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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Social media has dragged humans back into Plato’s cave, and chained them there.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

What is it called when you’re smart but everything you do is freaking stupid?

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

I don’t have red flags, I have fun facts.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

November is for turtlenecks and depression.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

A weighted blanket isn’t enough today, I need to be compressed into a zip-file.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

“You’re always sleeping,” God forbid a woman wants to be unconscious.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

The final stage of being single is when you listen to a love song and no one comes to mind; at that point, you’ve achieved absolute singularity.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Do you ever hang out with someone else’s family, and you’re like, ooooh, so this is what it’s supposed to be like?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,591

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Saw a guy reading a book and writing notes in it. Not enough words in there for ya, bud?

Spotted on Slack:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that you’re an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes.

Spotted on Instagram:

Life is so draining, you fix one problem, here come 12 more.

Breaking via WeChat:

Lord of the Rings is a story about a brave little Hobbit on a mission to destroy a ring and save the world, and his annoying friend Frodo.

Making waves on YouTube:

I think one of my biggest hangups in getting better at Spanish is that speaking with the correct accent makes me feel racist.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I put my pants on like everyone else. With hope they still fit.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Moving houses/apartments gotta be top 3 worst human experiences.

Trending via Pinterest:

Thinking of you while I’m chopping onions.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I am stoned and laying in bed reading, and the idea of Santa going on Ozempic popped into my head, and I whispered, “No!”

I’ve realized there’s more to life than social media, so I guess this is goodbye for the next 12 minutes.

2 months ago

0

I’ve realized there’s more to life than social media, so I guess this is goodbye for the next 12 minutes.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Making a grand announcement about taking a 12-minute break from social media is the modern equivalent of a dramatic exit in a soap opera 📵😂 Who knew life could be so thrilling outside the digital world! Enjoy your social media hiatus, adventurer!"

12, break, distraction, goodbye, humor, i, life, media, minutes, next, realization, social, social media, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Me: This is a hard escape room. Manager: You’re at work.

0

2 months ago

escape, escape room, frustration, hard, humor, joke, manager, me, office, office humor, room, work, workplace
The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

0

2 months ago

call, communication, ever, humor, i, joke, just, marital, marital joke, marriage, only, person, phone, relationship, trying, wife
I always knew I’d get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.

0

2 months ago

age, always, fast, humor, i, life, old, realization, surprise, time
Relationship status: my sex robot filed a restraining order.

0

2 months ago

comedy, dating, humor, order, relationship, restraining, restraining order, robot, sex, sex robot, status, technology
Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

0

2 months ago

around, aroused, autocorrect, buddy, fail, friendship, funny situation, hang, hang out, miscommunication, situation, text, text fail, today, want
I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, disgusting, even, fly, hands, hate, humor, i, insect, little, open, plotting, rub, together, window

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on Threads this month:

If you don’t know how many x-rays it takes before a person develops super powers, should you really be in a medical profession?

93 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

96 shares on Telegram this month:

Note to self: Very important! First hang up, then insult.

21 shares on TikTok this month:

Never make a promise you can’t keep rescheduling.

85 shares on WeChat this month:

I deserve a dragon after all I’ve been through.

37 shares on X this month:

My bed has a stronger influence on me than my ambitions.

12 shares on Threads this month:

Why count sheep when I can count my troubles?

26 shares on Pinterest this month:

Deleting my mental health to focus on social media.

72 shares on Reddit this month:

Kinda rude when I spend money, and it actually leaves my bank account. But okay.

28 shares on Reddit this month:

If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The Epstein client list but to the tune of Mambo number 5.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I have found that there is usually a lot of day left at the end of my patience.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

That awesome moment when you open the fridge and the first thing you see is the thing you wanted to eat.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Mirror, mirror on the wall, why so many fingerprints?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

And then the vodka whispered, “Say what you really think.”

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Me, telling my kids we’re leaving in 30 minutes: We’re leaving in 5 minutes.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Women do not snore. The sound they make at night is just the rewinding of the vocal cords.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Fall fashion: where we all transform into stylish, toasty marshmallows!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,274

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

Vegan zombies be like: GRAINS!

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

If politicians can text my cell phone asking for money, I should be able to text them directly with policy suggestions.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

The second date is you watching me parallel park and trying not to have a stroke.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Toys R Us went out of business because their mascot was a stupid giraffe when it could’ve been a toy dinosaur called the Toysaurus. It was right there man.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Behind every funny man is a woman who rolls her eyes.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Perfume and jewelry are two things you can never go wrong with gifting me.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m the Usain Bolt of running late.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

I have no idea how dishwasher tablets work. I’ve already taken five of them, and I still don’t feel like doing the dishes!

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

I successfully avoided the red-eye flight and got the much milder pink eye flight.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

A plus of getting older is not having to make as much small talk because half the conversation is spent asking the other person to repeat what they just said.

Making waves on X:

The first pyramid scheme was when the Egyptians took credit for the pyramids that were clearly built by aliens.

Trending via Facebook:

Whoever is writing my Rom-Com, can you maybe, I don’t know, START IT?

Shared recently on WeChat:

Being a parent means hearing a noise at 3 a.m. and hoping it’s just a ghost and not your toddler getting up again.

Trending via LinkedIn:

I’ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

Making waves on Pinterest:

A big part of my wife’s cardio routine is rolling away from me in bed.

Going viral on WeChat:

I could own a thousand summer dresses, and it still wouldn’t be enough.

Breaking via Reddit:

Accidentally punched myself in the face as I was getting dressed this morning, and I have to say, I deserved it.

Making waves on X:

I love my bodyguard. I would take a bullet for him.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Ruined a Ferrari guy’s day today by telling him that I loved his Corvette.

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