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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡― has bookmarked:

There’s no need to put a little umbrella in my drink. It’s already wet.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡» has viewed:

Going to therapy is like having someone walk around your brain and going β€œohhhh, this is how you’re living?!”

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, β€œYou’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡΄ has copied:

Bro, did you seriously just forget about Dre?

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ό has viewed:

People pass a joint around like it’s no big deal, but the minute I ask someone to do that with their Subway sandwich, I’m a weirdo.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡­ has downloaded:

What are cats even trying to do?

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡§ has bookmarked:

Are you a software update, because not now!

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬ has bookmarked:

I want you to know that whatever problems you’re having, I’m hear to β€˜like’ them.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡± has copied:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to pull all nighters.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡­ has bookmarked:

β€œAre you seeing anyone,” like hallucinating?

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,381

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Going viral on Facebook:

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I miss when we didn’t know what celebrities thought about anything.

Going bananas on Twitch:

I don’t understand how some people find love several times in their lives. I first have to find someone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

Just shared via Slack:

One downside of marrying a doctor is you have to give up eating apples.

Spotted on TikTok:

Whoever came up with a 30 minute lunch break needs a 30 minute beating.

Just landed via Instagram:

My Indian name would be “Stares at Phone All Day.”

Going viral on YouTube:

Replying to all emails with β€œya think?”.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I hate it when I’m gossiping at work and a customer wants to be served. How rude is that?

Seen just now on YouTube:

Thanks to AI, some of us went from being told by our parents not to trust the internet to having to tell our parents not to trust the internet.

Live now on Pinterest:

I respect perfume commercials being like we can’t show you a smell mind if we just go insane for 30 seconds.

Moose would have been a better name for a cow.

0
Moose would have been a better name for a cow.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, those poor cows never asked to be named after a sound effect πŸ„πŸ˜‚ Maybe we should start a petition to rename them to Moose! #TeamMooseCow

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Facebook this month:

I love single sign-on because you only have to sign on once, 8 times a day.

94 shares on WeChat this month:

When I try to figure out rows vs. columns, I just row away in my boat of confusion!

52 shares on Reddit this month:

I regret to inform you that we must all once again figure out what to make for dinner tonight.

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.

53 shares on TikTok this month:

Having no one to talk would get you a good sleeping schedule.

47 shares on Threads this month:

Sometimes when I get negative feedback I’m like β€œHey, only I get to talk to myself that way”.

90 shares on Snapchat this month:

Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

Me: I’m an introvert. Vodka: No, you’re not.

68 shares on X this month:

A selfie only a mother could like.

56 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m trying to cut back on how much sense I make.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Be nice to your children’s teachers. Especially elementary ones, cause kids have loose lips and that teacher has all the dirt on you.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I like to play this fun game while I clean out the fridge called what is this, how long has it been in here and how do I kill it?

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

It takes guts to be an organ donor.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If women came with instructions, men wouldn’t read them anyway.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I think this man might be the one, I say right before he dumps me and I never hear from him again.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly. Because communication is key.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

All I’m saying is that porn gives us an unrealistic expectation of how quickly the electrician shows up.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Go ahead and use that semi-colon; no one will know you’re doing it wrong.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Fun prank: make people study for 16 years, and then don’t give them jobs.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,315

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡· has viewed:

Tinder is a food delivery app if you’re good at it.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡² has downloaded:

Dear autocorrect, that’s not what I was trying to say. I’m getting tired of your shirt.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡· has viewed:

It’s too bad he never woke up and chose violence. “Bob Ross, mob boss” has a nice ring to it.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡± has viewed:

I like my Jims slim and my chances fat.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Ύ has bookmarked:

Can I come over and look at your Hot Wheels collection?

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡΄ has copied:

I try to shoot all of my garbage into outer space, but usually it just lands in my neighbor’s backyard.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡© has shared:

Rapunzel, let down your CVS receipt!

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡¦ has shared:

Pilots lowkey have an aura when they walk past you in the airport.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡Ό has viewed:

The more water you drink, the more bathroom breaks, the less you work. Stay hydrated.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡» has shared:

The worst person you know is studying psychology.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Freshly posted on Threads:

Literally no one understands something more completely than a woman in a meeting who starts a question with β€œJust so I understand …”

Trending via YouTube:

Internet strangers offer the best advice.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Texting random numbers β€œIt’s done.”

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

According to my Spotify Wrapped, I am what got played the most this year.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Being single only sucks when you’re a little drunk and really want to flirt.

Going viral on Pinterest:

People drive you insane and then say “see, I told you that you’re insane.”

Shared recently on Slack:

Not to brag, but I don’t need alcohol to send texts I’ll regret.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I’m sorry I roasted you, I was trying to flirt.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Not to brag but this cashier is checking me out.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Elevator rides in real life: 30 seconds long. Elevator rides in movies: Two minutes long.

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