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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

You may think no one is there for you, but there’s laundry. Laundry is always there for you.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

I hate lying to my parents but it’s for their own good.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Boys say that girls are dramatic, but have you ever plucked a man’s eyebrow? They act like they’ve been shot.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

I’ll be like “I’m fine” then shake my leg at 150 mph.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Everyone is always talking about raising money for dogs without homes, but what about the ones who don’t have cars?

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed their chest because of their belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

In search of someone who loves me as much as I love my snooze button.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

3,684

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

Every time we try to eat healthy, along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday, and ruins it for us.

Going viral on X:

Men be like, “I want you.” Yeah, to suffer.

Making waves on Twitch:

The only thing preventing me from moving to Finland is the language barrier and a job.

Just shared via WeChat:

I would like you to meet my significant other. Her name is Cheese.

Freshly posted on Threads:

No need for a Halloween costume this year because there’s nothing scarier than being in your mid-20s and not knowing who you are or what you want to do anymore.

Making waves on Discord:

All we needed to be happy in the 90s was music and cigarettes.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Anyone still shut off lights when leaving a room because their parents used to say, “Don’t waste electricity!”

Spotted on Facebook:

Had an interview today, and my belly rumbled. The lady goes, “Missed lunch?” I told her, “Nah, I’m hungry for success!”

Going bananas on Instagram:

I may be ugly, but I used to be uglier.

Shared recently on Facebook:

This wouldn’t happen to me if I were a huge dragon.

My birthday wish is for everyone to ignore my birthday.

2 months ago

0

My birthday wish is for everyone to ignore my birthday.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Breaking news: Birthday boy/girl demands zero attention on their special day! 🚫🎉 Let's grant their wish by celebrating in absolute silence… or with the quietest party ever! 🎂🤫 Who needs cake when you have peace and quiet, am I right? 😂 #BirthdayWish #IntrovertCelebration"

birthday, celebration, everyone, humor, ignore, self-deprecation, wish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone?

0

2 months ago

communication, humor, insult, nice, sarcasm, sarcastic, say, someone, something, tone, wit
Spotify: enjoy the next 30 minutes commercial free. Also Spotify: we have no concept of time.

0

2 months ago

30, commercial, concept, enjoy, enjoyment, free, humor, irony, minutes, music, next, Spotify, time
Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

0

2 months ago

anecdote, chiropractics, conversation, ghost, guy, humor, i, massage, pretty, quick, shut, therapist, told
That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, spreading goat cheese on a bagel.

0

2 months ago

bagel, cheese, corner, food, funny situation, goat, goat cheese, humor, me, moment, personal, personal moment, situation, spotlight
I think every app should, by law, let you deactivate all of its short-form video content.

0

3 weeks ago

app, content, control, deactivate, every, i, law, let, media, short-form, short-form video, should, social, social media, think, user, user control, video, video content
I don’t know who needs to hear this right now, but it’s time to fold the laundry that’s been lying around since last Sunday.

0

2 months ago

adulting, around, chores, cleaning, fold, hear, humor, i, know, last, laundry, lying, motivation, needs, procrastination, right, Sunday, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’ll kill the vibe, so you don’t have to.

41 shares on Slack this month:

Making her wear those remote-controlled vibrating panties in public so I can inform her when I’m tired and want to leave the party.

14 shares on Facebook this month:

The biggest problem with working from home? I want to go home even though I’m already at home.

19 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Am I just an Untitled Document to you?

93 shares on X this month:

Where do we acquire the ducks that we’re supposed to be putting in a row?

16 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m so old, I still keep special moments in my heart and not in my Insta story.

84 shares on Slack this month:

Nostalgia is mostly dumb nonsense, but movie rental stores were legitimately better than streaming.

11 shares on Snapchat this month:

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

25 shares on Telegram this month:

How I flirt? I look at an attractive person several times and hope that they are bolder than me.

30 shares on YouTube this month:

The weather forecast should include the percentage of answers blowing in the wind.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 50’s. Your doctor and pharmacist are both in your contacts now.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

What if instead of Big Mac it was Big Matt and he came out and said hello to you?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My toxic trait is that I expect people to have common sense, and I get mad when they don’t.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m obsessed with adding a second completely unnecessary tweet to all my tweets, like, oh, you thought I was done.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Life hack: Allow yourself 8–12 hours of alone time every morning to prepare for the day.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Doing an hour of self-care after 23 hours of self-destruction.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Are you stupid, sand? You could just lay here forever on this beautiful beach, but no, you have to try with all you’ve got, to get into my shoes.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Ok, hear me out: a reality show where billionaire CEOs have to live off of their lowest-paid employees’ salaries for a month.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

God doesn’t do nearly enough smiting anymore.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

No one ever talks about the 6th love language (being annoying).

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,882

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

I concern myself with the opinions of sheep because they are cute.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Good morning to everyone except myself cause I wish I was still asleep.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

A fitness trainer showed me the proper way to inhale and exhale and then got pissed when I told her she had nice breaths.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Millennials aren’t having kids because no one’s made lo-fi hip-hop beats to yell at your kids to.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

They probably killed the first few people whose eyes turned red in a photograph before they realized it wasn’t any demon stuff.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

If someone ghosts you, respect the dead and never disturb them again.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Me, seeing a man proposing to a woman in public: Hey, this guy bothering you?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Nothing like a grandfather clock to remind you every hour that you’re still awake.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

Maybe aliens don’t visit us because they’re all women and they want us to make the first move.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I wish berries were the size of apples. Just imagine for a second.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I haven’t bought 1 Christmas gift but I got 3 packages on the way for me though.

Making waves on WeChat:

Traumatized people will navigate emergency situations with calm surety but then have an anxiety attack in a grocery store.

Just shared via Messenger:

If I go quiet, it’s because I am plotting my escape or your demise.

Spotted on Twitch:

Car rides by yourself with loud music… they’re good for the soul.

Just landed via Twitch:

One of the main reasons to drink tea is because you can say, ‘Let me put the kettle on,’ and stuff like that.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I hate when someone you love says mean things like, “It’s time to wake up.”

Seen just now on Messenger:

When I look at the world, I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Shared recently on Discord:

Pilot is one of the few jobs where you can get fired for going above and beyond.

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