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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Is it still murder if they said, “Some other time,” but I thought they said smother time?

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly. Fly far, far away and also so I can poop on people.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

I think that police officers on foot should wear blue flashing sneakers.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Science has enough bodies, I’m donating mine to English lit just to spice things up a bit.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Have you ever been so stressed that you’re calm?

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Americans can choose from over 1,000 breakfast cereals but only two presidential candidates?

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

I don’t think either person should pay for the first date. It should be on the house.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

I don’t argue anymore. I just agree and let the plot unfold.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Be nice to me, I may be hot one day.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Every girl is defined by their one lost love. And by that I mean the one fast food item that was discontinued without warning, subsequently ruining their life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,421

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

After all these years, Jude Law has finally noticed me and responded to my love letters. Something about staying 500 feet away. I’m getting it framed.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Imagine having a negative opinion of me, and I have no idea who you are.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Welcome to your 50s. If you don’t have a mysterious ailment, one will be assigned to you shortly.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

Trending via Facebook:

Do I work hard? No. But do I work smart to compensate. Absolutely not.

Just shared via WeChat:

My husband said I use a lot of makeup, so I showed him some makeup tutorials on TikTok and I don’t think he’ll be making that mistake again.

Shared recently on Slack:

Signed an Executive Order that you have to give me a little forehead kiss.

Making waves on Pinterest:

You should be able to google what someone said to you at the bar last night.

Just shared via Threads:

Rain cancels plans, upsetting some and delighting others.

Live now on YouTube:

My self-care routine is mostly just going to Mexican restaurants.

Inventing the Grinch: “Santa needs a Wario!”

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Inventing the Grinch: “Santa needs a Wario!”
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Commentary:
Looks like Santa might need a bit of a challenge this Christmas! 🎅🦹‍♂️ Watch out for Wario trying to steal the spotlight from the Grinch! 🌟😈 This holiday season, it's all about who can cause the most chaos and mischief! 🎄🃏

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Facebook this month:

Clothes too dirty for the closet, but too clean for laundry. Welcome to: the chair.

25 shares on X this month:

A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t drink coffee all the time. I take breaks in between to make another one.

52 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Going to have a hobbit boi summer (throw a huge birthday party for myself, then mysteriously vanish right after insulting everyone).

56 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job.

93 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I need a reasonable job. Something like $3,000 an hour. Nothing too wild.

55 shares on Slack this month:

When the Olympics finally introduces the event “Dropping your phone and very nearly catching it but not quite” then you’ll all see me shine.

19 shares on Slack this month:

I start each day assuming it will be horrible and go from there.

20 shares on Telegram this month:

Salary week, but salary weak.

84 shares on Instagram this month:

The lion doesn’t concern itself with the contents of your prior email.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The fact that I have a lot of wine in the house proves that I don’t drink much. Otherwise the wine would be gone.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

There are two quantities of popcorn: not enough and what have I done

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Just did several sets of some bullshit at the gym… no idea which muscles have been targeted.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Married life: Telling your partner the same sentence 7 days in a row, only for him to say, “You definitely never told me that!”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve saved every episode of Hoarders.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Agriculture can’t possibly be a dying industry. Bot farms are booming.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Rage bait often works on me because I was already angry before I read that.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Y’all are single because y’all are looking for 90’s love in this sick generation.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I always have a bad connection in my head when someone tries to explain a card or board game to me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,684

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Headache pro-tip: Bang your toe into something.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

My curse was lifted. Do you want to hang out?

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

They should invent a January that doesn’t drain your will to live.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

I’m that person who will restart a song because I got distracted and wasn’t appreciating it enough.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

The biggest problem with finding another job is I don’t want one.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

I was gonna get on the treadmill, but then the couch will get sad.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Taking action is my least favorite thing to take.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Hey, sorry I acted weird the other day. I was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

They should build a separate grocery store for people who have actually purchased food before, know how to push a cart, and possess at least an ounce of spatial awareness.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

How many calories do you burn waiting to hear back?

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Discord:

One of the weirdest things about being an adult is having a favorite stove top burner. No one ever talks about it, but y’all know it’s true.

Live now on Telegram:

We need a true crime show called Downtown Stabby.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Don’t give up on your dreams. Go back to bed.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Just saw two identical twins out in public together. No disrespect to that lifestyle but please keep it private.

Trending via YouTube:

Cats spend two-thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.

Breaking via Twitch:

The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

“She’s so self-centered”—who’s supposed to be the center of my life? You?

Just landed via YouTube:

The older I get, the more I understand why Grumpy Old Men exist.

Making waves on TikTok:

I knew the date was going well when we shared a glass of gravy with two straws.

Spotted on X:

Some people are so judgmental, I can tell by just looking at them.

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