Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Experts say you can make any statement sound more credible by adding ‘experts say’ at the beginning.
  • I wasn’t planning on moving, but I was just invited to the neighborhood fall potluck, so I guess now I have no choice.
  • HR has told me to stop saying ‘How stupid can you be?’ to members of staff. They’re worried it’s being taken as a challenge.
  • I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.
  • I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
  • Old and bitter feels much better than I thought it would.