Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Killing me softly with his schlong.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Your 20s are for lusting after furniture you can’t afford actually.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Whoever named the meatball absolutely nailed it.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

I love how “sleeping in” used to mean noon, and now it means 8:30 a.m.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

My wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

When I was a little kid, I used to think, “This little pig went to market,” meant it was going shopping!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

3,933

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

If you ever find yourself as a houseguest for an extended period of time, here is the golden rule for success: invisible by day, charming by night.

Making waves on Instagram:

Sex so good, my left hand is making my right hand a sandwich.

Going viral on TikTok:

I took a test to see if I have multiple personalities. I scored 100%, 92% and 88%.

Just shared via Facebook:

I appreciate the sun for always moving in the sky in a predictable way but I also respect the moon for just kind of doing whatever.

Just shared via Instagram:

The only appointment I’m ever on time for is disappointment.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

“There’s a particular type of insufferability that rich people from poor countries have, that I don’t yet fully know how to verbalize.”

Spotted on Threads:

Nobody says, ‘Bless you,’ when you fart.

Not to brag but there are so many movies out there that have watched me sleep.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs a night light when you have movies secretly watching over you? 🎥😴 Talk about a cinematic lullaby! 😂"

brag, entertainment, humor, me, movie, sleep, watching

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you buy something with a lifetime warranty and it breaks, the manufacturer will send a hitman to your house.

2 months ago

break, buy, hitman, house, humor, joke, lifetime, manufacturer, repair, send, something, warranty
I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

3 months ago

back, car, driving, found, humor, i, Jesus, joke, religion, road, road safety, safety, signal, traffic, turn, turn signal
Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

1 month ago

airport, anything, asked, coke, expensive, food, food pricing, humor, i, joke, just, me, paid, pricing, sandwich, security, seen, start, travel, unusual
Sometimes, u just gotta clean your room and apply an elaborate skincare routine, and pretend that’s equivalent to getting ur life in order.

1 month ago

clean, clean room, daily, daily routine, equivalent, getting, humor, hygiene, just, life, life order, motivation, order, personal, personal hygiene, pretend, procrastination, room, routine, self-care, skincare, skincare routine, sometimes
Life is so funny because you think you look good today and a year later you look even better.

1 month ago

better, even, good, humor, later, life, think, time, today, year
Just told my kids it’s illegal to have the light on while we’re driving. I will not break this cycle.

1 month ago

break, cycle, driving, humor, i, illegal, joke, just, kids, light, parenting, told

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

The lion does not concern himself with social proof.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Stretching isn’t enough. I need to be able to disassemble my body like Legos.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

How can I be ready for the future when I’m not even ready to get up in the morning?

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

The sexual tension between me and the alternate reality I daydream about.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Anything is free if you can outrun security. The more you know.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

69. Some might call it nasty. I call it a romantic dinner for 2.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Sane is boring.

Spotted on Telegram:

Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’

Trending via Telegram:

Today marks a five year anniversary of how I’ll start going to the gym tomorrow.

Just shared via Discord:

Hey, we’re calling off the search party. We found a different guy out there we like more.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I may be sensitive, but everyone else could be a little kinder, too.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

If only my teeth were as white as my legs.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Having a teenager is fun because the voice in my head that questions everything I do now has a friend.

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Activity Log ✨

Not to brag but there are so many movies out there that have watched me sleep.

If you buy something with a lifetime warranty and it breaks, the manufacturer will send a hitman to your house.

I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

Sometimes, u just gotta clean your room and apply an elaborate skincare routine, and pretend that’s equivalent to getting ur life in order.

Life is so funny because you think you look good today and a year later you look even better.

Just told my kids it’s illegal to have the light on while we’re driving. I will not break this cycle.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

A genie that does my bidding would fix me.

I’ve folded seven page corners of the book I’m reading. That’s 49 in dog ears.

If I block you and you email me, you’re getting another chance.

Flip me over like a cassette tape, and play me again.

We’re in the middle of a snowstorm with no cake in the house. I never expected to perish like this.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

If you ever feel stupid, just remember there are people who forgive cheating.

I am both dumber and smarter than you think. Do not estimate me.

A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most people can do all day.

TVs are like, literally, the only thing that has gotten cheaper as I’ve gotten older.

Cafeteria is a beautiful name for a baby girl.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I don’t understand how spending more money than I earn is irresponsible. I’m giving more than I take. I’m generous.

The only hot singles in my area are in my wallet.

If I was a little smarter, I’d be aware of how stupid I am.

Sitting next to you on an empty train and clicking my stopwatch every time you turn a page in your book.

I love how “sleeping in” used to mean noon, and now it means 8:30 a.m.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Getting older is so fun. Your life goals slowly transition from things like ‘land a dream job’ to ‘successfully grow a cherry tomato.’

People who sound like fonts: Ariana Grande. Roman Roy. Jim Courier. Lydia West. Bon Iver. Suella Braverman. Jesse Ventura.

Everything is dishwasher safe if you don’t care enough about it.

I heard God is testing both of us at the same time. Wanna hang out?

I noticed my mouse problem is back an I yelled at my cats for being lazy and not doing their job, like I was in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

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Not to brag but there are so many movies out there that have watched me sleep.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

If you buy something with a lifetime warranty and it breaks, the manufacturer will send a hitman to your house.

I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

Sometimes, u just gotta clean your room and apply an elaborate skincare routine, and pretend that’s equivalent to getting ur life in order.

Life is so funny because you think you look good today and a year later you look even better.

Just told my kids it’s illegal to have the light on while we’re driving. I will not break this cycle.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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