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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Being married means mostly shouting “What?” from other rooms.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Being late to work should never be that serious. At least I came?

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Thank god I played a lot of Tetris as a kid or I never would have been able to get everything into the freezer.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

I don’t believe the phrase “if they wanted to, they would,” because I want to, and I don’t.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

And now begins the yearly tradition of writing the incorrect year on everything, for the next 3 months.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

He probably follows so many women because he believes in elevating their voices.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

It’s cool that women want me, but it makes me sad that fish fear me.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Unless it’s manic, I don’t want to hear about your Monday.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

I finally became a butterfly, and everyone’s already asking what’s next.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

We are talking about how beautiful and cool you are behind your back.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

4,073

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Learning to be Alpha from YouTube.

Just landed via Reddit:

There are rumors that someone came down the chimney last night. This is preposterous. I would have lost my mind.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Diet tip: Your pants can’t get too tight if you never wear any.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Not again. I mean good morning.

Freshly posted on X:

My kid tells me his toothpaste is “too spicy” but he doesn’t seem to be having any trouble with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I’ve literally never copied and pasted text and thought, “I’m so glad it kept the formatting and font from the other document.”

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I’d be a terrible masseuse. After 5 minutes, I’d be like, “Okay, my turn.”

Going viral on Telegram:

Saving up ketchup packets in the fridge so I can one day open my own restaurant.

Just landed via TikTok:

An orgasm before bed is nature’s strongest sleep aid.

Trending via X:

Not now darling, mummy’s influencing on the www.

My birthday wish is for everyone to ignore my birthday.

0
My birthday wish is for everyone to ignore my birthday.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Breaking news: Birthday boy/girl demands zero attention on their special day! 🚫🎉 Let's grant their wish by celebrating in absolute silence… or with the quietest party ever! 🎂🤫 Who needs cake when you have peace and quiet, am I right? 😂 #BirthdayWish #IntrovertCelebration"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

22 shares on Slack this month:

Savannah is one of the only girl’s names that’s also a significant “biome”.

14 shares on Pinterest this month:

All the observable evidence suggests that, if I was much worse at my job, I’d be more likely to get a promotion to senior management.

65 shares on Messenger this month:

I had 99 problems but getting divorced solved 98 of them.

72 shares on Slack this month:

It’s funny how people without pizzas in their hands actually think I’ll answer my door.

29 shares on Snapchat this month:

I have consumed so much potato salad the last couple of days, I’m sweating mayo.

40 shares on Threads this month:

Don’t forget to be mean to strangers on the internet today, for no reason whatsoever.

93 shares on X this month:

Hey cell phone companies who play smooth jazz hold music hoping I’ll lose interest and give up: yeah, it’s kinda working.

41 shares on YouTube this month:

Shazam, but for whatever the hell goes on in the apartment upstairs.

89 shares on Twitch this month:

There are so many people going to hell. I’m thinking of investing in some property there.

85 shares on X this month:

Solitude never hits you with unsolicited opinions.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The train announcer just said we should keep our personal belongings with us at all times but I’ve left most of mine at home.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Tattoo idea for men: spider webs in the corners of the receding hairline.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I got called “pretty” today! Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on the positive things.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely responded to my telepathic messages.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

6 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s crazy that things have got to a point where you can say, “Jurassic Park 3 is one of the better movies in the series.”

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Once you are able to find humor in any situation, you’ve either reached enlightenment or you’re just a little unhinged.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Gonna go walk the beach and stare annoyingly at couples. May even growl as I pass by.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,762

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

What part of “hiii” do you not get? I’m in love with you.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Thinking of starting a true crime podcast. Gotta explain this search history somehow.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Somehow I picked the worst possible decade to try to have a career.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Ironically jogging pants are mostly worn by the laziest people.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

It’s funny how our brains remember that we have forgotten something, but not what we have forgotten.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

Sleep well, middle finger—you’ve got a big day ahead of you tomorrow.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

I’d like to thank the municipal snow plow for recreating the wall from Game of Thrones at the end of my driveway.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I’ve left my past behind me, so if I owe you money, sorry, I’ve left it behind me.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Is this art or trash?

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

There are drug-sniffing dogs, guide dogs, dogs that save lives. And then there’s my dog, who hits the lead when he poops.

Trending via Pinterest:

I’m not here to offend anyone; I’m here to offend everyone.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Studies show that sleepwalking has decreased among Americans over the last 10 years. Typical lazy Americans.

Spotted on Facebook:

Perks of being ugly: phone battery lasts longer.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

When I get tired of shopping, I sit down and try on shoes.

Just landed via Facebook:

My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

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