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"Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical, sipping a margarita on a beach somewhere 🍹☀️🌴 #LifeGoals"
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Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

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In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store’s speaker system.
I will marry a tall, masculine, lovey-dovey man who can’t breathe when I ignore his existence.
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