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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Sports bars exist. There should be bars for monitoring the situation.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

The first person to throw out bath water: Uh oh.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

I can usually cope with the opinions of others because I don’t listen.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

Don’t compare yourself with others. Everyone is better than you.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Don’t donate your plasma. It’s a big scam and they’re just using it to make TVs.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Becoming a dad turned me into an environmentalist. All I do now is turn off lights and yell at people who waste energy.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Festival is when you pay a fortune to live like a homeless person.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Forgetting your phone at home is the modern equivalent of leaving your sword behind in medieval times.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

798 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,960

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,960

2 minutes ago

3,441

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.

Spotted on Twitch:

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

Just landed via Telegram:

The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Sleeping in is the most efficient way to find out which morning rituals you can actually do without.

Seen just now on Facebook:

What I’ve learned in all these years of marriage is how to open a bottle of beer silently.

Seen just now on Threads:

Doing my bit for the evolution of the human race by eating lots of carbs and never exercising. We will adapt!

Just shared via Telegram:

At what point is a salad no longer a salad based on how much bacon I add?

Just shared via WeChat:

I’m eating for two; me and the person I strive to be.

Live now on X:

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

Going viral on Messenger:

I briefly stepped away from social media to get an idea of what else is going on in the world. For instance, I didn’t realize I was still married.

Mount Rushmore would be way more American if all the presidents were eating.

6 months ago

Mount Rushmore would be way more American if all the presidents were eating.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Imagine the uproar if Mount Rushmore had burger-loving presidents instead! 🍔🇺🇸 It'd be the most American monument ever! Just picture it – Lincoln with a hotdog, Washington with a slice of apple pie, Jefferson with a mountain of fries, and Teddy Roosevelt chomping on a giant sandwich. Now that's a sight to behold! 😄 #FoodiePresidents"

American, eating, food, humor, iconic, monument, mount, Mount Rushmore, national, national monument, presidents, rushmore, satire

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

798 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,960

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,960

2 minutes ago

3,435

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Hike in groups. Bears like to have options.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

“AI is coming for your jobs”. I’d like to see AI show up drunk on Fridays and sexually harass my coworkers.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Booked an escape room but just to get away from everyone. No plans of escaping.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Boyfriend hasn’t accepted my LinkedIn request yet. He doesn’t want to connect. He doesn’t want to build.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Text a co-worker at a random time “are you joining this meeting?” as a fun holiday prank.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

I’m sorry for the things I said when I was running late due to circumstances completely within my control.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

I’ve been dieting for a little over a week and I already gained three pounds.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Hey beauty brands who make face creams: 30ml is only enough for an ant’s face.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

I think God was high when he made me.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

Making waves on YouTube:

Can I sell my feelings on ebay, I don’t want them anymore.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I went downstairs to get my charger. I came back up with a bowl of ice cream and no charger.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode the bikes when we were young.

Going viral on WeChat:

What is Washington’s plan to make everything bagels less messy to eat?

Seen just now on Telegram:

A general rule of parenting: if you’re having a great day, the day isn’t old enough yet.

Breaking via Discord:

They should invent weekends that are long-lasting.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I’m not “late”, I’m just very creative with my interpretation of “time”.

Making waves on Telegram:

For whom the doom scrolls!

Trending via Snapchat:

The train announcer just said we should keep our personal belongings with us at all times but I’ve left most of mine at home.

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