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Commentary:
"Who needs a marathon when you can sprint in flip flops after that elusive ice cream truck? 🍦🏃‍♂️ The Summer Olympics just got a new event inspiration! #CatchMeIfYouCan"

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65 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Home Depot should allow men over 40 to have birthday parties in their stores.

73 shares on Instagram this month:

I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life…. hibernation.

24 shares on Facebook this month:

Fact: Snow in November happens because people decorate for Christmas prematurely. You know who you are. Stop it.

62 shares on Snapchat this month:

Quitting my job to focus on decorating the tree.

29 shares on Telegram this month:

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

77 shares on Facebook this month:

I finally figured out my lifelong dream of becoming a human blanket, but my friends still call it napping on their couch.

31 shares on YouTube this month:

This Monday has Monday written all over it.

34 shares on X this month:

Liquor on the top shelf is so expensive because the bartender has to stand on their tippy toes to reach it.

86 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Whoever created / mandated the auto start-stop feature on cars should be dragged into the town square to be tarred and feathered!

89 shares on Telegram this month:

Trying is the first step toward failure.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

I miss the days when you could simply end a phone call by slamming the receiver down angrily.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

“I’ll run it by the boss” is one of the peak boomerisms you can say as a married man. It feels electric.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

An escape room, but it’s just your thoughts. Good luck.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

If a door closes, you can just open it again. That is a door. Doors work like this.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

I don’t like this new trend of old people wearing shirts of bands I listened to when I was a kid.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, no, I shut it off and back on again. Why are you still here?

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

Due to unfortunate circumstances, things are no longer fergalicious nor bootylicious.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I’m glad the makers removed all the unnecessary sex scenes from my life, so I can focus on character development.

Going bananas on Twitch:

They’re calling me the unemployee of the month.

Seen just now on Reddit:

It’s important to fuel your body with essential nutrients, which can be found in cookies, chips, and candy.

Live now on Snapchat:

I deliberately don’t go to bed early. I don’t want to look like I could be useful for anything the next day.

Just landed via WeChat:

I’ve mastered farting, and it be loud and quick, but the key is don’t make a face or look around, so people can’t pinpoint it to you. Just act natural.

Live now on Threads:

Whoever said having a crush is when you feel the most like Carrie Bradshaw was so real for that.

Spotted on Slack:

I’m getting close to that age where people applaud the things I’m “still able to do”.

Seen just now on Twitch:

At this point, I’m rooting for the aliens.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Everyone tells me “take care”, but no one tells me why.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man.

I used to look for monsters under the bed. Today I know they are behind some people’s fake smiles.

As a child, my family’s mealtime menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

What bootlickers fail to understand is that the boot eventually comes for them too.

My doctor told me I should try anger management classes, and I’m still really pissed at him about it.

My cat and I talked it over and no we don’t think that I’m crazy.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I used to look for monsters under the bed. Today I know they are behind some people’s fake smiles.

As a child, my family’s mealtime menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

What bootlickers fail to understand is that the boot eventually comes for them too.

My doctor told me I should try anger management classes, and I’m still really pissed at him about it.

My cat and I talked it over and no we don’t think that I’m crazy.

I suppose someone has to do all the consuming and obeying.

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