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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

My Native American name would be Smokes Cigarettes.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me, because I am fluent in silence.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Keeping a picture of my bed in a locket around my neck and staring at it longingly on my lunch break.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Bro, you’re not allowed anymore to have your tongue drop out of your mouth and form a stair case when you see my wife.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Congratulations to the sweater, another year of being the most disgustingly named piece of clothing.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Hmm, that’s a bit too harsh. Let me put “lol” at the end of it.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Spotify: enjoy the next 30 minutes commercial free. Also Spotify: we have no concept of time.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Is it stupid and irresponsible? Yes. Will it make me happy? Also yes.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

I wish my hair had as much volume as my mouth.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Jan 6, 2026

3,697

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

The walk of shame, except it’s me at a bowling alley walking back to sit down after I knock down zero pins with bumpers.

Going bananas on TikTok:

What is your favorite movie where Tom Cruise runs really fast?

Making waves on Telegram:

Waiting for toast to toast takes forever unless you walk away for 10 seconds, then it burns.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I’ll never be badass enough to walk around chewing on a toothpick.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Oh, that gap on my resume is from when I was the architect of my own hell.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

AI won’t replace me because I’m already useless to society.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Whenever a study shows excessive screen time causes brain damage I’m like “yeah, me know”.

Making waves on Slack:

Why can’t opportunity just come back later?

Going viral on Telegram:

Getting the house to yourself for a night is basically winning the lottery.

Needing to stretch is so funny. Your body is like “Ughhh, make me longer!”

2 months ago

0

Needing to stretch is so funny. Your body is like “Ughhh, make me longer!”

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle between our lazy bodies and the demand for stretching – the ultimate melodrama of the muscles! 💪😂 It's like our limbs have a mind of their own, asking for that extra bit of length as if they're auditioning for a role in a yoga class! 😆 #StretchingDrama"

activity, body, humor, longer, me, physical, physical activity, self-care, stretch

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

How much chocolate is too much chocolate before it is technically no longer a salad?

0

2 months ago

before, chocolate, diet, food, humor, indulgence, much, question, salad, too
Whenever an insect rides for miles on my car, I imagine it thinking: “Oh crap, moving again!”

0

2 months ago

again, car, humor, i, imagination, imagine, insect, miles, moving, oh, perspective, road, road trip, thinking, travel, trip, whenever
Flirting with submissives is actually really easy. All you gotta do is send a gif of a small animal and say, ‘This is so you.’

0

5 months ago

actually, animal, easy, flirting, gif, humor, playful, playful teasing, say, send, small, small animal, submissive, teasing
I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

0

2 months ago

cooky, diet, diet pill, eat, eating, food, help, humor, i, loss, nervous, pill, push, push down, stick, struggle, throat, weight, weight loss
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, then you love a boomerang.

0

2 months ago

back, boomerang, free, freedom, humor, love, relationship, return, set, something
Rather than work on my issues, I’m counting on my personality getting changed by a falling coconut.

0

2 months ago

change, coconut, counting, falling, falling coconut, getting, humor, issue, issues, personality, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on X this month:

Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.

68 shares on WeChat this month:

Alcohol and eye contact is a deadly combo.

13 shares on Reddit this month:

Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures – it’s my face.

97 shares on YouTube this month:

I read somewhere that playing white noise helps you sleep better, but I didn’t find country music helpful at all.

71 shares on WeChat this month:

I Knew Better, But I Did It Anyway: A Memoir

55 shares on Messenger this month:

I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

63 shares on Threads this month:

Going ballistic. Anyone need anything?

60 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.

65 shares on TikTok this month:

Welcome to your 40s. You’re home from the party before you used to go out for the party in your 20s.

28 shares on Snapchat this month:

I just want to be treated like a hot little French fry.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Anyone know how to get an air guitar out of a vacuum?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My love life feels like when you finally spot an open space in a full parking lot — and then boom, it’s a motorcycle.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m forced to conclude that not liking my posts is a you problem.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

As someone who was born in August, I find the word leotard extremely offensive.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ll be home for Christmas, because that’s where I live.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Forget my browser history, when I finally pass from this earth, please delete my calculator history because it’s way more embarrassing.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Dark mode changed me. White screens now feel like staring into the sun.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

True luxury is sleeping until you wake up by yourself.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,527

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

I hope my email finds you enraged.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

My toxic trait is binging a show too fast, then getting sad when I have nothing to watch.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

Find someone who looks at you the way I look at a cheeseburger.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

The masculine urge to hitch your pants up after making a minor decision.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Unfair that the older I get, the clearer photo quality gets.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

How to have flat stomach: remove all of your organs.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

I don’t argue anymore. I just agree and let the plot unfold.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

The perfect number of cats is two stupid cats. Preferably siblings. But they can’t both be the same type of stupid. One needs to be stupid (dumb) and one needs to be stupid (annoying).

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

Body by sandwich.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I woke up extra early today to get in as much ‘worrying about it being Monday tomorrow’ as possible.

Trending via Threads:

Japan’s greatest tragedy is having the world’s best toilets and no Mexican food. What’s the point of owning a Ferrari if you never take it to the track?

Going viral on Threads:

“It is what it is,” I say, not really knowing what it actually is.

Seen just now on Threads:

If snails are so slow, why don’t we ever see them coming? It’s just BAM, there’s a snail.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Sorry, babe, can’t right now. The group chat is active, and I’m trying to get my joke in before they change topics.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Got banned from the sauna at my gym for saying “steam me up, Scotty” a few too many times.

Just landed via Threads:

My therapist should also do my nails while we’re talking.

Trending via Slack:

Common sense isn’t a gift. It’s a punishment, because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.

Just landed via Facebook:

One thing no one mentions about being an adult is how much time you debate with yourself over keeping a cardboard box because it’s a really good box.

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