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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

I can actually be quite charming if you would let me out of the guillotine.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re doing cardio.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

70% of marriage is yelling “What” from a different room.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

When I say I’m saving myself for marriage, what I mean is you won’t know how annoying I am until it’s too late.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Stop asking a clown why he keeps acting like a clown, ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and getting stuck behind a shit driver when you’re late.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

They should invent a day where it all works out.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

I made all my money in the 80s selling Rubik’s Hammers. They were for those cubes that thought they were smarter than you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Jan 7, 2026

3,463

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

Grown men asking Grok if this is real.

Making waves on Reddit:

Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.

Just landed via Discord:

If we start dating now, we could be feeding each other deviled eggs on Thanksgiving, and breaking up before we have to exchange gifts for Christmas.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

Going bananas on YouTube:

“Communism sounds good in theory, but doesn’t work in practice.” Capitalism doesn’t even sound good in theory.

Making waves on TikTok:

I kinda want a boyfriend but then where will I put my purse when I drive?

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Beavers are also just otters that have learned carpentry.

Trending via WeChat:

I’d change my name to laundry if it meant you’d think about doing me every day.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Every single morning, I have to get out of bed and do things, and it’s bullshit.

Just shared via X:

Don’t throw a relationship away just because you don’t agree with their choices, unless they wear Crocs, then it’s okay.

Mount Rushmore would be way more American if all the presidents were eating.

2 months ago

0

Mount Rushmore would be way more American if all the presidents were eating.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Imagine the uproar if Mount Rushmore had burger-loving presidents instead! 🍔🇺🇸 It'd be the most American monument ever! Just picture it – Lincoln with a hotdog, Washington with a slice of apple pie, Jefferson with a mountain of fries, and Teddy Roosevelt chomping on a giant sandwich. Now that's a sight to behold! 😄 #FoodiePresidents"

American, eating, food, humor, iconic, monument, mount, Mount Rushmore, national, national monument, presidents, rushmore, satire

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Nothing worse than realising you vented to the wrong person.

0

6 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, communication, conversation, humor, mistake, moment, nothing, person, regret, venting, worse, wrong
Ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted to retire.

0

2 months ago

always, aspiration, childhood, ever, goal, humor, i, life, life goal, little, retire, wanted
When I quit my job I’m setting one last OOO message that just says “your email will never find me again”

0

2 months ago

again, email, humor, i, job, just, last, me, message, never, never find, ooo, OOO message, quit, quit job, resignation, setting, workplace
You think you’re aging well and then you feel an earlobe hair blowing in the wind.

0

2 months ago

aging, blowing, earlobe, feel, getting, getting older, hair, humor, older, self-reflection, think, well, wind
Rudolph’s bright red nose would not have done anything to improve Santa’s visibility in dense fog.

0

3 weeks ago

anything, bright, Christmas, done, fog, humor, improve, nose, red, red nose, reindeer, Rudolph, Santa, visibility
I’m far too underqualified for adult life, and I feel like I was promoted to manager far too quickly.

0

2 months ago

adult, adult life, adulting, career, feel, humor, i, life, management, manager, promotion, quick, quick promotion, too, underqualification, workplace, workplace humor

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Reddit this month:

If it ain’t broke, my kids haven’t used it yet.

74 shares on YouTube this month:

My superpower is wasting time I don’t even have.

93 shares on Reddit this month:

A plus of getting older is not having to make as much small talk because half the conversation is spent asking the other person to repeat what they just said.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremedous boredom.”

14 shares on Messenger this month:

Couldn’t afford a man cave. Had to settle for a gazebro.

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t always seize the day. Sometimes I poke the day with my index finger and go, ew, ew, ew, ew.

87 shares on Snapchat this month:

Social media may have been a mistake.

66 shares on LinkedIn this month:

As a child, my family’s mealtime menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

10 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t understand the concept of “the man of your dreams”. Every time my wife wakes up after dreaming about me, she is really pissed off about something dream me did.

81 shares on Threads this month:

I regret to inform you all that I just plan on getting hotter and weirder.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I just borrowed some money from a cash app, now I’m about to uninstall it.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

OnlyFans, but it’s elderly women teaching you how to sew, knit, can food, quilt, and some solid recipes. OnlyGrans.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to be cool and now I say things like “It’s so loud in here, I can’t hear myself think”.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m surprised some of you are allowed out of your house on your own.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

You know Santa isn’t real because no man over 40 is out past 9PM.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I just hit the back arrow on a website, and it took me to a page that said, “Before you leave.” No. I already made the decision.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

So single the neighborhood cats make ME dinner.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,264

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

I don’t miss calls, I stare at them.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

I’m not like other teenagers, I’m 51.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

They call it a coffin because they’re finally coughing up that inheritance.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

I am not leaving this house until my hoodie strings are even.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

I like to people-watch, but I’m an advanced people-watcher. When I spot another people-watcher, I like to watch them watching other people.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

When your name is Jenn, people think it’s short for Jennifer, but it’s really short for Jennatalia.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Going back on a dating app is the new walk of shame.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Why did they call it painting your toenails and not graffeeti?

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

The Princess and the Pea, except it’s a rogue hair on the inside of my shirt driving me crazy all day.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Adulthood is wild. One day I’m transferring money to my savings account, and three days later, I’m transferring it out to save myself.

Spotted on Threads:

Girls with long hair will literally leave little traces of themselves wherever they go, like feathers falling from an angel’s wings.

Making waves on Slack:

I’m old enough to remember when the hole in the ozone layer killed us all off.

Just landed via YouTube:

The real reason for global warming is that today’s young people are nowhere near as cool as we were back then.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Cigarette smell gotta be one of the worst smells in the history of smells.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Zombies only eat brains, so you are safe.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I love reading a menu. Look at all this stuff I want to eat.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Dogs will go through amazing effort to get a better view of your plate.

Seen just now on X:

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

Spotted on Slack:

Don’t hate me, date me!

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