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When I turned into the harbor of marriage, I didn’t know that a warship was anchored there.

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A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this red wine just now.

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No parenting book prepares you for the stank of your kid’s soccer bag.

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The concept of dominant hands is hilarious to me. That one of our hands is just like, “No, Iโ€™m not helping.”

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A hacker called me and said he had all my passwords. I got a pen and paper and said ‘Thank God for that, what are they?’

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Nothing makes you regret an outfit choice faster than when you see teens looking at you and whispering.

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Welcome to adulthood. You have a favorite gas station now.

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Iโ€™m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

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Iโ€™m so desperate for a vacation that at this point Iโ€™d spend an all inclusive week at Jurassic Park.

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Everyone talks about climate change, but no one has the courage to sacrifice a virgin to appease the gods.

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Incense sticks are just disappointing sparklers.

Incense sticks are just disappointing sparklers.

Commentary:
"Using incense sticks is like expecting the dazzling show of a sparkler ๐ŸŽ‡ and getting a subtle whiff of disappointment instead. They're the ultimate 'sparkle-less' firework of the aromatic world! โœจ๐Ÿ˜‚"



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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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