It’s crazy that you don’t really argue with a baby for the first year of its life and then you have to argue with the baby every day.

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At the dispensary asking which strain will stop the yearning.

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Maybe women decided to convince men that beards were sexy because they were sick of cleaning the washbasin after he shaved.

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If I were Juliet, I would NOT be pleased to find a man standing under my balcony at midnight. Sir, I am in my jim-jams.

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Work from home ain’t for everyone. I, for one, hate when my coworkers try to message when I’m shopping.

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Everybody has a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and I’m over here like “I love food”.

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I’ve just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax.

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We like to vilify hot people, but it’s important to know that people who aren’t hot are also terrible.

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The only men you can trust is ramen.

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A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.

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Welcome to your 40s: your chin looks lonely, here’s another one.