I’ve decided that I’m going to underthink today.

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People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.

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I’m not a fan of camping, if I wanted to sleep outside I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

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Men used to build castles for women they love, but now they think replying on time is too much effort.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Telling my boss I wasn’t drunk really backfired. I probably should have waited until he asked.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Remember: no matter what anyone else thinks of you, it’s how you delude yourself that matters.

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Caveman bartender: “This one’s on the cave.”

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Me: This show is really boring. Boss: Again, this a zoom conference.

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I just realized boobytrap backwards spells partyboob.

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Imagine hating me and i’m just over here doing a much better job at hating myself than any of y’all could do.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

If you ever get attacked by a shark, just be a good sport about it and let it eat you. Hey, look on the bright side: It’s a rare occurrence, so you’re special.