Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

You need a twins name suggestion? How about Kate and DupliKate?

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

I don’t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didn’t have a private jet, she’d be Taylor Slow.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

My psych professor asked if we’d heard of Pavlov. I said, “It rings a bell.” No one laughed; I’m too witty for this class.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Imagine you and me as cows in Switzerland, enjoying the view and saying “moo” every day.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Outfit repeater. Meal repeater. Movie rewatcher. I know what I like.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

They can steal your recipe, but the sauce won’t taste the same.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Jesus invited prostitutes to dinner and was praised for compassion. I do it, and suddenly I ‘made Christmas awkward.’

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Drive like no one is watching.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

They should invent a day where I don’t think.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,614

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

Can I do better? Yes. Will I do better? Probably not.

Trending via Slack:

My son was praying for “everybody in the world.” If you suddenly start experiencing good fortune, you’re welcome.

Trending via Discord:

Sorry, babe, can’t right now. The group chat is active, and I’m trying to get my joke in before they change topics.

Just landed via Slack:

Remember when we used to jump out of the swings? Those knees were fresh, fresh out the box.

Going viral on Messenger:

If someone ghosts you, respect the dead and never disturb them again.

Just shared via Slack:

Nobody has ever been given a cheeseburger and been upset about it.

Spotted on Slack:

If you drink enough, any bar can be a karaoke bar.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I don’t think fish should be allowed to eat other fish. I don’t know. Just seems weird. That’s like your coworker, dude.

Just landed via WeChat:

For once, I’d like to spiral into control.

Shared recently on Discord:

Me, as a therapist: “OMG, me too!”

In my culture, family is completely unimportant. And we hate food.

2 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sure thing! Just like my phone, I'm low on family connections and running on empty calories. 😂🍔📴

culture, family, food, hate, humor, sarcasm

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

0

2 months ago

activity, blood, blood pressure, family, group, group activity, health, humor, involvement, machine, person, pressure, whole
Me: Maybe it’s the weed talking but your apartment seems enormous. IKEA Manager: Sir.

1

2 months ago

apartment, conversation, enormous, humor, IKEA, manager, me, perspective, talking, weed
Shopping is the only exercise I need.

0

2 months ago

activity, exercise, fun, fun activity, humor, i, leisure, need, shopping
People argue with me more in my head than they do in real life.

0

2 months ago

argue, argument, conversation, debate, head, humor, imagination, inner, inner voice, life, me, mental, mental debate, mind, people, real, voice
I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

0

2 months ago

clothes, fashion, government, humor, i, nice, nothing, shutdown, wear
If I ever go missing, please print my picture on wine bottles and not on milk boxes. My friends are more likely to find me then.

0

2 months ago

ever, friends, humor, i, me, milk, missing, picture, print, wine

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s a good thing that our phones only convey sight and sound. No offense, but from most of you I would never want to receive a smelfie!

65 shares on Discord this month:

My house was clean yesterday. Sorry, you missed it.

88 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I have an addiction to pattern recognition.

16 shares on Twitch this month:

I’ve decided to handle this like a mature adult, I’m telling your mom.

22 shares on Facebook this month:

Handsome, you better get to the point, my beer buzz is starting to wear off.

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

The funniest thing about Batman is that he legitimately doesn’t give a shit about crime that happens during the day.

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

I miss whatever age I was when I thought five dollars was a lot of money.

32 shares on Discord this month:

Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I need to stop living by the words “life is short.” It’s hurting my bank account.

54 shares on Reddit this month:

Showing up late with an iced coffee is not about poor time management, it’s about knowing how to make an entrance.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

I need to know the brand of toothbrush my neighbor has. I hear it buzzing sometimes an hour at a time and she’s clearly enjoying it.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

I wonder how much this “Never mind, it’s only 10 bucks” has already cost me?

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Hi, I’m a social media user, you might know me from such hits as “I’m leaving this stupid place” and “I’m back everybody.”

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

“It’s bikini season,” I whisper, eating another bikini.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

If kids these days had a perfume, it would be called Audacity.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

I’m willing to do anything for a job except write a cover letter.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Seven wives and no alcohol? No thanks, Mormons.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

When I die I want people to say “Hmm, I didn’t know you could die like that.”

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I like to establish dominance by yawning the minute someone tries to make small talk with me.

Just shared via Discord:

Sure, I’m uncomfortable, but only in situations.

Just landed via Reddit:

Someone you haven’t talked to in forever will show up in your dream just to do a backflip.

Trending via Slack:

Parenting a teenager is surreal because you’ll be sitting there, and some dude who is much taller than you will walk around the corner and ask you how to open a popcorn bag.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Started the year single. Ending the year single. Consistency is key.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

My neighbor said he heard me having sex today but it was just me standing in front of my air conditioner.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Wi-Fi: Your internet connection is unstable. Me: You should see my life.

Just shared via Twitch:

If you think about it, Santa really has the best job, he works one day a year and spends the rest of his time judging people.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Watching as gravity slowly unfriends you.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I have a man cold. Goodbye, world. Tell my story.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

In my culture, family is completely unimportant. And we hate food.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

Me: Maybe it’s the weed talking but your apartment seems enormous. IKEA Manager: Sir.

Shopping is the only exercise I need.

People argue with me more in my head than they do in real life.

I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

If I ever go missing, please print my picture on wine bottles and not on milk boxes. My friends are more likely to find me then.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨