, it’s nowhere to be seen.

1 month ago
Christmas, coca, Coca Cola, cola, cold, every, freezing, heat, humor, irony, just, nowhere, seasonal, seen, shows, time, truck, year
Adulting: unlocking life’s mysteries, one therapy session at a time.

5 months ago
adulting, health, humor, life, mental, mental health, mystery, self-care, session, therapy, time
If I learned anything in college, it’s that pepper spray only stings for a couple hours.

1 month ago
college, couple, experience, humor, i, learning, pepper, pepper spray, spray, sting

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

When old people say, “Long as you happy,” that means you’re pretty dumb.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

“Ooh, you’ve caught the sun.” Translation: You look like you’ve been swimming in a volcano.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying things like, “That’s a pretty building.”

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

It’s always a huge relief when I’m reading a list of symptoms of a deadly disease, and it says unexplained weight loss.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

When you see a squirrel, you’re bound to say, “Awww, a squirrel!”

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

I dunno what I did in a past life but holy crap I’m sorry.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I’m no Hobbit, but I do often walk blindly into some rather dodgy situations.

Going viral on Facebook:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re always sleepy unless you’re trying to get to sleep.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Those astronauts that just landed? They should be greeted by chimpanzees on horses.

Going bananas on Threads:

You know it’s a fancy restaurant when you have to point at what you want on the menu because you can’t pronounce the name.

Going viral on Threads:

Why would I date a nonchalant man? I like my men how I like my thong.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

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Activity Log ✨

In a relationship with my heated car seat.

If she has Bukowski on her nightstand, she will devour you.

We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

Every year, just in time for Christmas, when it’s freezing cold, the Coca Cola truck shows up. Now, in this freaking heat, it’s nowhere to be seen.

Adulting: unlocking life’s mysteries, one therapy session at a time.

If I learned anything in college, it’s that pepper spray only stings for a couple hours.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Winter is actually awesome because if you put on a couple of movies at 5 p.m., it’s already pitch black and the evening is super long, so it feels like you’re staying up til 2 a.m., but in reality, it’s only 11 p.m. 10/10!

I don’t know if I’m pregnant or what, but I’ve been craving 3 million dollars so bad.

Mental state: just googled “When will the sun explode.”

The Christmas tree I’ve had up all year makes a lot more sense now.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Babe, is everything OK? You’ve barely accomplished anything at all in your entire life.

I bet the guy who named the sperm whale wasn’t allowed to name things anymore after that.

No more looking back in anger. It’s time to look forward in anger.

The greatest allies fascism and genocide have are the people who say, “I don’t follow the news, it’s too depressing.”

You can tell a lot about someone based on which Spice Girl they were most attracted to.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

You know Santa isn’t real because no man over 40 is out past 9PM.

“You just want an easy life.” Should I want a difficult one?

“Do something with your life.” Um, I am. Have you heard of a little thing called squandering?

I don’t understand why people have to “get ready for bed.” I am always ready for bed.

There are two wolves inside me, but please no one tell my landlord.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

If someone leaves your life, it’s often because the actor playing them is getting cancelled in the real world.

Best tips for saving money: lay down and don’t move.

Whoever named them fitting rooms has a lot of nerve.

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In a relationship with my heated car seat.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

If she has Bukowski on her nightstand, she will devour you.

We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

Every year, just in time for Christmas, when it’s freezing cold, the Coca Cola truck shows up. Now, in this freaking heat, it’s nowhere to be seen.

Adulting: unlocking life’s mysteries, one therapy session at a time.

If I learned anything in college, it’s that pepper spray only stings for a couple hours.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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