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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Tonight, my poor liver has to pay again for what went wrong during the week.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Sleep is a beautiful thing. You don’t miss anyone, you can’t do anything wrong and you simply feel nothing.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m feeling very anxious. I think this 7th mug of coffee will take the edge off.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Don’t tell me what to do unless you are naked.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Apparently, responding to a wedding invitation with “maybe next time” is wrong. I know that now.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

I took the road less traveled. Where am I?

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

I want him in ways that are deeply deeply upsetting to modern feminism.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

My career plan? Win the lottery and disappear.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

It’s okay if you don’t like me, not everyone has good taste.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

They should invent a food that sounds good for dinner tonight.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

You think you’re cool and then you see a video of yourself running.

Breaking via Twitch:

Sunday is my favorite day where I pretend I’m going to do something productive.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

Just landed via Threads:

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

Going viral on Telegram:

Celebrating President’s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.

Making waves on Facebook:

Comments other people make during a movie are annoying. Comments I make during a movie enhance the experience.

Making waves on Twitch:

Nothing betrays your age more than the slang you won’t let go of.

Spotted on TikTok:

Remember when Mustangs were muscle cars and not an embarrassment to the name.

Live now on Messenger:

Have y’all tried calories? They’re so good.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Hello, hi. Don’t invite me anywhere until next year. The money is finished. Regards.

Nothing really prepares you for when your favorite sweatpants begin to fall apart.

16 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about the inevitable demise of favorite sweatpants, playful and relatable.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your sweatpants start falling apart, it's officially a wardrobe tragedy of epic proportions 😱🩳💔

apart, begin, clothing, comfort, fall, falling, falling apart, favorite, humor, nothing, preparation, relatability, sweatpant, sweatpants

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Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

My phone is like my lover, it’s the last thing I see at night, and the first thing I wake up to every morning.

18 shares on Reddit this month:

Sundays are weird. You want to relax, but your brain’s like, “Shouldn’t you be panicking about something?”

69 shares on WeChat this month:

I want to learn scuba diving but I’m terrified of the orchestral music in underwater documentaries.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

I wouldn’t trust a single one of you with a flying car.

64 shares on Discord this month:

I hope “be the light you want to see in the world” doesn’t refer to Molotov Cocktails.

61 shares on Pinterest this month:

Might start signing off emails with, “But what do I know.”

78 shares on Reddit this month:

I wish I could turn everyone I love into a trinket, so I can keep them forever, because I am greedy and selfish.

76 shares on Snapchat this month:

No matter how early you get up, fate always gets up half an hour earlier.

16 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m at a point in life where I’m just at a point.

26 shares on Threads this month:

Every cat is a little celebrity to me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Every time we try to eat healthy, along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday, and ruins it for us.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Let’s build a fort with blankets and pillows, and just stay in it all day.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Nike: Just Do It! Me: I don’t want to.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Asking my dentist a question, but sticking my fingers in his mouth before he replies.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

“Do it scared!” Thanks, but I have done everything scared. When is it my turn to do it calm?

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Crazy how people can merge perfectly at McDonald’s, but not on the highway.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Keep posting, I’m diagnosing you.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages. This is called the Wurst Käse scenario.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Can’t. Just put my hair in a bun and that’s just about enough exercise for today.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

I’m not even doomscrolling anymore; I’m just regular scrolling, and everything’s doomed.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Definitely thought I’d be solving mysteries and unmasking ghosts in a van with a dog by this point in my life.

Spotted on TikTok:

The main reason for stress is the daily contact with idiots.

Trending via Twitch:

After much deliberation, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m an overthinker.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Being flirted with while you’re on the clock feels like a hostage situation.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Eat whatever you want. If someone calls you fat, eat them too.

Spotted on Messenger:

People who don’t admit their mistakes disgust me. I would absolutely admit to a mistake if I had ever made one.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Millennials are just 30-40-year-olds who look 20-30 years old and feel 80-90 years old.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Good morning to everyone except my baby, who already said good morning to me at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5:46 a.m.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I was having a great day, and then, people.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Nothing really prepares you for when your favorite sweatpants begin to fall apart.

I hurt my bottom after shaking it at the office party. It was a twerk-place injury.

Having a nicotine addiction is basically just adding a new base layer to Maslow’s hierarchy for no reason.

I met a microbiologist today. He was a lot bigger than I expected.

Optimist: The glass is ½ full. Pessimist: The glass is ½ empty. Excel: The glass is January 2nd.

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here talking baby talk to my plants.

No more bare minimum, I want the moon and the stars. Maybe even a planet at this point.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Nothing really prepares you for when your favorite sweatpants begin to fall apart.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I hurt my bottom after shaking it at the office party. It was a twerk-place injury.

Having a nicotine addiction is basically just adding a new base layer to Maslow’s hierarchy for no reason.

I met a microbiologist today. He was a lot bigger than I expected.

Optimist: The glass is ½ full. Pessimist: The glass is ½ empty. Excel: The glass is January 2nd.

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here talking baby talk to my plants.

No more bare minimum, I want the moon and the stars. Maybe even a planet at this point.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨