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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

I get it, laundry, no one is doing me either.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

I like how people say “manage your depression,” like it’s a stock portfolio, but you’re heavily invested in sadness.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Life on other planets be like: “I hope those lunatics don’t discover us!”

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Why is it spelled “camouflage” and not “ “?

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

A man outside Boots told me that Jesus died for my sins. Thanks for spoiling the end of the Bible. I was only up to the bit with the fish.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

I’d like to thank the municipal snow plow for recreating the wall from Game of Thrones at the end of my driveway.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

I’m living in a parallel universe where I suck at parking.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Hey, people, my age. Remember going into the computer lab at school?

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello.” My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Jan 2, 2026

3,675

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Snapchat:

Don’t go keto, go pirate. Rum, fish and beef jerky diet.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Americans saw water freeze at 0°C and said, “Let’s make that 32.”

Broadcasted on Reddit:

The second date is you watching me parallel park and trying not to have a stroke.

Making waves on Twitch:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just sitting on the couch googling if penguins have knees.

Trending via Snapchat:

An adventure and a dragon would cure me.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Why would I go to my high school reunion? I didn’t want to be there the first time.

Live now on Slack:

Uninstalling Instagram can increase your IQ by 10%.

Just shared via Pinterest:

A bad relationship can ruin a good song.

Just shared via Threads:

Not gonna lie, to this day, I don’t know the difference between gray and grey, I just wing it.

Seen just now on WeChat:

You look like you can go as yourself for Halloween.

It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

2 months ago

0

It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Absolutely! 🏴‍☠️ That's the spirit! Who needs boring old 401(k) plans when you can have a treasure map and a trusty shovel instead, right? 💰 Just make sure you have a backup plan in case you encounter more "X marks the spot" than actual booty! 😉 #RetirementGoals

adventure, buried, buried treasure, expectation, financial, financial security, finding, humor, hunting, me, normal, plan, point, retirement, right, security, treasure, treasure hunting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sexting is hilarious, when you think about it. Like, this email truly should’ve been a meeting.

0

2 months ago

communication, email, hilarious, humor, meeting, sexting, think, truly
Be the reason your therapist reevaluates their entire career.

0

2 months ago

career, health, humor, mental, mental health, reason, reevaluation, self-awareness, therapist, therapy
Maybe one day a street will be named after me. Or a school. Or a mental hospital.

0

2 months ago

after, aspiration, day, fame, health, hospital, humor, irony, maybe, me, mental, mental health, recognition, school, self-deprecation, street
Vegans will look you dead in the eye and tell you cauliflower tastes like ribs.

0

2 months ago

cauliflower, dead, eye, food, humor, irony, joke, plant-based, ribs, taste, tell, vegan
I love when my brain cells kiss and I have an idea.

0

2 months ago

brain, brain cell, cell, cells, creativity, humor, i, idea, kiss, love, thought
I’d be a terrible masseuse. After 5 minutes, I’d be like, “Okay, my turn.”

0

2 months ago

after, humor, ID, joke, massage, masseuse, minutes, okay, relaxation, selfish, terrible, turn

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Facebook this month:

You call it nagging, I call it ‘listen to what I said the first time!’

27 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I had to treat myself to a sweet goody today to distract my mind from the horrors of life.

60 shares on Slack this month:

Nature is fascinating. A dandelion makes it through concrete, while I get my head stuck in my sweater in the morning.

35 shares on Snapchat this month:

My sex life is so dead, it has its own tombstone.

82 shares on Pinterest this month:

The gothic urge to live in a sleepy seaside town with a terrifying backstory.

74 shares on Pinterest this month:

Tequila won’t fix your life, but it’s worth a shot.

49 shares on Instagram this month:

They should have made a pool raft that looked like a broken door when Titanic was in theaters. I bet it would have sold millions.

100 shares on WeChat this month:

People text “Happy New Year” and go missing for the rest of the year!

99 shares on WeChat this month:

Website: We use cookies to improve our performance. Me: Same!

71 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you get cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and still participate in family game nights.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

You can generate images with your mind whenever you want. You don’t even need AI.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I suck at flirting. I’ll be like “is that so?”

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I noticed you haven’t posted in a few weeks, and just wanted to thank you.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I was going to buy my wife a car for Christmas but then I remembered I don’t live in a commercial.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Mirror, mirror on the wall, why so many fingerprints?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so toxic, I can fight for a relationship I don’t even want.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I am calling on public libraries to ban the books that I borrowed and lost. We don’t need that kind of crap in the libraries.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not calling anyone daddy unless I’m asking for money for the mall.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,550

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Can’t wait to put up holiday lights so life can be equally crappy but festively so.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

The grass is only greener on the other side because of all the bullshit on it.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

The first bowl of cereal makes you want a second, but the second makes you wish you stopped at the first.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

I’m at the age where any time my mom asks if I remember so-and-so from high school, the news is never good.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Please go out, have fun, have friends, make connections. That mysterious lifestyle won’t save you.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Eight times a day, I ask myself which object in the office will hurt me enough so that I can go home, but at the same time won’t hurt too much.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode them bikes when we were younger.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Me in hell: “So did it hurt when you fell from heaven.” Lucifer: “Get out!”

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

That awkward moment when you’re about to leave work and your boss says “before you go”.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

I have more photos of food on my phone than I do of my children.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Don’t rush me, I’m still deciding whether I’ll be productive or not today!

Trending via WhatsApp:

Sitting on the middle seat of this flight and both my seatmates are reading my book over my shoulder. Should I just start reading it aloud?

Breaking via Slack:

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely fulfilled the prophecy.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Women are so hot, I wish they were good people.

Just landed via Slack:

Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Tested positive for needing a kiss.

Breaking via Pinterest:

You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

Trending via Facebook:

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

Spotted on Facebook:

Gonna spend today following my cats into the kitchen and meowing at them until they give me treats.

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