Trendy Funny Quotes

  • My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning. I was putting on my shoes.
  • The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.
  • At bedtime, I ceremonially move the claw clip from my hair to the bag of chips, signifying the end of the day.
  • Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.
  • If you call me from a private number, I’ll respect your privacy and won’t answer.
  • My superpower? Staying calm when talking to idiots.