Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Marriage can be summed up as a quick check on the front door security system while the other half is already halfway to dreamland. 🔒💤 It's all about balance, right? 😄"

asking, couple, domestic, domestic life, door, front, humor, life, marriage, night, people, person, relationship, security, sleep

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sorry I’m late. I was in the car waiting for my song to end.

0

2 months ago

car, end, excuse, humor, i, late, music, song, sorry, waiting
If you stare at your face in the back of a spoon you look a lot like someone who doesn’t know how to use cutlery.

0

2 months ago

back, cutlery, face, humor, kitchen, know, reflection, self-image, someone, spoon, stare
If I could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, I’d pick living.

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3 months ago

anyone, choice, conversation, dead, dinner, event, humor, i, ID, joke, living, pick, social, social event
My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party, and that’s when I realized he was the favorite twin.

0

2 months ago

asked, birthday, birthday party, brother, favorite, hand, i, invitation, me, mom, party, realization, surprise, surprise party, twin
If my house is clean, just know I yelled at everyone for two hours first.

0

2 months ago

anger, clean, cleaning, cleaning motivation, everyone, family, frustration, hours, house, humor, i, just, know, motivation, yell
Seriously? I came out of hibernation for this?

0

2 months ago

came, disappointment, expectation, hibernation, humor, i, seriously, surprise, winter

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on Messenger this month:

Accidentally clicked a post about UFOs, and now my Facebook algorithm thinks I’m a much different person.

38 shares on Messenger this month:

Don’t give up on your dreams. If cauliflower can be pizza and zucchini can be noodles, you too can be anything you want.

56 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Most people who have found themselves are amazed to discover that there is nothing there at all.

81 shares on Snapchat this month:

Don’t ask me ‘how are you?’ unless you’re willing to sign an NDA.

16 shares on TikTok this month:

Self-help books are brain rot. Return to fiction.

43 shares on Reddit this month:

I have nothing in common with people who “forget to eat”.

34 shares on Twitch this month:

My birthday wish is for everyone to ignore my birthday.

17 shares on Pinterest this month:

It feels like a million o’clock right now.

100 shares on TikTok this month:

Savannah is one of the only girl’s names that’s also a significant “biome”.

45 shares on Slack this month:

Yabba dabba doo used to be a rad way to start a Saturday.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

I wish I loved anything as much as my two year old loves pulling my pants down.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

An app where you and your partner swipe left and right on restaurants until there’s a match. No talking, no negotiation. Who’s building this?

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

My mom is asking each ornament, “Where do you want to live?” before putting them on the tree.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Sorry, can’t make it, just remembered I don’t want to.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

When it rains in New York, the train starts smelling like hamster.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

3 friends is enough. 1 for the movie theater, 1 for drinks and apps, 1 for texting concerning mental health information.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

I love when dudes are named Guy. Like, yeah. Exactly.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Cats are the best authoritarians. You will do their bidding, and you will like it.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

As soon as the sun comes back out, I want a beer. It’s science.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

I respectfully ignore DMs because I promise you, I am not your soulmate.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

You can be under 25, just don’t do it around me.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Imagine she’s home alone, bored out of her mind, and she STILL won’t put that laundry away. She is me.

Just shared via X:

Nothing hits harder than opening the fridge for the fifth time, hoping new food magically appeared.

Making waves on X:

I forgot how to panic. Help!

Trending via Pinterest:

I’m sorry if I seem weird, it’s because I am.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I like my job, but if I had the opportunity to become a rich housewife, I would take it.

Making waves on Reddit:

Guy inventing jogging: how can I suffer, but with music?

Just landed via WeChat:

I’m like the Temu version of a well-functioning adult.

Just landed via Slack:

Hey, can I get an ETA on that “this too shall pass”?

Just shared via WeChat:

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Sorry I’m late. I was in the car waiting for my song to end.

If you stare at your face in the back of a spoon you look a lot like someone who doesn’t know how to use cutlery.

If I could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, I’d pick living.

My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party, and that’s when I realized he was the favorite twin.

If my house is clean, just know I yelled at everyone for two hours first.

Seriously? I came out of hibernation for this?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨