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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Facebook is extremely over-engineered for a birthday reminder app.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Sometimes, u just gotta clean your room and apply an elaborate skincare routine, and pretend that’s equivalent to getting ur life in order.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Nobody ever talks about how Sodom and Gomorrah were walkable cities.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

I hate liars, but what I hate more is when they think I’m an idiot and won’t find out the truth.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

I’ve been dieting for a little over a week and I already gained three pounds.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Never underestimate the healing power of a grilled cheese sandwich.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Either the tables are going to turn, or I’m going to flip them.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

A service where you bring a working printer to my house, I print the one thing I need, and you leave again until next year.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I’m like… I went shopping.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,228

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on YouTube:

I taped a picture of my paycheck on my front door to keep all the solicitors away.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

When someone asks me if my twins are natural, I tell them no they’re robots.

Breaking via Instagram:

Sometimes I’m just so exhausted I have to go to bed and scroll my phone for the next 2-3 hours.

Just shared via Threads:

It’s Friday. Rules don’t apply.

Going viral on TikTok:

Hey bro, please stop using all the good skipping rocks at the river.

Just shared via Instagram:

What we need is more companies making hot sauce. I need 900 more ways to taste a thing that tastes exactly like all the other ones.

Going viral on Discord:

Offering people sitting on the bus my standing room. Like it’s better.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ‘k’ instead of ‘ok’?

Spotted on Instagram:

In other news, congrats to my therapist for securing a 4 year contract with me.

Going viral on Facebook:

Good morning to everyone except the baristas who don’t tighten the lid.

I’ve been blocked by better.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oh, getting blocked is just another day in the Twitterverse 🤷‍♂️ No worries, I've been blocked by better! 💁‍♀️😂 #BlockGameStrong"

better, block, blocked, humor, sarcasm, self-deprecation, witty

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Is ‘ugh’ an emotion? Because I fell it all the time.

0

2 months ago

emotion, everyday, everyday life, feeling, frustration, humor, i, life, relatable, time, ugh
I like when the rain is misty and you get to feel like a grocery store broccoli for a little while.

0

2 months ago

broccoli, comparison, feel, feeling, grocery, grocery store, humor, i, little, misty, nature, rain, store, unusual, unusual comparison
My doctor told me “good luck” and gave me finger guns, so obviously I’m dying.

0

2 months ago

doctor, dying, finger, finger guns, good, good luck, guns, health, humor, joke, luck, me, sarcasm, told
You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”

0

2 months ago

aging, aging humor, aging joke, bathroom, forgetfulness, getting, here, humor, i, joke, know, old, past, thinking, walk, well, while
My son just turned an everything bagel into an everywhere bagel.

0

2 months ago

bagel, creativity, everything, everywhere, food, humor, joke, just, mess, parenting, son
Dear 8 hours of sleep, I miss you so much.

0

2 months ago

exhaustion, humor, i, longing, miss, relationship, rest, sleep, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

14 shares on TikTok this month:

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

29 shares on Snapchat this month:

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

23 shares on TikTok this month:

Please respond to my telepathic messages.

52 shares on Telegram this month:

The algorithm knows about that thing you like that you’re denying yourself of.

44 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s really sad that April Fools is the only day people are appropriately skeptical of stuff they read on the internet.

65 shares on TikTok this month:

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.

24 shares on YouTube this month:

Nobody says “boom shakalaka” like they used to.

43 shares on Threads this month:

“Baby on board” Okay, well, can you tell him to drive faster?

23 shares on WeChat this month:

I like the concept of restaurant appetizers: “Bring me something to eat. And bring me something else to eat while I’m waiting.”

85 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m having an orange, and the dogs keep looking at me like, “stop eating that ball, dude.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

It’s so embarrassing when attention seekers feel the need to tell everybody it’s their birthday in, like, every conversation, which, for me, would be today, by the way.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Me at a nightclub: Where are the chairs?

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

They should combine the running of the bulls with Tour de France next year.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

When I was a kid, they played lame music for middle-aged people in the supermarket, but this morning at Whole Foods, it’s now all amazing bangers from my youth.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Getting older just means that you have to start eating all the sad foods.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Remember when we were kids and did everything we could to grow up? We were so stupid!

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

I’m now at the age where happy hour is a nap.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Nobody bools anymore. In high school, everyone was booling.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Bro to bro: Never get your haircut on the day of a special event.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

So stupid how New York is actually as cool as everyone says.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. I’m more interested in seeing your Pornhub Wrapped.

Going viral on Messenger:

Much like lasagna, I’m just held together by cheese at this point.

Just shared via TikTok:

I’m sick of getting woken up at 6am by the bin men. I just want a nice sleep but they always insist that I get out of the bin before they collect it.

Just landed via Instagram:

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

Just landed via Discord:

The most disturbing thing about waking up at 4 a.m. is realizing some people do this on purpose so they can exercise.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I can’t believe Halloween was 10 pounds ago.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I should be able to eat one huge meal a month, like a snake. This every-few-hours shit sucks.

Going viral on TikTok:

I need an app that deletes my number from other people’s phones.

Trending via WhatsApp:

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’ve been blocked by better.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Is ‘ugh’ an emotion? Because I fell it all the time.

I like when the rain is misty and you get to feel like a grocery store broccoli for a little while.

My doctor told me “good luck” and gave me finger guns, so obviously I’m dying.

You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”

My son just turned an everything bagel into an everywhere bagel.

Dear 8 hours of sleep, I miss you so much.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨