“My reading glasses would look good on your nightstand.” -Me, flirting.

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If my trainee says “oh God” one more time, he’s going to meet him.

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Got kicked out of reincarnation club for yelling yolo.

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That sound when you close the cupboard and hear something fall inside, that’s the sound of somebody else’s problem.

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Befuddlingly, a palm tree won’t fit in your hand.

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She never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of her conversation.

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Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

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I talk to myself mostly because I am an excellent listener.

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My superpower? Staying calm when talking to idiots.

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I don’t have any patience because it takes too long.

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On one hand, it’s terrible to not have access to the Internet, but on the other hand, it’s terrible to have access to the Internet.