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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

All this suffering on earth because someone ate an apple once.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while to get excited about going home.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

The funniest thing about Batman is that he legitimately doesn’t give a shit about crime that happens during the day.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

That awkward moment when you’re about to leave work and your boss says “before you go”.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Money enters like Beyoncé and exits like Britney.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy.”

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

This year for Thanksgiving, I’ll probably bring what I brought last year… shame upon the family.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

I don’t post for money or fame, I post because there’s something seriously wrong with me.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Don’t study, get slutty!

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

I feel sorry for Netflix era kids. They will never know the high stakes adrenaline of running away in an ad break, with the beckoning call of a sibling screaming “It’s ON!” to send you hurdling over furniture to get back in time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

355 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,624

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,624

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,369

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

Crossing things off my to-do list… I didn’t do them, I just don’t want them on my list anymore.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

A mustache is just mouth bangs.

Freshly posted on Threads:

And to my grandchildren, I leave my unread PDFs.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I knew I had issues when motivational speakers started to irritate me.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

If I like cleaning? Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

My soul leaving my body when the lecturer says “let’s hear from someone who hasn’t spoken yet”

Freshly posted on X:

There are TV shows that only exist on the screens of girls’ houses you go to one time and never again.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

In the morning: Tired! At lunchtime: Tired! In the evening: Tired! In bed: “Everybody dance now!”

Freshly posted on Slack:

Horoscope: You will give blood generously this week, but it won’t be your idea.

Making waves on Threads:

I’m 6 donuts away from being the elephant in the room.

It was all revealed to me in a delusion.

3 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like my morning routine! 😂☕✨

delusion, humor, imagination, insight, me, mind, revelation

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My life is ruined. I wish to live no more. Never mind, I found the remote.

2 months ago

couch, distraction, found, humor, i, irony, life, live, mind, never, remote, ruined, TV, wish
The term “bisexual” is so confusing. Are you sexual twice a week or once every other week?

5 months ago

bisexual, confusing, confusion, every, frequency, humor, once, relationship, sexual, term, twice, week
Hearing my voice in recording makes me wanna apologize to every person I talked to.

2 months ago

apologize, embarrassment, every, hearing, humor, i, me, person, recording, self-reflection, voice
I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

2 months ago

encounter, everyone, hair, house, humor, i, know, left, makeup, relatable, run, sure, wet
A gambler is only called an addict when he loses.

2 weeks ago

addict, addiction, betting, called, gambler, gambling, humor, irony, lose, only, risk
Why can’t my fat leave me like everything else does?

2 months ago

everything, fat, humor, joke, leave, me, weight

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on Slack this month:

You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

57 shares on YouTube this month:

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

76 shares on Slack this month:

Make sure you bury me near a bathroom because death is long, and I’m sure I’ll still have to get up and pee.

66 shares on Facebook this month:

Having to pee really puts things into perspective. Like, OK, none of this matters.

87 shares on Slack this month:

My life is ruined. I wish to live no more. Never mind, I found the remote.

71 shares on Telegram this month:

Just caught a moth and sent it back outside. Feeling like Mr. Miyagi.

25 shares on Telegram this month:

Had an interview today, and my belly rumbled. The lady goes, “Missed lunch?” I told her, “Nah, I’m hungry for success!”

68 shares on Discord this month:

I will be posting telepathically on all social media today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.

62 shares on Facebook this month:

Off to my crying appointment (therapy).

54 shares on Messenger this month:

My tombstone will read “Hey there, I’m using WhatsApp!”.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Telling the cop I’ll give him his nose back if he lowers his firearm.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Slowly I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

There should be an Olympics where athletes can take as many drugs as they want. Like, to hell with y’all, let’s see how high humans can really jump.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

An orgasm before bed is nature’s strongest sleep aid.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

You can tell it’s desperate times the way spam messages have gone from fantasies like ‘I am a prince and I want to give you money’ to ‘I am an HR manager and I have a real job for you!’

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

I’m not procrastinating. I’m protecting my peace through active avoidance.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

“I’ve been fantasizing about going back to bed since I woke up this morning.”

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

I don’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a broke, stressed-out, over-thinker with no clothes that fit.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Telegram:

If the line at the grocery store takes longer than 10 minutes, the candy beside the checkout should be free.

Just shared via Snapchat:

“God has a plan for you.” OK, is God open to a little feedback?

Just shared via WhatsApp:

When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little riddles you get to solve later.

Shared recently on X:

One thing no one mentions about being an adult is how much time you debate with yourself over keeping a cardboard box because it’s a really good box.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I’ve saved every episode of Hoarders.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

Going viral on Facebook:

I would like you to meet my significant other. Her name is Cheese.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Spent most of the day making sure my couch still works. So far so good.

Trending via Instagram:

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

Going viral on Telegram:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at intimacy.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It was all revealed to me in a delusion.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

My life is ruined. I wish to live no more. Never mind, I found the remote.

The term “bisexual” is so confusing. Are you sexual twice a week or once every other week?

Hearing my voice in recording makes me wanna apologize to every person I talked to.

I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

A gambler is only called an addict when he loses.

Why can’t my fat leave me like everything else does?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨