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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Whenever I’m willing to sell my soul, there’s usually food involved.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

I’ve got a headache, and it’s affecting my entire future.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Feeling weird from my cookie-based diet.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

I think it’s sad that getting married is one of the only ways to guarantee somebody will be forced to make a speech about how great you are.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

It’s almost time to pack away the black summer clothes and unpack the black winter clothes.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Oh no, we don’t go in there. That room belongs to the spiders.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

So apparently if they ask “do you trust me?”, replying with “well, I trust you to be you” is the incorrect response.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

My family passed down mood swings and anxiety instead of money or houses.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

My hobbies include trying to close the elevator doors before anyone else gets on.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,329

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

Wish I could get paid just for being a sweetheart.

Spotted on Slack:

What’s said in the blanket fort, stays in the blanket fort.

Spotted on X:

It’s funny how when you’re at work, “Go to hell” comes out as “No problem.”

Trending via Snapchat:

I think it’s clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.

Going viral on Snapchat:

The nice thing about getting older is that you don’t even have to be drunk to fall in the bushes.

Trending via Reddit:

Yes, liquor store clerk, I do need help. But I decided to come here instead.

Live now on Instagram:

Crazy how people can merge perfectly at McDonald’s, but not on the highway.

Breaking via Instagram:

Not sure what’s longer: a microwave minute or watching a video while someone else is holding the phone, insisting it’s hilarious.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Therapy is cool but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Don’t ever forget where you came from. That’s where you left your car.

Not being able to fall asleep is so embarrassing. All I’m asking my brain to do is nothing and it can’t even do that?

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about sleeplessness and overactive brain, humorous and relatable in tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Seriously brain, you had ONE job! 😂 Can't even handle the simplest task of chilling out and hitting snooze. 🧠🚫💤 #sleeplessnightwoes"

asking, asleep, being, brain, embarrassing, embarrassment, even, fall, humor, insomnia, nothing, sleep

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Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on Threads this month:

Sometimes life is “Eat, pray, love,” and sometimes it’s “Scroll, snack, overthink.”

81 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Don’t ever forget where you came from. That’s where you left your car.

20 shares on Discord this month:

This generation of men makes celibacy so easy for women.

24 shares on Messenger this month:

How lazy are you?” I greet people by raising my eyebrows.

100 shares on Twitch this month:

When you’re young, weekends are for fun. When you’re older, they’re for recovery.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

I said when I retire, I would travel. I just didn’t expect it to be to the doctors.

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t carry my wallet to work because I’m afraid someone will steal it while I’m sleeping.

42 shares on Instagram this month:

One of my favorite parts of grocery shopping is when somebody else does it for me.

25 shares on YouTube this month:

Googling “effect vs affect” in an incognito window.

46 shares on X this month:

Never forget that, just a couple of years ago, people were justifying paying $20,000 for a JPEG of an ape.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

My favorite conspiracy theory is that everything is going to be OK.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

I can do anything, as long as there’s a looming deadline and serious consequences.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies, you’d almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Hmm, that’s a bit too harsh. Let me put “lol” at the end of it.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

It’s legally required that you lose a frisbee onto the roof within one week of purchase.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

If you break up with the same person enough times, you eventually get married. Never give up.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

The problem is that you are in the dating pool when the other fish are in the ocean.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

Sorry I’m late. My catapult malfunctioned.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

With certain people, you get nauseous just hearing their name.

Freshly posted on X:

It’s so rude how many of you have the audacity to be out peopling around whenever I go somewhere.

Going bananas on X:

I once hated my job so much that I would come home from work and watch vlogs of people quitting their jobs, wishing it was me.

Trending via TikTok:

“I’m at that stage of Christmas shopping where I start buying myself presents.”

Making waves on Twitch:

Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”

Spotted on X:

Driving a newer car is like “Oh weird, this one doesn’t have Shake on Highway, maybe they stopped making that feature”.

Seen just now on Facebook:

It’s funny how when you’re at work, “Go to hell” comes out as “No problem.”

Breaking via X:

January feels like a schizophrenic episode.

Just shared via TikTok:

Some of you need to clean your room before you take a selfie.

Breaking via WeChat:

It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head I’m quite busy.

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Activity Log ✨

Not being able to fall asleep is so embarrassing. All I’m asking my brain to do is nothing and it can’t even do that?

Have you ever “accidentally” eaten a family sized bag of chips?

If I was a stray cat, I’d follow you home and let you domesticate me.

Being a reader means voluntarily signing up for fictional heartbreak, and then recommending the pain to others.

I can turn wine into water about two hours after drinking it. Checkmate Jesus.

Whoever is dating my ex, all I can say is: cheat first!

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Activity Log ✨

Not being able to fall asleep is so embarrassing. All I’m asking my brain to do is nothing and it can’t even do that?

Keep the laugh going 😂

Have you ever “accidentally” eaten a family sized bag of chips?

If I was a stray cat, I’d follow you home and let you domesticate me.

Being a reader means voluntarily signing up for fictional heartbreak, and then recommending the pain to others.

I can turn wine into water about two hours after drinking it. Checkmate Jesus.

Whoever is dating my ex, all I can say is: cheat first!

You think you’ve seen gold diggers, until you see a male friend group where only one of them made it.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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