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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

If trees offered Wi-Fi, we would plant more of them. Too bad they only produce this oxygen thing.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

I have read that there are imaginary pregnancies. The belly gets bigger and bigger, but there is no baby inside. Finally a diagnosis.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Thank God they have medical marijuana in this state. I need it for my joints.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Can’t. Just put my hair in a bun and that’s just about enough exercise for today.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Let’s skip the getting-to-know-you phase. Just block me.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Adulthood is really discovering half your family is mentally ill.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Don’t be ashamed to fart while you urinate, cause there is no rain without thunder.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

You can fake an American accent all you want, but “literally” will expose you.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

There must be an invisible mechanism on my book. Every time I open it, my husband starts trying to talk to me.

Just landed via WeChat:

The Christmas tree I’ve had up all year makes a lot more sense now.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I hate managing money, I was born to splurge.

Going viral on X:

So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Acting jealous while secretly cheating is a pure talent of witchcraft.

Just landed via Facebook:

Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Women are so hot, I wish they were good people.

Trending via Pinterest:

Being called by your real name in a relationship kinda sounds like a divorce.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Exorcist came by. Says house isn’t possessed, just incredibly poorly built.

Ok, I cheated in school, but I did it the hard way and without AI.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text about honest cheating done the old-fashioned way, humorous and playful.

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Commentary:
Back in my day, we had to walk uphill both ways to cheat… and AI stood for 'Almost Impossible' 🤓📚

AI, cheating, education, hard, hard way, humor, i, ok, school

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67 shares on Slack this month:

Can you imagine being a 7th grade girl and being able to see your crush’s bedroom during Zoom math class.

23 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

89 shares on TikTok this month:

Babe, are you okay? You haven’t touched your dark humor all day.

97 shares on Slack this month:

Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

95 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I look stable, but I talk to animals, and wait for them to reply.

26 shares on Threads this month:

When a girl is done with you, she talks to you like she’s in HR or something.

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

I need a break from me.

66 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer to the end you get, the faster it goes.

26 shares on Pinterest this month:

If I was an elephant, you’d all be sorry.

36 shares on Twitch this month:

I even procrastinate things I actually want to do.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Once married, the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Can you imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found the 1,000 pictures you have of them sleeping.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

What beautiful weather outside. I’m gonna close the curtains.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Slipping into something more comfortable, another dimension.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

My wallet is empty, just like my soul.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

You can be under 25, just don’t do it around me.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

A lot of y’all don’t understand politics because your history teacher was the football coach.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Pretending you don’t notice people staring at you is a skill.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Podcasts are like babies, they’re too easy to create and not everyone should have one.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on YouTube:

“I’m pretty good with money unless I leave my house or have access to the internet.”

Just shared via Messenger:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, here’s Wonderwall.

Just shared via X:

The only thing preventing me from moving to Finland is the language barrier and a job.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

All strapless bras need to be taken off the shelves. A total recall. We do not have the technology yet.

Making waves on Telegram:

We need a streaming service that’s only ads. No shows, just commercials. They pay us $15 a month.

Going viral on Facebook:

When you’re a parent, your skincare routine is just the steam from the dishwasher when you open it to find the coffee cup you just needed.

Trending via Messenger:

Unfollowers, take me with you!

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Somebody needs to get my shit together.

Seen just now on Telegram:

“Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line until your call is no longer important to you.”

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Activity Log ✨

Ok, I cheated in school, but I did it the hard way and without AI.

‘Blinded by the Light’ is really just a song about turning the bathroom light on in the middle of the night.

In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

Maybe God will gift me a boyfriend for my birthday this year.

You can name literally any food or drink to the dentist and they’ll be like “ohhh, that’s actually so bad for your teeth. You should only eat water and toothpaste.”

Scared to go on dates, cause what if I find the one and never be able to be single again.

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Ok, I cheated in school, but I did it the hard way and without AI.

Keep the laugh going 😂

‘Blinded by the Light’ is really just a song about turning the bathroom light on in the middle of the night.

In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

Maybe God will gift me a boyfriend for my birthday this year.

You can name literally any food or drink to the dentist and they’ll be like “ohhh, that’s actually so bad for your teeth. You should only eat water and toothpaste.”

Scared to go on dates, cause what if I find the one and never be able to be single again.

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨