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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฆ has copied:

I hate checking my bank account after having a good time.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ป has copied:

If a man says “I don’t deserve you,” believe him. Because he is about to show you why.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has copied:

Thereโ€™s nothing like sitting by an open fire and watching the evidence burn.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ช has copied:

I tried to act normal once, worst five minutes of my life.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ญ has shared:

Diarrhea awareness week starts today. Runs through Sunday.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡พ has copied:

Valentineโ€™s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ท has downloaded:

Parenting sometimes feels like youโ€™re an elevator. Lots of ups and downs and the kids love to push your buttons.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has downloaded:

So stupid how New York is actually as cool as everyone says.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has bookmarked:

Hair is washed. I am finally lovable and capable of loving again.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has viewed:

My favorite hobby is withering away.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,402

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Going bananas on Telegram:

It’s funny how it’s often easier to access academic resources illegally, even when you have university library access.

Going bananas on Discord:

I just feel like we shouldnโ€™t have a new year until we get this one right.

Spotted on Telegram:

I don’t have gray hair, I have wisdom highlights.

Breaking via Twitch:

Everyone is always talking about raising money for dogs without homes, but what about the ones who donโ€™t have cars?

Making waves on Instagram:

I may be a beginner at some things, but I have a black belt in shopping.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Let’s be honest. The best moment of the day is when we take off our bra.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Police officer: please step out of your vehicle. Me: after this song, hold on.

Seen just now on Threads:

A man’s home is his castle, but his garage is his sanctuary.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Had a fight with an erection this morning. Beat it single-handed.

Just landed via Threads:

Idea: An app that tells you where that bruise came from.

It was all revealed to me in a delusion.

Witty quote about sudden realizations through illusions, playful and humorous in tone.
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Social Media Stars โญ

91 shares on Threads this month:

Looking for someone whose favorite thing to do is nothing. No hiking. No adventure. Just bed rot.

50 shares on Pinterest this month:

If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Lou Read is the name of my favorite musician and also the book I keep in the toilet.

43 shares on Slack this month:

Somebody should tell James Cameron the world doesn’t need any more frigging Avatar movies.

77 shares on X this month:

If I had known I looked this sexy in glasses, I wouldโ€™ve stopped being able to see a long time ago.

11 shares on Instagram this month:

I love icebreakers. They really give me time to anxiously reflect on what the most fun fact about me is, while I don’t listen to anyone else at all.

15 shares on YouTube this month:

Not many things sadder than an untickled fancy.

22 shares on Twitch this month:

I apologize to my future son for the delay, but it’s just your mom ain’t replying.

47 shares on Twitch this month:

Iโ€™m sorry I didnโ€™t text you back. Iโ€™m really busy watching the The Lord of The Rings in the form of mini clips on TikTok.

29 shares on Snapchat this month:

I like my men like I like my coffee, secretly alcoholic.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

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Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

11 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

My friend and I had a running joke. She said, “Let’s do a marathon,” and then we both laughed.

15 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Parents be like โ€œdonโ€™t believe everything you see on the internetโ€ then believe everything they see on Facebook.

5 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

To quote Hamlet Act III, Scene III, Line 92 “No.”

10 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If someone texts โ€œDo you have a minute,โ€ itโ€™s a trick. Donโ€™t fall for it.

23 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

7 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Telling the guy next to me on the subway that Iโ€™m not even ticklish, so donโ€™t bother trying.

25 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

You know IT have given up when the error message reads, โ€˜Something went wrongโ€™.

14 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Vacation is a time when every part of you can relax except your bowels.

25 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Have you ever met someone and thought that you couldnโ€™t wait to spend the rest of your life without them?

24 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Rather than work on my issues, I’m counting on my personality getting changed by a falling coconut.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,402

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has shared:

I get at least 1,000 steps in waiting for my food to be done in the microwave.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has shared:

The sexual tension when everyone arrives at a 4-way stop at the same time.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฑ has copied:

Toddlers negotiate like tiny mob bosses: itโ€™s the hard way or the harder way.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฏ๐Ÿ‡ด has copied:

Pro Tip: Never make snow angels in a dog park.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡น has copied:

The only thing that drains faster than my phone battery is my bank account.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡บ has shared:

One thing I miss about the pandemic is getting to rip my mask off like I just botched a surgery.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has bookmarked:

I can now tell the hour of the day by which part of my body needs a heating pad.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has copied:

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there’s a small hole in the bag somewhere.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ช has downloaded:

I get it, sauce, I also thicken over time.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡พ has bookmarked:

My boyfriend moved in with me straight from Hotel Mama. In a way, I’m now a single parent.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Just landed via Discord:

Iโ€™m not a fan of camping, if I wanted to sleep outside I wouldnโ€™t pay my mortgage.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

When people block me, I just assume itโ€™s for my rugged good looks and killer jawline.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Why did they have to bleep out everything R2D2 said?

Just landed via Facebook:

One thing that sucks about being grown-up is not being able to say, “My mom said no,” when you don’t want someone to come over.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I still canโ€™t believe Aldi sells shopping carts for 25 cents. Iโ€™ve got 8 of them now and donโ€™t really even have a use for them, it was just too good of a deal to pass up.

Broadcasted on Threads:

My mother always told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.” Needless to say, I’m not much of a conversationalist.

Spotted on Telegram:

Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.

Just landed via Messenger:

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Shared recently on WeChat:

How are there low birth rates when everyone here is a big baby?

Making waves on WeChat:

Please donโ€™t delete your post. Yes, it was pretty stupid, but my reply to it was a masterpiece.

ยฉ 2026. All rights reserved.

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