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Commentary:
"Looks like the only spirits this investigator is chasing are the ones who disappeared after reading my messages 👻🕵️‍♂️ #GhostedExpert"

dating, ghosted, humor, investigator, paranormal, relationships, resume

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m at the gym and I just saw someone put their water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

0

2 months ago

bottle, gym, holder, i, just, put, saw, someone, treadmill, water
I’m looking for insults so intelligent you don’t realize you’ve been roasted until three thoughts later.

0

1 week ago

cleverness, comeback, humor, insult, insults, intelligence, intelligent, later, looking, realize, roast, sarcasm, thoughts, three, wit
If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being annoyed by stupidity.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, annoyed, being, frustration, good, humor, sarcasm, self-awareness, stupidity, thing, wit
I was actually about to do a workout when the couch threw itself protectively under me.

0

2 months ago

actually, couch, exercise, humor, i, laziness, me, procrastination, protection, under, workout
I’m like 2% cute and 98% ugly.

0

2 months ago

beauty, confidence, cute, honesty, humor, self-deprecation, ugly
But have you tried getting slow neck kisses and soft ear whispers about it?

0

2 months ago

affection, date, ear, getting, intimacy, kisses, neck, slow, soft, tried, whispers

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on Reddit this month:

There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

97 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Once you book a trip, it becomes hard to focus on life.

99 shares on TikTok this month:

My southern family thinks my daily routine in NYC is that I wake up, try really hard not to get stabbed by a knife, and then I go see a musical.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency notify”, I put “Doctor.”

26 shares on WeChat this month:

Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.

22 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m so old, I used to block people by simply holding the door shut.

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

71 shares on Pinterest this month:

Don’t let anyone treat you like a red flag, you’re the whole damn red carpet, baby.

48 shares on Snapchat this month:

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

100 shares on Reddit this month:

Have kids so you can say things you never thought you would like “please don’t vacuum your sister”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

My superpower? Staying calm when talking to idiots.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Great minds think alike, but so do stupid ones.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Adults chasing the popularity they missed out on as teenagers are the worst.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Sex in the snow is wintercourse.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

The only reason I insist on returning to the office is because my cat needs a break from me staring at him all day.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Windmill? Big fan.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

If you order a pizza with veggies on it, you can tell people you had a salad.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Pinterest:

No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.

Shared recently on Threads:

And then there are people who can only sleep on their back because their pea brain could slip out of their ear if they lie on their side.

Just landed via Reddit:

Gnocchi: The small, chubby children of spaghetti and potatoes.

Just landed via Threads:

The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

If you think I’m funny, you should hear the voices in my head.

Spotted on Slack:

The only thing I worry about when I’m in the restroom is if people are washing their hands or not.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Whoever has designed parking garages is either an architectural genius or an evil sadist.

Just landed via Messenger:

I was disappointed to learn today that my request for a sabbatical was rejected. Apparently that’s “not how marriage works.”

Broadcasted on Discord:

Even a broken shrimp fries rice twice a day.

Making waves on TikTok:

If a door closes, I’m just going to open it again.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’ve been ghosted enough to add paranormal investigator to my resume.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’m at the gym and I just saw someone put their water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

I’m looking for insults so intelligent you don’t realize you’ve been roasted until three thoughts later.

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being annoyed by stupidity.

I was actually about to do a workout when the couch threw itself protectively under me.

I’m like 2% cute and 98% ugly.

But have you tried getting slow neck kisses and soft ear whispers about it?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨