Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Good morning, dickhead, your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.
  • The world is my oyster and I’m allergic to shellfish.
  • People pass a joint around like it’s no big deal, but the minute I ask someone to do that with their Subway sandwich, I’m a weirdo.
  • My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.
  • One of the most amazing things in nature is that the basketball hoop is the perfect size to fit a basketball through.
  • Parenthood is so crazy. We’re really out here getting bullied by the people we made.