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Less is more, unless it’s kindness, sleep, or toilet paper.

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It’s Monday, but at what cost?

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Not to brag, but I was unhinged way before it was cool.

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Netflix needs to stop asking if Iโ€™m still watching and start asking if I moved the laundry to the dryer yet.

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Posing for photos has to be the most basic thing I’m actually terrible at.

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Sometimes I need a break from myself but itโ€™s like, ugh, everywhere I go there I am.

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My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend.

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Running from your problems is cardio.

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Hungry me has no respect for bathroom scale me.

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Women will invite you to shower with them, then cook you alive with a temperature of water you didnโ€™t know existed.

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It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man.

It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man.

Commentary:
"Who needs a marathon when you can sprint in flip flops after that elusive ice cream truck? ๐Ÿฆ๐Ÿƒโ€โ™‚๏ธ The Summer Olympics just got a new event inspiration! #CatchMeIfYouCan"



Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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People watching you so close, you’d think you were a Netflix series.

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I hate it when I’m singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.

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Sometimes I do something completely out of character, like say no to a slice of pizza, or trust someone.

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These days, you gotta have a job for the bills and another job for yourself.

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I cannot imagine being in high school right now. Imagine the world is eating itself alive and you’re in school.

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I just tried on my summer wardrobe. The only thing I managed to get into was a state of panic.

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I like that they put all that stuff outside for you to look at when youโ€™re on a walk.

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Iโ€™m at the age where drinking a cup of coffee now makes me feel like Popeye scarfing down a can of spinach.

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Peter Parker having to juggle a day job with being a superhero feels kinda stupid nowadays. Just launch a Patreon, my man. Throw a PayPal link in that Spider-bio.

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Can we take a moment to celebrate the little ride we get in the pneumatic chair at the hair salon or barber when they pump it up or down?