Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Dear resealable chocolate bag, your confidence in my self-control was truly inspiring. And you were delicious.
  • Genies are a myth perpetuated by creepy lamps who just want to get rubbed more.
  • If your drinking story doesn’t involve law enforcement, I’m not listening.
  • At my age, I’m worried about tripping and falling, so I wear a helmet. I’m also worried about looking ridiculous, so I carry a skateboard.
  • Found a picture of me sitting on Santa’s lap. Hard to believe it’s been a whole year.
  • Handing the bus driver a $50 bill and telling him “Just drive”.