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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

People who quit their jobs before having a backup job lined up ain’t scared of nothing.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

When my friends and I talk about sex, it’s never sexual. It feels scientific, almost.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Everyone hates on Gollum but he had the right idea: become a hermit, collect jewels, swim naked in lakes and pools, occasionally hiss at people who try to make you go places.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

I hate that I present as an independent woman who doesn’t need any help. It’s a facade. Help me.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

I googled my symptoms and it turns out I just need this election to be over.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

My favourite adult hack is when I carefully and thoughtfully put something very important away so I can’t lose it, and then I never find it again.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Are you spaghetti because I want you to meat my balls?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

233 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,502

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,502

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,694

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

Hair is washed. I am finally lovable and capable of loving again.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Starting drama with me the week before my period is an absolutely terrible idea – for you.

Shared recently on Threads:

Boyfriend hasn’t accepted my LinkedIn request yet. He doesn’t want to connect. He doesn’t want to build.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Sneaking up behind people and marrying them.

Seen just now on Slack:

Here’s to a new year of making the same old mistakes, but with far more enthusiasm.

Just shared via Telegram:

If you get hangovers, it’s because you drank the beers with impure intentions and heavy karmic debt.

Going bananas on Reddit:

To anybody who thinks being self-employed means you don’t have to work for a boss you hate, I have terrible news.

Shared recently on X:

The downside of common sense is, having to deal with those that lack it.

Just landed via Instagram:

I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.

Spotted on X:

Life is really sucking the life out of me.

In contrast to the ship, the movie Titanic was quite well received in America.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like America prefers sinking box office records over sinking ships! 🚢🎥😄"

America, contrast, humor, movie, reception, ship, Titanic, well

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You are not in a situationship. You are texting a man who doesn’t like you.

0

2 months ago

dating, humor, man, relationship, self-awareness, situationship, texting
You’re not stuck in traffic. You are traffic.

0

2 months ago

humor, jam, joke, perspective, stuck, traffic, traffic jam
Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

0

2 months ago

being, break, culture, employees, help, humor, meetings, productive, productivity, take, wonderful, work, work culture, workplace
My plans for today? Same as always, drink coffee and be sexy.

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4 months ago

always, coffee, confidence, daily, daily routine, drink, humor, plan, plans, routine, same, sexy, today
Getting a wife is very powerful, because you get a personal psychic that will tell you things like, “Your keys are in the gray pants in the hamper,” and “He will ultimately betray you.”

0

1 week ago

betrayal, getting, gray, humor, keys, marriage, pants, personal, powerful, prediction, psychic, relationship, tell, things, wife
I thought I had more straws. Sorry, turns out that was the last one.

0

2 months ago

apology, humor, i, last, last one, mistake, misunderstanding, sorry, straw, straws, thought

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on Discord this month:

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

80 shares on Slack this month:

If we start dating now, we could be arguing on a road trip by August.

25 shares on Discord this month:

Welcome to your 40s, the best part of your day is now the heated seats in your car after a long day.

80 shares on Instagram this month:

Having teens is fun because they demand their independence but then turn right around and ask you for $20.

91 shares on X this month:

The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.

75 shares on Discord this month:

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

54 shares on Discord this month:

AirPods are hungry for earwax. It’s your job to feed them.

19 shares on Instagram this month:

Tupperware is filing for bankruptcy. They would have kept a lid on the news but they couldn’t find one.

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Only thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m stupid.

70 shares on Facebook this month:

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

I am thinking of watching a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Babe, are you okay? You haven’t touched your dark humor all day.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Living up to your potential sounds exhausting.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

I was thinking of becoming self employed, but due to cutbacks, I can’t afford to hire me right now.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

The only Spanish I know is buenas noches, which means bonus nachos – like finding forgotten tortilla chips in your cargo shorts.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

The week be like Mooonnnday, Tueeesday, Weeeeednesday, Thuuuuursday, FriSatSun

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Feeling melancholy. Think I’ll have a drink and make things much worse.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

When people tell me “you’re going to regret that in the morning”, I sleep until noon because I am a problem solver.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Telegram:

Hate it when my alarm goes off in the morning, and I’m still alive.

Trending via Threads:

Oh, you like NYC? Name every rat.

Shared recently on X:

I’m so lucky people can’t hear what I’m thinking.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Forget tagging friends, I want to be able to tag my enemies.

Just shared via Discord:

Helvetica is my favorite font that sounds like a heavy metal band.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

(at an incredibly low point in my life) I should start dating again.

Going viral on TikTok:

Oxygen was discovered in 1773. How did our ancestors breathe before then?

Seen just now on Facebook:

Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Checked myself, but unfortunately, after I wrecked myself.

Going viral on Reddit:

Toddlers negotiate like tiny mob bosses: it’s the hard way or the harder way.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

In contrast to the ship, the movie Titanic was quite well received in America.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

You are not in a situationship. You are texting a man who doesn’t like you.

You’re not stuck in traffic. You are traffic.

Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

My plans for today? Same as always, drink coffee and be sexy.

Getting a wife is very powerful, because you get a personal psychic that will tell you things like, “Your keys are in the gray pants in the hamper,” and “He will ultimately betray you.”

I thought I had more straws. Sorry, turns out that was the last one.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨