Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

My brain says “Let’s do something exciting today” but my body says “Don’t listen to that fool.”

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Harmonicas are basically for people who like to hear music while they spit.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

I need a vaccine against overthinking.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

Nobody at this train station knows that there’s a hole in my sock.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

If you inject Botox into a raisin, does it turn back into a grape?

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Imagine if we had to worry about dinosaurs too, on top of everything else.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Toddlers are like puppies, they don’t care if they’re dirty and smelly and they both have an affinity exploring the trash bin.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

I made the mistake of clicking on an Instagram ad for a flannel shirt, and now the algorithm thinks I’m a lumberjack.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

509 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,102

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,102

Dec 24, 2025

3,709

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

Why do fruit flies be everywhere but at the supermarket? Ain’t that like their Golden Corral?

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Are you telling me these billionaires don’t have my best interests at heart?!

Going viral on Pinterest:

I don’t believe in lying to children, unless it’s about where the good snacks are hidden. Then it’s fine.

Just shared via Messenger:

The only sunscreen that’s 100% effective is abstinence.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Women don’t apologize. They sleep naked and let you decide whether you are still angry or not.

Spotted on YouTube:

Girls won’t admit it, but they don’t like super fine dudes; they like medium ugly, funny dudes that dress nice.

Going bananas on Facebook:

The healthy food in my fridge should be grateful really. It survives much longer than everything else.

Spotted on Reddit:

I was having a great day, and then, people.

Just shared via Instagram:

Please go out, have fun, have friends, make connections. That mysterious lifestyle won’t save you.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Starting to think I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Not pretty enough for Instagram, not funny enough for Twitter. Welcome to WhatsApp status.

2 months ago

0

Not pretty enough for Instagram, not funny enough for Twitter. Welcome to WhatsApp status.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Feeling like the middle child of social media 🤷‍♂️ Stranded in the land of WhatsApp status, where our posts quietly whisper 'I'm here too, guys!' 😅 Maybe we're just too cool for the other platforms? 😎 #WhatsAppWarrior"

comparison, humor, Instagram, media, pretty, self-deprecation, social, social media, status, Twitter, welcome, WhatsApp

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Our neighbor complained that our cat is always running through his garden. My father said: “Okay, I’ll tell her.”

0

2 months ago

always, cat, complaint, conversation, father, garden, humor, neighbor, okay, running, tell
I generally don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but I’m really good at it.

0

2 months ago

confidence, confusion, doing, good, hell, humor, i, irony, know, mastery, self-awareness, skill
I am on a diet where you just speak Italian: “Pasta,” “Pizza,” and “I’m leaving Rooma for dessert.”

0

1 month ago

am, comedy, dessert, diet, food, food joke, humor, i, italian, Italian food, joke, just, leaving, pasta, pizza, speak, where, wordplay
Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments under it.

0

1 month ago

artwork, comment, fridge, humor, kid, kids, mean, mean comment, media, parenting, preparation, social, social media, writing
Where do cicadas go when they’re not screaming? I’d like to go there and scream.

0

2 months ago

cicada, curiosity, funny thought, humor, nature, place, quiet, quiet place, scream, screaming, thought
Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

0

2 months ago

bar, everyone, expectation, humor, irony, line, love, open, open bar, patient, relationship, wedding

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on Telegram this month:

I failed as a person; I’m a dinosaur now.

61 shares on Discord this month:

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you either have a naked window neighbor or you are the naked window neighbor.

60 shares on Threads this month:

I’m sorry, being on social media gave you the impression I’m a social person.

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

Feeling like a bug without his rug.

35 shares on Instagram this month:

If your family starts fighting on Thanksgiving, go live.

15 shares on X this month:

When people say, “Stop living in the past,” my thought in turn is, “But the music was so much better then!”

33 shares on X this month:

Did anyone ask the daylight if it wanted to be saved?

95 shares on Messenger this month:

Men need women, women need men. The end.

63 shares on Slack this month:

Me, whenever I can easily do some yoga pose, “This can’t be right.”

22 shares on YouTube this month:

He just walked right into my heart and switched on the lights.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

If Dracula had a cat, she’d be the one sleeping in the coffin.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Online dating is stupid because scent is such an important factor of attraction.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes my greatest accomplishment is keeping my mouth shut.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Who else writes “etc.” knowing damn well you don’t have more examples?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My cats won’t talk to me because I came home late from work.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

If I was a weather man, I’d leak the weather early to pretty women.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

No, I’m not “dating anyone.” I’m really busy playing outside.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Apparently, staying to yourself and not bothering people bothers people.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

There are only two kinds of people, and I avoid them both.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes you send an email that requires a response, and the other person writes back right away, and it’s like NO NOT YET.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

509 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,102

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,102

Updated

Dec 24, 2025

Users Online

3,964

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

I think it’s very sexy of me to still move with love in a world like this.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

A camel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, you can’t bring your own drinks in here!”

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

How was the word “Wife” invented? They took the first two and last two letters of wildlife.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Love Island is fun, but when is Job Island on?

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Having Twitter is just like reading the newspaper, except the newspaper is on fire and all the writers hate you.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

I’m capable of doing a lot of things but listening to people chew their food is not one of them.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

I came up with my passwords when I was 12, and never looked back.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

I drive regularly so that my brain doesn’t forget swear words.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Telegram:

I have no idea how people meet at the gym. I turn into a disgusting, angry swamp witch every time I exercise.

Making waves on Discord:

If people continue to behave so badly, I will donate my organs to an animal shelter.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I want to text this person, but I need to have shame and self-respect.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

My ex said I had commitment issues but this giant jar of Nutella says otherwise.

Seen just now on Threads:

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons, and 85% morons.

Just shared via X:

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

Shared recently on Twitch:

You’re all badass until that dust bunny in the corner is a real spider.

Live now on Snapchat:

The week between Christmas and New Year’s should be studied as it is clearly a wormhole, disturbing time and space.

Making waves on Reddit:

Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.

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