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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m that person who will restart a song because I got distracted and wasn’t appreciating it enough.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Gonna finish eating all these Christmas cookies so I’m no longer tempted to eat them.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Due to personal reasons, I must make it in life.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Men be like, yes, I hurt you, but now you hate me, so I am the true victim.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Be the one that gets asked to remove the hockey mask, during a conference call, on Friday the 13th.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

I was actually about to do a workout when the couch threw itself protectively under me.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

A micromanager is someone you pay to watch your top talent walk away.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

I try to find the good in every situation. Wait, no – that was a typo. Food. I try to find the food in every situation.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

You get to a certain age and realize stretching is non-negotiable.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,712

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

The difference between a biography and an autobiography is self-explanatory.

Spotted on X:

When you ask for your phone charger back and your teenager has the audacity to ask “what percentage are you on?”

Spotted on YouTube:

Proudly doing my part to cause the male loneliness epidemic.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

Spotted on Reddit:

I am cool with January lasting forever because rent is due February 1.

Trending via Slack:

Can’t. Too busy saving daylight.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at my knees and back.

Trending via X:

“I’m so good at doing nothing. I wish I could get paid for it.”

Making waves on Snapchat:

Proverbs are so mean. Like, I don’t deserve any worm because I woke up at 11am? Like, no worm at all?

Going viral on Discord:

Need a dimly lit cocktail date with a gaze so lustful it causes God to draft up another sin.

It’s Friday. Rules don’t apply.

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It’s Friday. Rules don’t apply.
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Commentary:
"Friday: When calories and responsibilities magically disappear! 🍩🎉 #HelloWeekend"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Telegram this month:

To accommodate the size of my wife’s new water bottle, we’ve replaced the passenger seat of her car with a cupholder.

65 shares on WeChat this month:

Men be like “I hate drama,” and then have love triangles, secret babies, a wife, side chick, ex that’s still around, breadcrumbs, and unhealed trauma.

89 shares on X this month:

I don’t assume anything except the fetal position.

90 shares on Instagram this month:

Like most people my age, I’m 50.

87 shares on Instagram this month:

Everyone’s a gangster until they see a rainbow.

64 shares on Twitch this month:

I never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.

86 shares on Threads this month:

The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.

18 shares on Slack this month:

Don’t forget to make everything about you today.

54 shares on Twitch this month:

Why does everyone force introverts to leave their comfort zone, but no one forces extroverts to shut up for a while?

12 shares on Twitch this month:

I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and all I find is ingredients.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m a strong, independent woman, but like, against my will.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine hating me while I’m just over here being lazy and minding my own business.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s truly insane when bosses assume their employees are working for any reason other than a paycheck.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Had an interview today, and my belly rumbled. The lady goes, “Missed lunch?” I told her, “Nah, I’m hungry for success!”

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Me summer vacation planning: I’m going to Europe. Bank account: You’re going camping.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The most dangerous drinking game I play, is seeing how long I can go without coffee.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The modern condition is mostly trying to do things on your own that people have historically achieved with a large support network, and wondering why you’re tired all the time.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,468

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

My security system is just a bunch of my unpaid bills taped to my front door.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I will be notified immediately.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

My father didn’t want kids, so he had two kids, which was the equivalent of zero kids at the time.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Have you ever met someone and thought that you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your life without them?

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Maybe the real American dream is the debt we collected along the way.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

I hope the world needs to be saved from the apocalypse with video game skills so my teen’s entire life won’t have been a complete waste.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Are we all getting a front-row seat to the end times, or what?

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

I think the bowl of ice cream I ate earlier gave me a stomach ache, so I ate a another bowl to make sure.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

If I had known I looked this sexy in glasses, I would’ve stopped being able to see a long time ago.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Grape soda doesn’t taste at all like grapes, but it does taste like purple, and I don’t know how to explain that.

Seen just now on Threads:

I don’t argue with my kids anymore. I just vacuum every surface of the living room while they’re trying to watch TV.

Trending via Threads:

November is for turtlenecks and depression.

Making waves on X:

If we start dating now, we could be arguing on a road trip by August.

Making waves on Telegram:

At the end of my appointment, the doctor took her own blood pressure.

Just landed via Discord:

Grateful for independence mostly because British food is gross.

Trending via Facebook:

I’ve been heading in the wrong direction for most of my life, but since the earth is round, I’m just going to stick with it and see it through.

Making waves on Messenger:

I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

Trending via YouTube:

There are always new uncomplimentary angles to view yourself from. Keep contorting!

Seen just now on Instagram:

I hope this 17th text in a row with no response finds you well.

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