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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

The ways printers are like kids: Need feeding, are noisy and can’t function when offline.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Seems like the mosquitoes swiped right on me.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

IKEA is like the Hotel California of furniture stores.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

All women want is to consistently annoy one handsome man forever.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Okay, this is getting ridiculous. It can’t just be the one guy. It’s gotta be a group of people pooping my son’s diaper.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Life hack: Allow yourself 8–12 hours of alone time every morning to prepare for the day.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

“Well, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

How did we decide to go with cockpit?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2405 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,567

Funny Quotes Topics

15,241

Funny Quotes Images

12,567

49 minutes ago

3,443

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

That beeping of the parking assistant when you get too close to other cars. I’d like that for people.

Live now on YouTube:

That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you’re shopping for something else because they just won’t budge.

Just shared via X:

Very disappointed to find out that the universal remote control I bought does not control the universe.

Just shared via Pinterest:

When they say screen time is bad for you, they just mean the ones at work, right?

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I love how spring sprung and then disappeared again.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I wish other jobs let us solve issues by releasing diss tracks. Got some sick rhymes about Debbie from accounting and her poorly structured invoicing.

Seen just now on Reddit:

People who quit their jobs before having a backup job lined up ain’t scared of nothing.

Trending via Instagram:

Gentle parenting is making sure your kids can’t hear what you say when you’re peeling a mango.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

One of my favorite parts of grocery shopping is when somebody else does it for me.

Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

Jan 21, 2025

Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
😄🚽 How about switching up the terminology to make your bathroom visits sound way more impressive? Who needs a John when you can casually mention you're off to the "Jim" for a daily workout session? Keep yourself healthy both physically and linguistically! 💪😉

bathroom, every, going, humor, i, Jim, John, morning, pun, say, start, wordplay

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2405 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,567

Funny Quotes Topics

15,241

Funny Quotes Images

12,567

49 minutes ago

3,441

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

To bed then. To bed with you! Guards, take him to my bed!

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

“I asked Grok. I asked ChatGPT.” Yeah, well, I asked my mom. She said no.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

I want the job where I push scared skydivers out of planes.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Our dog snores so loud, we had to rename him Grandpa.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Please hesitate to get in touch with me.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Growing up, I always knew I was gonna be the distant family member.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

I’m at the age where an uncomfortable bed will have me injured for a couple of days.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

When I put on weight, it’s around my stomach. When I lose weight, it’s around my legs. I’m not a structural engineer, but that can’t be good.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

I’m so old, I still keep special moments in my heart and not in my Insta story.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

My comments on your home decor are not criticisms, they are deep concerns.

Spotted on Telegram:

Why there is always a kid crying when I go to the store? Dude, you aren’t the one paying for it. Stop!

Freshly posted on TikTok:

What idiot called it Catfishing your Tinder Contacts and not Playing With Matches?

Going viral on Telegram:

Dating is just wondering why someone is single and then slowly figuring it out.

Making waves on Snapchat:

No better feeling than getting home and realizing you forgot the one thing you went out for.

Making waves on Threads:

“I’m still young”, I tell myself, as my knees make popping noises while standing up.

Live now on Threads:

I have a photographic memory, but I’ve run out of film.

Shared recently on Messenger:

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

Just shared via X:

I can’t afford a vehicle with wing doors, so I buy the Tupperware with lids which open that way.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I become someone I don’t recognize when I play Monopoly.

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