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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

There are 400 billion stars in our galaxy and perhaps two trillion galaxies in total, and I just wonder if Miss Universe fully understands her achievement.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

My mom gave me a coffee mug that says “Be your own kind of beautiful” and I’m really trying not to read too much into that.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

I tried to scream into the abyss today but got a busy signal.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Thank God for headphones and day dreaming.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

When I say I’m tired, the “of people” is silent.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Requesting the Pink Panther theme song at karaoke and just standing on the stage motionless the entire time.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

I need to stop living by the words “life is short.” It’s hurting my bank account.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Men love when you ask them to explain something to you. It is considered a sign of deep respect in their culture.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,314

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

Needing to rant and not wanting anyone to know your business is such a crazy combo.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

When you’re a child, you want to be a teenager. When you’re a teenager, you want to be an adult. When you’re an adult, you want to be a cat.

Going viral on Facebook:

Sweet, but twisted. Does that make me a candy cane?

Spotted on TikTok:

My superpower is to wake up more tired than I was when I fell asleep.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

She wanted me to impress her in the bedroom, so I showed her my organized sock drawer and my fresh matching bedding.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

My only addiction is coffee, which is just like crack but is legal and tastes good.

Trending via Slack:

Your coworker is not hot; they’re just within 10 feet of you 40 hours a week.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Trending via Twitch:

Not enough rap songs about stores suddenly changing their layout.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.

One man’s worst nightmare (me) is another man’s peace (also me).

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about self-acknowledgment, contrasting chaos and calm within one person.

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Commentary:
When you realize you're both the tornado and the calm after it 🌪️😂

another, contradiction, humor, irony, me, nightmare, peace, personality, self, worst

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57 shares on Twitch this month:

I wish I had a friend like me.

92 shares on Reddit this month:

The eyes are the windows to the soul. A mustache is the front garden, and the mouth is that big pothole the council should do something about.

39 shares on Telegram this month:

Changed my bio on bumble to “I’m gonna murder ur whole family” and guys still responded.

28 shares on TikTok this month:

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a kid that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

62 shares on TikTok this month:

The first time I heard “big naturals,” I thought it referred to major outdoor landmarks such as the Grand Canyon or the Great Barrier Reef.

90 shares on Snapchat this month:

Enjoy your time with me, because I love to disappear.

55 shares on Reddit this month:

Phone so dry, I caught myself checking the weather.

23 shares on Pinterest this month:

They say every snowflake is different, as if someone actually checked them.

12 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Do you scroll through Netflix to find a good show for your dog to watch when you leave the house or are you normal?

98 shares on Reddit this month:

Only at 27 do you become old, and then when you turn 30, you become younger than ever. That’s just how it goes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

In high school I was voted “most likely to hold a grudge” and I’m still mad about it.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

The cold water does not get warmer if you jump late.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Probably the worst thing you can do when your wife gives you a disapproving look from across the room for being on your phone is finish typing this.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Only in America can a kid wear $150 shoes, sip a $8 coffee, and post from a $1,200 phone about being oppressed and claiming capitalism has failed them.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Most people prefer lies. The truth just hits them like a WiFi outage, and then they just stand there, confused and buffering.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

I love coming home and being at home and sitting inside my home and staying home.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Netflix will help you finish the name of the movie you’re typing, and then tell you they don’t have it.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

Do men know they don’t have to date if they’re not over their ex?

Breaking via TikTok:

Rather than work on my issues, I’m counting on my personality getting changed by a falling coconut.

Trending via YouTube:

If your store’s bowl of water is just for pets, you should really put up a sign.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Because it is Friday, I will allow one beautiful woman to invite me for drinks.

Breaking via Discord:

Super quick question: does anyone know what the point is?

Making waves on WeChat:

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Kinda rude my neighbors live next to me.

Trending via Messenger:

I’ve had so much tea trying to get rid of this cold that I’m now speaking with a British accent and am fascinated with the Royal family.

Trending via WeChat:

Can we take a moment to celebrate the little ride we get in the pneumatic chair at the hair salon or barber when they pump it up or down?

Just shared via Facebook:

Revenge is a dish best served by cutting a sandwich horizontally instead of diagonally.

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Activity Log ✨

One man’s worst nightmare (me) is another man’s peace (also me).

Ok. I blinked 182 times. What happens now?

The two types of video games are kill everything that moves and Microsoft Excel.

This generation of men makes celibacy so easy for women.

My superpower is wasting time I don’t even have.

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

One man’s worst nightmare (me) is another man’s peace (also me).

Keep the laugh going 😂

Ok. I blinked 182 times. What happens now?

The two types of video games are kill everything that moves and Microsoft Excel.

This generation of men makes celibacy so easy for women.

My superpower is wasting time I don’t even have.

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

Swimming is so embarrassing, everyone can see you want to be alive.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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