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Commentary:
"Breaking news: local hero ditches work to embrace feeling good 😎✨ Who needs a sick day when you can have a 'feeling awesome day' instead?! 🙌🏼 #WorkGoals #PrioritizeWellness"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

1 month ago

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There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

2 months ago

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The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

1 month ago

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Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.

2 months ago

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I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

1 month ago

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You can mess up big time letting someone know you have a printer.

1 month ago

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

A camel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, you can’t bring your own drinks in here!”

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Nobody ever talks about how Sodom and Gomorrah were walkable cities.

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Hello, hi. Don’t invite me anywhere until next year. The money is finished. Regards.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you are holding the taser wrong.

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Don’t let me drive if you’re gonna scream every time we almost die.

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I’m sorry I pretended I was dead when I saw you in public.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you are really in love.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

I wonder what John Connor thinks now that everyone is embracing AI.

Going bananas on Slack:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there’s only 365 shopping days left until Christmas.

Spotted on Pinterest:

People that ask Grok “Is this true” are the reason our society is getting dumber by the minute.

Trending via Instagram:

A garlic a day keeps the doctor away.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.

Going bananas on Reddit:

The worst part about getting sucked up by the tornado you’re filming is to die knowing your wife was right. You are an idiot.

Going bananas on Instagram:

If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.

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Activity Log ✨

People should be able to call in healthy: “Look, I’m not coming into the office today. I feel really good and I don’t want to waste it on being at work.“

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.

I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

You can mess up big time letting someone know you have a printer.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

The Scream movies were believable in the ’90s, but no one with any common sense answers unknown numbers on their phones anymore.

In the morning: Tired! At lunchtime: Tired! In the evening: Tired! In bed: “Everybody dance now!”

I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if he’s realizing I’m actually a lil ugly.

Nobody rots in bed like I do.

I thought I had more straws. Sorry, turns out that was the last one.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.

What are some beginner bad habits for someone just getting into ruining their life?

Seems like the ‘how to use a fire extinguisher’ video on YouTube shouldn’t have a 30-second ad before it.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

When you want to feel at your thinnest, walk through Walmart at any time of day.

And is this “year-end bonus” in the room with us right now?

Please don’t leave me to my own devices. They’re all out of batteries.

Billionaires didn’t get rich by working harder. They got rich by making sure you work harder, get paid less, and spend more.

I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Old age comes at a bad time. Once you finally know everything, you start to forget everything you know.

Not just anyone can be cremated. You have to urn it.

Remember when we were kids and did everything we could to grow up? We were so stupid!

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

Now hush, Lil Labubu, don’t you cry, everything’s gonna be Dubai.

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People should be able to call in healthy: “Look, I’m not coming into the office today. I feel really good and I don’t want to waste it on being at work.“

Related Funny Posts 🤝

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.

I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

You can mess up big time letting someone know you have a printer.

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Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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