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I love posting my thoughts on the internet. Now theyโ€™re your problem.

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A woman’s sigh can speak a 1000 words.

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Google Maps should not count towards my screen time. Iโ€™m not addicted to my phone, I’m disoriented.

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I know I just ate a snack, but I could really use a snack.

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That place is so crowded; nobody goes there anymore.

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My favorite part about being sick is when you sneeze with a cough drop in your mouth and it launches across the room like a cruise missile.

My favorite part about being sick is when you sneeze with a cough drop in your mouth and it launches across the room like a cruise missile.

Commentary:
Ah, the joys of sick-day warfare! ๐Ÿ’ฅ When your body turns into a battlefield and the cough drop becomes the unexpected hero launching across the room like a fearless warrior on a mission. ๐Ÿš€ Who knew a sneeze could be so dramatic and a cough drop such a daredevil? Watch out, world, you've got a new cruise missile in town, and it's minty fresh! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคง #SickDayMissions



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Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet.

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I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing.

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Don’t worry password, I’m insecure too.

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Donโ€™t worry, darling, you wonโ€™t break me. Someone already beat you to it.

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Facial recognition technology, but for me when Iโ€™m talking to people Iโ€™ve apparently met before.

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“What’s wrong with you?” Right now or in general?

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Ugh, he wants to go hiking as a first date, just like Hitler.

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