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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Instead of screaming into the void, I’m going to ask it for recipes.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

It’s awkward touching hands with another man inside a popcorn bag, especially if you don’t know the man and he doesn’t know you’re eating his popcorn.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Before sleeping, most people will imagine stuff they want to happen. Like sleeping.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

I poked your tweet with a stick, hoping it would do something.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Pregnancy is crazy. You really come home with someone you don’t know, with no teeth.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Be the elephant you wish to see in the room.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Having a job is insane because they give you actual money in exchange for pressing the buttons.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

If I go missing and you put my weight on that poster, I swear I’m not coming back.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

I broke up with the gym. We were just not working out.

Trending via Reddit:

Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers ‘my pharmily’.

Going bananas on Reddit:

My goal weight is getting a magician to saw me in half.

Freshly posted on Slack:

My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Attention to detail is so sexy, study me, baby.

Trending via Slack:

Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Trending via Messenger:

A new year resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Defeating imposter syndrome by actually being incompetent.

Just shared via X:

I don’t understand, “kill them with kindness”; can I use a lightsaber instead?

Breaking via Slack:

No wine. No peace. Know wine. Know peace.

It seems really unfair that my future depends on me.

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about self-reliance and future uncertainty with a humorous twist.

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Commentary:
Adulting: where the only prerequisite is realizing you're your own plot twist 😅🤔🔮

depends, fairness, future, growth, humor, irony, me, personal, personal growth, responsibility, seems, self, unfair

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30 shares on Threads this month:

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

93 shares on Snapchat this month:

Please don’t ask me what my hobbies are, I lost interest in life back in 6th grade.

64 shares on Reddit this month:

The most important meal of the day is the next one.

59 shares on Discord this month:

People don’t catch bullets with their teeth anymore, get out there and practice.

25 shares on Facebook this month:

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying works.

91 shares on Slack this month:

Hey (with the intention of getting ice cream).

29 shares on Pinterest this month:

Nobody views your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

85 shares on TikTok this month:

So single the neighborhood cats make ME dinner.

100 shares on WeChat this month:

To the tune of ‘Everybody Dance Now’: Himalayan Sea Salt

79 shares on Facebook this month:

Going to ragebait men by asking, “Do you ever wish you were tall?”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

You can have kids or you can always know where your scissors are. You can’t have both.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

God forbid a girl uses shopping as her coping mechanism.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

A song that hits so hard it makes you want a cigarette.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this family party started.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Woke up feeling not too shabby for a 60-year-old. The only problem is I’m still in my 40s.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Going to the bathroom at night with my flashlight on and a dog next to me feels like I’m gonna solve a mystery.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

By my second “could we change the subject?” I could feel the job interview going south.

Trending via Snapchat:

You look like the kind of person who would hit rock bottom and then start drilling.

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Activity Log ✨

It seems really unfair that my future depends on me.

Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

Nice to finally get back that hour they stole earlier this year.

Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.

Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.

If I was an elephant, you’d all be sorry.

I don’t need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry!

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It seems really unfair that my future depends on me.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

Nice to finally get back that hour they stole earlier this year.

Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.

Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.

If I was an elephant, you’d all be sorry.

I don’t need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry!

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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