Problems are like balls. Everyone thinks they have bigger ones than you.

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“I’m not falling for that again,” I say, as I’m about to fall for whatever that is again.

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My cat runs a secret cult. I just pay the rent.

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There are rumors that someone came down the chimney last night. This is preposterous. I would have lost my mind.

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My last husband’s name is Don. I just added an E to it and walked away.

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I worry a lot about the wild animals in my neighborhood, but I’m beginning to think they don’t worry about me.

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You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

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In honor of the winter solstice, I also will be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

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Everyone becomes a robo-dancer when the motion sensor faucet isn’t working.

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I’m an adult, but not the ‘makes positive life choices’ kind.

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Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.