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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Cupid’s arrow should have just killed me instead.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

The fake cough I use when calling in sick is now available on iTunes.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

It’s getting very expensive to be alive.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

I like my music at a volume where I can’t hear you.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

I never knew how fast I could write until the teacher said pencils down.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Dollar Tree needs to just go ahead and rename it to A Couple Dollars.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Outlook just asked me if I’m “enjoying” Microsoft Outlook. As if it’s not the Torment Portal.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

I march to the beat of my own dumb.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Doing taxes for an ant who inherited a teaspoon of sugar.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Jan 7, 2026

3,246

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Watching women’s tennis and getting angry at the net. We shouldn’t put needless obstacles in the way of women.

Spotted on YouTube:

If you’re out shopping this week, be nice to the retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited to shop until Mary’s water broke.

Shared recently on Slack:

Tears for Fears: Everybody wants to rule the world. Me: Some of us just want eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Due to unfortunate circumstances, things are no longer fergalicious nor bootylicious.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Turns out I am the autistic one at “movie night,” who thought you’re supposed to actually watch the movie.

Making waves on Messenger:

Winnie the Pooh had the right idea in this goddam heat. Crop top with his honey pot facing the world.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

The most romantic minds of our time are being subjected to situationships.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

I like winter because I fundamentally understand I deserve to suffer.

Just landed via Messenger:

Being a people pleaser that no one is pleased with is the main cause of my anxiety.

Mount Rushmore would be way more American if all the presidents were eating.

2 months ago

0

Mount Rushmore would be way more American if all the presidents were eating.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Imagine the uproar if Mount Rushmore had burger-loving presidents instead! 🍔🇺🇸 It'd be the most American monument ever! Just picture it – Lincoln with a hotdog, Washington with a slice of apple pie, Jefferson with a mountain of fries, and Teddy Roosevelt chomping on a giant sandwich. Now that's a sight to behold! 😄 #FoodiePresidents"

American, eating, food, humor, iconic, monument, mount, Mount Rushmore, national, national monument, presidents, rushmore, satire

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If chickens knew how good they tasted, they would understand.

0

2 months ago

animal, chicken, food, good, humor, irony, taste, understand, understanding
Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

0

2 months ago

awesome, confidence, humor, i, individuality, judge, me, perfect, self-acceptance
I’m that person who will restart a song because I got distracted and wasn’t appreciating it enough.

0

2 months ago

appreciation, distracted, distraction, enough, got, i, music, person, personality, relatable, restart, song
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

0

2 months ago

call, city, city life, hour, humor, irony, life, moves, nothing, nothing moves, observation, rush, rush hour, time, traffic
I literally never want to be the bigger person again. We can both go to hell.

0

2 months ago

again, attitude, bigger, bigger person, both, conflict, hell, humor, i, literally, never, person, sarcasm, want
“What’s a random act of kindness you’ve done for a stranger recently?” I helped a bunch of teens buy alcohol and cigarettes the other day.

0

2 months ago

act, alcohol, buy, cigarettes, day, done, humor, i, kindness, random, random act, stranger, teens

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on TikTok this month:

Think that’s enough todaying for today.

81 shares on Facebook this month:

“Why don’t you tell us anything anymore?” I’ve updated my privacy policy.

60 shares on Slack this month:

Weird me out? No. You’ve weirded me in. Let’s merge souls.

28 shares on WeChat this month:

What base is it when he says, “I know you need it badly,” but he’s talking about sleep?

84 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m not drunk enough for this Teams meeting.

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

Deleting university to focus on Twitter.

70 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Spotify Wrapped: February was your basketball watermelon loudspeaker phone call hip hop moment.

44 shares on Slack this month:

Those security guards at the Samsung store are Guardians of the Galaxy.

97 shares on Slack this month:

The cost of living has gotten so high, I’m thinking about having a nap for dinner.

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

Yes, I’ve gained weight. Too many people wanted to have sex with me. It was annoying.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Doctors are always giving me Ibuprofen. Man, give me something I can sell.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’ve never met a medical receptionist that I believed wanted me to live.”

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Adulthood is basically just trying to fall asleep at night and stay awake during the day.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Just got revenge on someone who wronged me many, many years ago. Never relax, I’m coming.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If I learned anything in college, it’s that pepper spray only stings for a couple hours.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t hate me, date me!

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If you can’t look back at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, you are probably still an idiot.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I think we all need to go out into an empty field and just scream for about an hour.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

When I trip, I always look back to see who or what did it, because it couldn’t have possibly been my fault.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,389

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Overheard the most hilarious conversation on my morning commute, then realized it was just me talking to myself in my car.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

No we can’t hangout, you’ll end up falling in love with me and I don’t have time for that.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

The week before your period doesn’t make any sense… until you realize it’s the week before your period.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Facebook: because time isn’t going to pass on it’s own.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

It’s time for basic human empathy to make a comeback.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Doctors are always giving me Ibuprofen. Man, give me something I can sell.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Managers want a week of silence and meditation in order to be even more of a manager afterwards.

Trending via Pinterest:

I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Do you ever want sleep but sleep doesn’t want you?

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Laundry has to be the most sinister chore. Always waiting, always lurking.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

If you call me from a private number, I’ll respect your privacy and won’t answer.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

The world contains protons, neutrons, electrons, and morons.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

The purpose of a meme is to disturb the humorless, and to humor the disturbed.

Spotted on X:

My love language is caffeine and being left alone until I’m kind again.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

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