It’s Monday again and I’m about to make it everyone’s problem.

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It’s amazing how much I accomplish around the house right before someone is coming over.

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How can you not appreciate a drunk text? Someone is absolutely off their face and still thinking of you.

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Oh, how much I love a Sunday when you don’t have to work the next day.

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You can tell it’s laundry day because I’m wearing flippers and a Viking helmet.

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Lady just asked me what “mansplaining” is. I think it’s a trap. We’ve been staring at each other in silence for half an hour.

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Imagine earning a science degree then having to be a meteorologist who announces the prophecy of a groundhog.

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Spewing nonsense online is the most fun a depressed person is allowed to have in these twisted times.